maskormenace

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Last month was a rough month for a lot of people, Really does look like the United States and Russia just can't get along no matter the universe. Still even with all this shit this place is like a vacation compared to what my world became. Seems like I'm not the only one that comes from that position. Sometimes I wonder just how many of us there are that ended up here and no matter what crap gets thrown at us we still think it's better than our worlds. How many people are there here that would stay if they had the choice?

Guess it doesn't really matter, we don't have a choice. For anyone who knew him or had business with him, Isaac Clarke went back to our shitty world. Whatever's left of it.

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This place is nice but I have something important to do back home.

I think I know a few people that would say that they had something important back home waiting for them. It's good you can say that, even if it makes being here hard.

Being here isn't too hard, really.

No? Even though you have something back home?

I have things here too, now.

That's...good. Make sure to make the most of those things while you can.

I'm doing my best.

Generally all we can do. Especially in a situation as weird as this.

Yeah.

For what it's worth, Ellie, I'm sorry.

You okay?

[ Her voice is thick with emotion. ] I'm...yeah. I'm good. [ A good liar ]

It's... it's okay if you're not, you know.

I mean, I don't think I would be, if I were in your place.

Is I really? I mean what will it accomplish? Not being okay I man?

I think if you talked to a professional...they'd tell you it's important to be honest with yourself, right?

I mean, that's the only way to heal, as far as I know -- and it's -- it's okay to not be okay, when it's fresh.

I dunno I've never done the whole talking to a professional thing.

Maybe....I don't know. Maybe I need to pretend to be okay.

That's okay too, you know?

As long as you don't bottle it up, I think it's alright to pretend that everything's fine for a while. It's like...you get some control, over something we don't have any over.

Isn't pretending it's okay bottling it up though?

I think that depends on how long it lasts. Pretending you're okay for a while is alright -- I mean, compartmentalizing and working through it takes time, I can't imagine functioning without pretending a little bit...

[ A sigh. ] Grief is weird. It hits us all differently, too.

Not with the lives we come from right? Sometimes we have no choice but to pretend a tiny bit. Otherwise we'll lose it completely and might not come back.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's how you keep going when things are bad. It's one of the first things they teach you when you enlist, too.

You know if they really teach that it explains a lot about Carver and Norton.

I've never met a soldier that didn't act like a soldier in their heart -- no matter some of the other principles, that's always been the same, no matter the soldier, or where they're from.

It doesn't give them much of an ability to deal with non soldier situations though.

No that's -- that's always the hard part. Us soldiers aren't very good at that.

It's not something I often think about. We don't have any choice; the what-ifs don't really matter in the end.

That's a good point. What-ifs rarely matter. I know too many people that spend all their time on those things.

They spend all their time in the past or some imagined future and waste the present. I know the type. But here in this place, the present is all we have.

Sounds like you're very familiar with the type. You're right though, the present is all we've got here. I wish I'd realized that completely sooner and taken advantage of the present more. And what this place has.

What's stopping you now? You're still here. Not much about this place has changed.

[...beyond the coup, but well. At least that's done.]

It's different with my fiance gone. Especially thinking about what he's gone back to.

[Oh, no. He can't just text her. It's too impersonal for such a huge blow, and besides, he wants to see how she's doing.

If she chooses to answer in voice or text, he'll switch to that, but he has to at least try.]

I'm sorry, Ellie. That's just... [He remembers what she'd said, about how she'd go home without Isaac; now he's done the same to her.] It's unfair. How you holding up?

[ It's a bit before she responds, mostly because she's deciding if she wants to do video. It all rests on how well she thinks she can fake it. She tries to force a smile, but she looks way too tired to even make a good attempt. ]

Sometimes life is just unfair. I'm...I'm holding up well though. How have you been since all of that happened?

Fine.

[He's not worried about himself right now. He'd be upset if Traci left, and he'd be able to see her back home, without zombies.

Probably.]

Not really what I'm worried about right now, anyway. Look, is there anything you wanna go do or see, or whatever? Anything to keep your mind off it? 'Cause if there is, I'm your guy.

Well, maybe I'm worried about you. [ It's better than thinking about her own issues at all. ]

I don't think anything can keep my mind off of this. The offer is appreciated but...[ All she can do is think about how lonely she suddenly feels. ] I'll be okay.

...it's okay not to be. I wouldn't be. Wasn't, for stuff kind of like this.

[He's had friends go back to some pretty awful lives, not that that even compares to losing your boyfriend to a world that you yourself have to return to one day.]

Let me know if you change your mind?

What...what did you do when you weren't okay when it happened to you?

Went through their stuff, and the stuff they gave me. Hung up a few pictures. Distracted myself by watching a crapton of TV and going to work and hanging out with a few friends. [He offers her a small, self-deprecating sort of smile, because he's invested in being entirely honest.] Cried for a while?

That's all pretty normal stuff to do after losing someone, I think.

[ She let out a tiny laugh. ]Think it's bad that I can't remember the last time I cried?

Maybe not bad, per se, but it's good to cry every now and then, y'know? It helps get it all out. Maybe you just gotta help it along. Watch a sad movie or something.

Got any sad movie suggestions?

[He's trying to think of movies that don't end in dead couples, he really is!]

Um. Disney movies usually have at least one sad moment in them. They always got me.

[He's using past tense like they still don't get to him, the faker.]

Disney movies huh. I thought they were silly animated movies?

Disney movies where someone always dies at the beginning. But if you wanna go real sad, there's plenty of, like, actual tragic movies out there. I just like happy endings.

Is that really the formula? Someone dies in the beginning of those movies?

Pretty much, yeah! They don't wanna end it sad, so usually only the bad guy dies at the end. Usually by falling off a cliff? I think that's the difference between a happy movie and a sad one: happy ones have someone dying at the beginning, and sad ones have 'em dying at the end.

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