1 || TEXT and ACTION

[nyahilist]

[[a. TEXT]]

where is florida
nearest bar herpa
nearest bar heropa
cheapest bar heropa
are there cat cafes in america
cat cafe heropa
internet not working

[Ichimatsu will eventually figure out this whole smartphone thing, but "Google" was always straightforward enough at home so why is it being such a pain in the ass right now? He eventually tabs out of this app to look for something else, like a GPS app or something to get him wherever he could go. That's what these things are supposed to be good for, right? Well it would be just freaking peachy if they would ACTUALLY WORK FOR HIM. It's stressful enough that he's stuck in whatever the hell Florida is, alone, but they had to go and give him a defective phone too. Great. Awesome. Fantastic. This is it. This is the way it ends. He is going to die in this pla-- oh wait nevermind, there's Google.]


[[b. RELATED ACTION]]

[Despite his irritation, he appears to the average bystander like he's any other millennial engulfed in their phone, oblivious to their surroundings. It of course has nothing to do with the fact that he can't actually deal with his surroundings right now, not at all. And who knows maybe this phone can answer the rest of his questions. ...Once he figures out how to use it.

The guy is just kinda draped lazily over a bench on the sidewalk, only occasionally glancing up from his phone to take note of whatever strange character is walking by, but not at all interested in interacting with them. Socializing is pretty much the lowest thing on his list of priorities right now, tbh.

Anyone that stops to look at him for too long will get a steady and decidedly unsettling staring contest.]

...

...

...What?



((ooc: First things first, I am so sorry about him. Secondly, feel free to tag text or action, but know that in person he probably isn't going to be a great conversationalist... This is my vague warning...))

Comments

[Text]

[monge]

[There's only one, really important question to ask here.]

why would you want to drink a cat???

[nyahilist]

i
wouldnt?

[And that's got to be the dumbest question he has ever heard. Who would commit such a barbaric act? Cats are friends, not food.]

you dont know what a cat cafe is
i guess that answers my question

Voice

[bindsthedead]

Why are you asking us? Does Florida not exist in your world?

[voice]

[nyahilist]

Wh-- [Holy shit his phone is talking to him. Maybe this is that Siri thing he's heard about... He's quiet for a few moments, trying to figure out why the hell his phone is doing whatever it's doing. How does he turn it off.]

Because I don't know where it is. [Flatly.] Hence the question. [Obviously. He is not going to try to justify himself to you, INTERNET. Who do you think you are!?]

Text

[electromedic]

I did not know cat cafes were a thing until you accidentally searched for it but now I know that they're the greatest thing to ever grace the face of this earth so thank you

text oh lordt im so sorry

[nyahilist]

[Oh god he's catching on now. He submitted his questions to a message board or something!! THAT is where all these comments are coming from. Okay. Cool. ...Wait, that's not cool at all. Actually it's devastating. Is this what he'll be remembered for? He should just die. It would be for the best.

Though, the good news is that nobody knows what he looks like and maybe he can... just... ignore the whole thing. Worry about it later. He's new, it's fine. It's not fine and he's dying but it's fine.

At least there are some positive comments, though. Like this one. It was probably made by a cute girl. He can deal with that. Let's see if anonymity really does smooth out the networking process...]

youve really never heard of them? you dont know what youre missing

[It takes him twelve years several moments to press send.]

[leonized]

I think your internet is working.

[nyahilist]

so thats a no to the bar and cafe then

[He fucked up and he's salty about it. He's realized the error of his ways and you can bet your last buck he is never asking the internet another question again. TECHNOLOGY HAS FAILED HIM. Google is useless and the universe is uncaring and the only thing you really have to look forward to his the vast depth and loving embrace of the void.

There are no cat cafes to be found in this place. What else is there to live for.]

text

[incogneto]

Try this.

text

[nyahilist]

oh wow technology is incredible

[And he hopes that this particular text comes across as dryly as he meant for it to because wow. Honestly he's only ticked because he would have done the same damn thing and this jerk beat him to it. 8|]

text

[booyahh]

If there aren't cat cafe's around someone needs to make one asap

[nyahilist]

if they dont im going back home

[Because seriously he will have no other reason to leave the house. America is A LIE.]

[kanadian]

Why would you want cats around your coffee? Or your food? They'd just get into it anyway.

[nyahilist]

because they are better than people in 100% of all situations?

[totty]

[There's something odd about these texts. Something very specifically odd.

It can't be. It can't be-- because, because clearly there's more furries cat obsessed people in the world, right?]

read the damn pamphlet

[well here's one way to find out]

1/2

[nyahilist]

[Something about the flavor of this particular text is familiar... But who could it be? Sure some of the other responses he's received have been snarky but there's just something about this one...

Fine, he'll play this game. He can narrow it down pretty quick. Already he can tell it's not Jyushi, because lmao and it's not long-winded enough to be Karamatsu thank fuck, which left Osomatsu, Choromatsu and Todomatsu.

Oso would have been happy to hear from him, Choro would have sounded concerned...

Shit.]

you read the damn pamphlet

2/2

[nyahilist]

dick

ACTION.

[jyuced]

[ Jyushimatsu had joked to Totty last month about summoning more of their brothers, and while Ichimatsu's arrival of course has nothing to do with him Jyushimatsu still isn't surprised at all that he's here. Maybe he's taking for granted a little bit that this whole crazy situation will just work out, or maybe... well, it's Jyushimatsu. He hasn't even seen Ichimatsu's post yet -- no, it's way more fitting that he'd just conveniently happen by his brother lazing on a bench even though Jyushimatsu doesn't come down to Heropa all the time. Did he just have a feeling? Did he just know somehow?

He circles around the bench, coming up behind Ichimatsu quickly and yanking his hood up and over his eyes. ]

Aha -- caught you! Surprise, guess who it is! Who am I, who am I?!

bless ur sweet face, juice

[nyahilist]

H-hey!! [Instead of shrieking when his hood is pulled down, he lets out some weird terrified yowling sound, like a pissed off alley cat. In his panic he manages to leap off the bench and smack face first into the pavement as he desperately tears at the hood to get it thE HELL OFF HIS FACE.] The fu--!?

[He recognizes the voice instantly, and despite the relief it brings him, it isn't enough to keep Ichimatsu from picking himself up off the ground and lunging at his brother in all his righteous sibling fury. DON'T STARTLE HIM, JUICY. IT'S NOT NICE.]

The hell was that for!? [You can practically see the steam shooting out of the cute little gray kitty ears on his head. Not that he knows they're there.]

text

[rocksforbrains]

there are cafes that serve cats???

WHY DO CATS NEED THAT CANT THEY GET THEIR OWN DRINKS

text

[nyahilist]

cats dont have thumbs they cant get their own drinks how will they hold them

[This guy missed the point entirely but also he would serve a cat whatever it wanted tbh.]

text;

[marriedmedium]

Darling, I'd be happy to direct you to the nearest bar. I know them all.

text; gently apologizes to every lady

[nyahilist]

[Oh shit. "Darling?" Oh shit it's a girl oh shit what if she'll come to the bar with him?? He could start off on the right foot here...

Not that anything ever goes right for a Matsuno.]

Oh? Maybe we should start with your favorite, then. [That sounded smooth, didn't it?]

B.

[braceforimpact]

[Staring is, in fact, one of Kaworu's great talents. Along with smiling meaninglessly. And smiling meaningfully.

And he's doing two of the three right now. It's up to Ichimatsu to figure out which of them it is.]

--oh, nothing! I thought you were doing something interesting, so I stopped to see what it was.

[The real question is: since Ichi spoke first, does that mean he lost the contest?]

[nyahilist]

[Stares down at himself and how he's just sort of sprawled out over this bench. And then up at his phone... and then around him, to make sure this guy isn't talking to someone else. He isn't going to move from this spot, however. He's made himself quite comfy.]

This... looks "interesting." [He just wants to clarify. What's up with this kid? Is he a cosplayer or something? No ones hair and eyes just... look like that. And what does he have to look so pleasant about? It's giving Ichi the creeps.]

Action!

[ohsweetsummerchild]

[If it's a staring contest Ichimatsu wants it's a staring contest he gets. Magnus hadn't actually meant to be staring so much as just looking around at this new place and the people in it but you know. Things happen.

He shoves his hands deep into his pockets and returns Ichimatsu's patented stare with one of his own]

Nothing. What about you?

text

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

oh my amelia earhart

you gotta let me know if you find a cat cafe around here

YOU GOTTA.