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maskormenace2016-04-01 08:02 pm
pillz) wrote in maskormenace2016-04-01 08:02 pm
O2 👶 VIDEO;
[technically, baba marta was a month ago and in another country. but it’s april fool in the united states which is close enough. according to his companion, this is better than shooting homeless people with paintball guns. when the video shudders into view, 10-year-old richard gansey iii stands on a heropa beach lit by mitsubishi headlights. the little boy is festooned in birds, a hilariously tall stork standing on his left shoulder, half a dozen tiny swallowtails running down his right arm. he looks very solemn and alarmingly adorable. from behind the cellphone camera, a voice (kavinsky’s) (drunk) (not more than usual) calls out:] Okay mini-Dick, telling your loving public what gives.
[ Dick is, in fact, more interested in the swallows than the camera. He seems relatively at peace with the stork, even when it starts to climb from his shoulder to the top of his head, but the swallows are running along his arms, and he has to keep moving to give them somewhere to go. ]
Are you sure the birds won't be scared of the fireworks? I don't want to make them -
[ Then he does look up, and sees the red light on Kavinsky's phone. His eyes widen. ]
We're already live?!
[ Concern is instantly replaced with the kind of smile that hints this is not his first photoshoot. ]
Hi, everyone! Joseph wants to tell all of you about the Baby Martha.
[ He pauses, looking expectantly at the boy offscreen. ]
Motherfucker I said no name-- fine. Fine, [kavinsky's disembodied voice is annoyed, but cussing at a smol child is just regular kavinsky. he never got pr lessons.] Baba Marta is a celebration of Spring. Life and renewal, bitches! March is a grandma who spends all winter fucking, shakes out her broke-ass mattress to make the last big snow, and the sun comes out when she smiles. [this is not the version you’re going to find in an encyclopedia. It’s also not child-safe. but everything is still mostly ok.] Me and homey here are bringing the Goddamn season.
[ Dick is wearing an expression of strong disapproval every time Kavinsky curses. It’s the kind of look you might see from your dad, which roughly translates as We’ve talked about this, son. But if they have, Kavinsky was clearly not listening, and Dick is not about to be put off by words alone. There are, after all, going to be fireworks. He was promised. ]
Okay, okay! Show them. Oh, wait.
[ One hand waves at the stork, getting it to fly, and then Dick starts to gather the swallows into the relative safety of his hands. ]
Fuckin’ sweet. [and then the camera fumbles. kavinsky clamps gansey’s little head between his elbows and puts his hands over his own ears, so that the camera winds up with a weird, skewed shot of the sky. the next instant, fireworks rip out of the mortar embedded nearby in the sand and up into the night overhead. deafening. red and white. the imports of heropa might even hear it, the distant pop-pop that goes with the flash of smoke and color over the seaside sky, punctuating the boardwalk lights and saturday beach club music. birds soar! the video goes out.]
[ Dick is, in fact, more interested in the swallows than the camera. He seems relatively at peace with the stork, even when it starts to climb from his shoulder to the top of his head, but the swallows are running along his arms, and he has to keep moving to give them somewhere to go. ]
Are you sure the birds won't be scared of the fireworks? I don't want to make them -
[ Then he does look up, and sees the red light on Kavinsky's phone. His eyes widen. ]
We're already live?!
[ Concern is instantly replaced with the kind of smile that hints this is not his first photoshoot. ]
Hi, everyone! Joseph wants to tell all of you about the Baby Martha.
[ He pauses, looking expectantly at the boy offscreen. ]
Motherfucker I said no name-- fine. Fine, [kavinsky's disembodied voice is annoyed, but cussing at a smol child is just regular kavinsky. he never got pr lessons.] Baba Marta is a celebration of Spring. Life and renewal, bitches! March is a grandma who spends all winter fucking, shakes out her broke-ass mattress to make the last big snow, and the sun comes out when she smiles. [this is not the version you’re going to find in an encyclopedia. It’s also not child-safe. but everything is still mostly ok.] Me and homey here are bringing the Goddamn season.
[ Dick is wearing an expression of strong disapproval every time Kavinsky curses. It’s the kind of look you might see from your dad, which roughly translates as We’ve talked about this, son. But if they have, Kavinsky was clearly not listening, and Dick is not about to be put off by words alone. There are, after all, going to be fireworks. He was promised. ]
Okay, okay! Show them. Oh, wait.
[ One hand waves at the stork, getting it to fly, and then Dick starts to gather the swallows into the relative safety of his hands. ]
Fuckin’ sweet. [and then the camera fumbles. kavinsky clamps gansey’s little head between his elbows and puts his hands over his own ears, so that the camera winds up with a weird, skewed shot of the sky. the next instant, fireworks rip out of the mortar embedded nearby in the sand and up into the night overhead. deafening. red and white. the imports of heropa might even hear it, the distant pop-pop that goes with the flash of smoke and color over the seaside sky, punctuating the boardwalk lights and saturday beach club music. birds soar! the video goes out.]
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...Of course, he doesn't actually know how to deal with it, so he's just gonna. Actively ignore it instead.]
oh another weird future thing
got it
anyway, youre older, so you oughta set a good example
[kOTETSU]
hes right you know
theres much better ways to look cool than swearing
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cuz im already doin those too ;(
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ok if youre old enough to drive the car is fine but
the other two things are DEFINITELY A NO
dont do drugs, okay
or drink underage
its bad for you
oh my god you dont drive drunk do you
please tell me you dont
like ok you shouldnt do those other things but
this one is a super big deal
thats incredibly dangerous please dont ever do it
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this should b the answer u want
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2) SARCASM HEARTS DONT COUNT
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