maskormenace | Entry #004

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Entry #004 | Video

[ Here is Gansey, looking a little strange. He’s wearing a navy-blue sweater emblazoned with a raven – an Aglionby school sweater, over what appears to be ordinary clothes. His shoulders and hair are damp, like he’s been rained on, and he looks strangely pale. Despite that, he’s displaying a welcoming smile, and his hazel eyes are bright and vital with some emotion he’s holding back. ]

Apparently, I vanished yesterday.

I say apparently because it feels more like several weeks ago, but according to this – [ he holds up one of De Chima’s daily newspapers – a tabloid, headlined with speculation about the upcoming import elections ] – it’s only been a day.

A lot can happen in a day. Sometimes things that give you perspective.

Can I ask – the school year is almost over. Some of you will be graduating. I will. Which is odd, because I was here for eight months, and then I went home and it was Fall again, and Senior year was just beginning. I’m not completely sure what age I am now. I turned eighteen a couple of months ago.

[ Which, he actually never mentioned. It had seemed like there were more important things to be getting along with, and the thought of getting older in the wrong world had annoyed Gansey anyway. He’d kept quiet. Now, if he could do that over again, he thinks he’d celebrate it more – even though he’s only mentioning it now because it’s relevant to this. ]

Then I go home, and I’m seventeen again, so now I don’t even know what counts. Graduation will, though, I know that much.

So: to everyone else who’s graduating. Or even if you’re not, even if it’s just that you see change coming for you. What are your plans? Will you work, will you travel? What would you like to do, ideally? I think I’m ready for it to be summer again.

Private to: Billy Kaplan, Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch, Noah Czerny, Matthew Lynch

[ This part goes to everyone’s private inboxes. Gansey’s smile is less presidential here, but his eyes are even sharper. He seems energized, like he’s on the edge of something. His voice is trying not to sound like it. ]

Hey, everyone. I very much hope I didn’t worry you. I think I was mid-conversation with you, Billy. I’ll have to blame my rudeness on the Porter.

Listen, I’m on my way home. Could someone bring the car and pick me up? I’m getting pizza from that Italian place near the porter in De Chima. I’m absolutely famished.

I’d…like to know if anyone else vanished, too. Ronan, Adam?

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Jesus, seven years in a week. That must have been strange, when you got back. How long have you been here?

[ Strange, that Gansey isn't sure. He knows it's been a while, though, the same as with Billy. ]

[ Gansey swivels his camera around, so that it takes in the name of the pizza place he's at. They're taking their time with his order. ]

Still here.

Look...don't be long, will you? I want to see you.

[ In person, to make sure that -

Gansey can't think about it. The demon has never been in this world. Ronan is fine, because he hasn't gotten there yet. Jesus, it's hard to let go of that moment. For him, it had only been moments ago. ]

Hey, Sam.

[ It's been a while, but Gansey remembers. Sam had been nice. Lots of people here had been nice. Gansey had been so focused on leaving...

For good reason, of course. But it's as though he was rushing his way through life. Now, he doesn't want to anymore. ]

I used to have vague plans to go to college, study history, and then...

I don't know. Do something with that, maybe. It's been a while since I've thought about it. I wasn't thinking much beyond this year. Now it's all ending quite suddenly. It's probably too late to even consider college now, isn't it? For this year, anyway.

[ He doesn't sound overly disappointed by that. ]

[ Gansey's smile turns a little more personal at the sight of Cosima. ]

Thanks. You know, I've barely thought about it until now. There was something unreal about school here, like it wouldn't matter once I went home anyway.

Which it still won't, but I think it might be better to enjoy the moment. How are you, Cosima?

Saint Walker.

[ Gansey says that name like it's a breath of relief - because, honestly, it is. Walker had helped him a great deal, and remembering that now helps him even more. ]

Hello. It's good to hear from you.

I'm not sure, really. I just know that it goes forward. There's a lot I want to do, and I don't think I've really taken stock of that before. I was somewhat single-minded.

[ For reasons that he now cannot be. That's not a thought that comes without pain. Gansey won't focus on that now. He can't focus on that now, this isn't the time for grief. This is the time to think of life. ]

I think I want something new. To travel, maybe. I've traveled before, but I mean for the sake of it. I don't think I've thought it through, yet.

Thanks.

[ Gansey lifts his eyebrow. Jaime sounds unduly surprised by that. ]

I have a lot of friends here, yes. I don't think they would all want to travel, but I'm thinking about it. I'm not sure I want to go to college right away, even if it wasn't too late to start thinking about it.

[ No, listen Kitty, he is a functional human being who has entertained British people before. He's got this covered. ]

I can get some tea. And - milk, I suppose? I forgot about that the last time. [ Okay so he's semi-functional. ] I struggle with remembering if it's milk or lemon. We only ever make it when it's iced.

I did.

[ He sounds a little unsure. ]

It's something I can do at home, actually. Something I'm still discovering. I can't say that I really...

Maybe I can show you. You might understand it better than I do.

[ And as for that last part, how dare you. ]

Kitty would be scandalized. I seem to recall artwork where you did, though. That was wrong on many levels.

[ Gansey looks away. He can't say Noah is wrong, because he knows that he's not. He's seen behind his mask.

And beyond that, he's barely seen any sign of Noah in weeks. ]

I don't want it to be.

But I know that you can't stay like that. I know it wouldn't be fair. I just don't want to let you go.

[ God help him, he's going to answer that seriously.

He already regrets it, don't worry. ]

Maybe
Eventually

Not straight away. What are you doing, or have you not attended enough classes to graduate?

[ He didn't say he'd answer it without sass, okay. ]

[ Gansey frowns at that. It’s only been a day, and they’d been solid enough before he’d gone. They’d also been solid enough in his own world; Gansey had fought with Ronan more than either of them had fought with each other.

Except for when they’d had no choice. He won’t think about that. ]

What happened?

Tell me it wasn’t because of me, Parrish, please.

Two years, this July.

[ It's just stated so nonchalantly. Yeah, two years, whatever, no big deal, Dorian doesn't have any particular feelings about it one way or the other. ]

An excellent point! One that raises so many different answers. Transfer of consciousness, this is all just one exceedingly long and complicated shared dream, we're all a simulacrum, clones, the list goes on and on.

After all, our memories vanish when we return home but certain other things vanish as well. [ And here, the Doctor reaches up to the tattoo on his wrist, blazing 'UNSETTLED' and lightly taps it. ]

[ She smiles fondly then. ]

A friend of mine and I made plans a long time ago... but we weren't able to see go together then.

( sam himself had been a little too preoccupied with other things when he'd first gotten here to think about leaving - and those things are still rolling around in his head, and ... well, wandering between the cities, making trouble for himself. he has to find a way to get a hold on dean before something bad happens in the literal sense instead of the hypothetical.

but he has a hard time living outside of the what-ifs in the day-to-day. ) It's never too late to think about college, if it's something you really want to do. I went for a few years, and things went really well until ... well, life happened. ( he shrugs it off, because it's been so long now that it doesn't do him much good to think about what he could have had if he'd just finished at stanford and gone ahead with a career in law.

but there's something to gansey's tone that insinuates that he doesn't really mind that he thinks it's too late, and he ponders that. )

You could always take a year off. I've known a lot of people that have, and they went back after a little ... I guess you could call it 'soul-searching', if you wanted. ( there's a little laugh. ) If you can even get away with trying something like that before you hit twenty.

( sam you sound like an old man, jeez. )

[Sorry, Gansey. Most people he knows are on their first relationships, and Gansey's always seemed a little to cerebral to do a whole lot of sleeping around... especially considering his protestations during that misfired texting mishap.]

I figure college is the kinda thing to do only if you really want to go. If you're just going for the degree, there's no promise you'll be here long enough to even finish your first year.

I like mine with milk. Thanks, that's brilliant. Oh, and buy good tea, won't you? A good pot starts with good tea leaves.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm coming.

[He clicks his communicator off. He hit his communicator limit.]

God, gag.

[Just. Kissing girls.]

Yeah, when you're ready, okay? Your job is still here.

Luckily for you, seems summer is just around the bend.

[A pause.] Welcome back, Gansey. We haven't spoken all that much, and I can't say your time away was long enough to really catch any attention, but. I'm thinking we should take that museum trip you suggested. You know, in case you disappear again.

[Because that would suck, and Toby's seen how some people come and go... and never return.]

[ Gansey nods, and now sits down to wait. Eventually, his pizza does arrive, and he nibbles at it ineffectually.

He's hungry. He's still hungry, but his stomach is also rebelling in a way that's not entirely comfortable. He hadn't lied about how long a day this has been. There's too much going on inside him; grief, frustration, the remnants of fear, the elation of life, the shock of being back here and misery of losing Blue in the process...

It's too much. The only way he knows how to deal with any of it is to chain it down, keep it off his face, and make himself deal with what's on the surface. He tells himself there'll be time to dissect the rest later, when he's home, and he has space to think, and he knows his friends are all right.

He waits. It's not a patient waiting. ]

[The car rolls up about ten minutes later, which means Ronan was speeding, as much for the urgency as the way it slammed the worry out of him. Speeding was always a sure-fire way to get Ronan to calm down.

He parks out in front of Gansey.]

Get in.

[Without much preamble. He's really glad to see him, but he's Ronan, so he can't just say it.]

[ Gansey exhales when he sees the car. The familiarity of that, and of Ronan - despite his mood, which still seems dire - is very much needed.

Without hesitation, he lifts the pizza in its box and gets into the car. The pizza is held on his knee. His belt goes on immediately, because you'd have to be completely insane to get in a car with Ronan and not do that.

He's emotionally compromised. He's not insane. ]

Thank you.

[ For bringing the car. He sinks back into the passenger seat. ]

That was faster than I thought.

[He shrugs and doesn't start moving right away. Instead he looks over at Gansey, looks him up and down, and then back up.]

Fuck.

[He says it really quietly.]

Christ, Gansey.

[ Gansey is paying attention to the pizza box. He folds the lid over very neatly, making sure all the edges line up. This seems to be very important. ]

I know.

It's not as though I had any warning, Lynch.

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