maskormenace | Entry #004

[ Here is Gansey, looking a little strange. He’s wearing a navy-blue sweater emblazoned with a raven – an Aglionby school sweater, over what appears to be ordinary clothes. His shoulders and hair are damp, like he’s been rained on, and he looks strangely pale. Despite that, he’s displaying a welcoming smile, and his hazel eyes are bright and vital with some emotion he’s holding back. ]

Apparently, I vanished yesterday.

I say apparently because it feels more like several weeks ago, but according to this – [ he holds up one of De Chima’s daily newspapers – a tabloid, headlined with speculation about the upcoming import elections ] – it’s only been a day.

A lot can happen in a day. Sometimes things that give you perspective.

Can I ask – the school year is almost over. Some of you will be graduating. I will. Which is odd, because I was here for eight months, and then I went home and it was Fall again, and Senior year was just beginning. I’m not completely sure what age I am now. I turned eighteen a couple of months ago.

[ Which, he actually never mentioned. It had seemed like there were more important things to be getting along with, and the thought of getting older in the wrong world had annoyed Gansey anyway. He’d kept quiet. Now, if he could do that over again, he thinks he’d celebrate it more – even though he’s only mentioning it now because it’s relevant to this. ]

Then I go home, and I’m seventeen again, so now I don’t even know what counts. Graduation will, though, I know that much.

So: to everyone else who’s graduating. Or even if you’re not, even if it’s just that you see change coming for you. What are your plans? Will you work, will you travel? What would you like to do, ideally? I think I’m ready for it to be summer again.

Private to: Billy Kaplan, Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch, Noah Czerny, Matthew Lynch

[ This part goes to everyone’s private inboxes. Gansey’s smile is less presidential here, but his eyes are even sharper. He seems energized, like he’s on the edge of something. His voice is trying not to sound like it. ]

Hey, everyone. I very much hope I didn’t worry you. I think I was mid-conversation with you, Billy. I’ll have to blame my rudeness on the Porter.

Listen, I’m on my way home. Could someone bring the car and pick me up? I’m getting pizza from that Italian place near the porter in De Chima. I’m absolutely famished.

I’d…like to know if anyone else vanished, too. Ronan, Adam?

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[ Gansey exhales when he sees the car. The familiarity of that, and of Ronan - despite his mood, which still seems dire - is very much needed.

Without hesitation, he lifts the pizza in its box and gets into the car. The pizza is held on his knee. His belt goes on immediately, because you'd have to be completely insane to get in a car with Ronan and not do that.

He's emotionally compromised. He's not insane. ]

Thank you.

[ For bringing the car. He sinks back into the passenger seat. ]

That was faster than I thought.

[He shrugs and doesn't start moving right away. Instead he looks over at Gansey, looks him up and down, and then back up.]

Fuck.

[He says it really quietly.]

Christ, Gansey.

[ Gansey is paying attention to the pizza box. He folds the lid over very neatly, making sure all the edges line up. This seems to be very important. ]

I know.

It's not as though I had any warning, Lynch.

I know.

[He rests his head back against the headrest, then starts driving. It's not manic.]

Are you okay?

[He really doesn't seem to be mad anymore. He sounds pissed but it's standard-Ronan pissed, not pissed at Gansey-pissed.]

[ That's a complicated question. Gansey turns several responses over. The one he chooses is honest, at least. ]

I've been better.

I've been worse, too. I think I could sleep for a week.

[Always the best choice, with Ronan.]

You gonna be able to?

[ Gansey's shoulders move, and he looks down at his hands. They're a mess. They look like he's been poking through a cave all night, which he has. ]

Not likely.

Getting home would be a start. Adam said you fought.

[He drives.]

Yeah, we fought.

[He goes so quiet, for a minute.]

I was angry.

[ Gansey knows. Matthew already explained, and he'd probably have known even if he hadn't.

But still. ]

You thought I wasn't coming back.

[Ronan is quiet, his fists moving on the wheel.]

Yeah.

I thought you weren't coming back.

[ So did I, Gansey thinks. But for a different reason. The breath he takes seems a little shallow. ]

I need you to hold them together, Ronan. If something happens again, I mean. I don’t want to think you’re all at each other’s throats the moment I’m gone.

[He's silent.]

I'm not that good.

[He's not good enough for Adam, he knows that. But without Gansey around, it's more obvious.]

You are, though.

[ Gansey pulls his knees up, draping his arms on top of them. Exhaustion is really tugging at him by now. He'd been crying earlier, and he can't remember the last time he'd done that. ]

I trust you to be. Ronan, if something ever happened to me...

The worst thing would be if you all fell apart after. You have to know that. You've got to stick together.

[He's quiet.]

Okay.

Okay, Gansey, okay.

Okay.

[ Glancing at him. ]

You all right?

I need to make up with Adam.

[He doesn't know how yet but he needs to do it.

But saying that means he'll be fine.]

[ A little nod. It's a good sign. ]

What did you say to him?

Things I say when I'm angry.

He knows you.

[ Gansey looks up. He's studying Ronan quite closely, reaffirming in himself that he's here and that whatever was happening to Ronan in their own world is not happening here. ]

He won't hold it against you. The two of you are somewhat inevitable, as it turns out.

[He looks over, then, suddenly, his eyebrows quirking a little.]

I need him.

[Gansey, of all people, should understand that.]

I noticed.

[ Gansey looks at Ronan, a little smile on his face. ]

Blue and I are together, Ronan. I told you at home, but you should know here, too. Because we were together here.

[ He leans back in the seat, eyes closing. ]

I can't have it be a secret anymore.

Congratulations?

[There's a pause.]

Good for you, then.

[That's genuine, even if it sounds a bit resentful. It's not. He just wants Adam back.]

[ Gansey doesn't really react, except to lift his shoulders. It's said, and that's all he'd wanted. ]

Just talk to him, Ronan.

He needs you, too.

[He makes a face but doesn't disagree.

And then he nods. Okay.

Okay.]

Entry #004 | Video

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