maskormenace | Entry #004

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Entry #004 | Video

[ Here is Gansey, looking a little strange. He’s wearing a navy-blue sweater emblazoned with a raven – an Aglionby school sweater, over what appears to be ordinary clothes. His shoulders and hair are damp, like he’s been rained on, and he looks strangely pale. Despite that, he’s displaying a welcoming smile, and his hazel eyes are bright and vital with some emotion he’s holding back. ]

Apparently, I vanished yesterday.

I say apparently because it feels more like several weeks ago, but according to this – [ he holds up one of De Chima’s daily newspapers – a tabloid, headlined with speculation about the upcoming import elections ] – it’s only been a day.

A lot can happen in a day. Sometimes things that give you perspective.

Can I ask – the school year is almost over. Some of you will be graduating. I will. Which is odd, because I was here for eight months, and then I went home and it was Fall again, and Senior year was just beginning. I’m not completely sure what age I am now. I turned eighteen a couple of months ago.

[ Which, he actually never mentioned. It had seemed like there were more important things to be getting along with, and the thought of getting older in the wrong world had annoyed Gansey anyway. He’d kept quiet. Now, if he could do that over again, he thinks he’d celebrate it more – even though he’s only mentioning it now because it’s relevant to this. ]

Then I go home, and I’m seventeen again, so now I don’t even know what counts. Graduation will, though, I know that much.

So: to everyone else who’s graduating. Or even if you’re not, even if it’s just that you see change coming for you. What are your plans? Will you work, will you travel? What would you like to do, ideally? I think I’m ready for it to be summer again.

Private to: Billy Kaplan, Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch, Noah Czerny, Matthew Lynch

[ This part goes to everyone’s private inboxes. Gansey’s smile is less presidential here, but his eyes are even sharper. He seems energized, like he’s on the edge of something. His voice is trying not to sound like it. ]

Hey, everyone. I very much hope I didn’t worry you. I think I was mid-conversation with you, Billy. I’ll have to blame my rudeness on the Porter.

Listen, I’m on my way home. Could someone bring the car and pick me up? I’m getting pizza from that Italian place near the porter in De Chima. I’m absolutely famished.

I’d…like to know if anyone else vanished, too. Ronan, Adam?

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[ The whole thing is so wholly Gansey that Adam has to pause a minute and gently thump his head against the wall he's leaning on. Trust his friend to start talking about graduation the minute he gets back. It's a short lived reaction, eventually Adam's face appears on the feed - more tired than usual, he didn't exactly sleep last night -, the Blotter office his only backdrop, relief mingling with his still worried frown. ]

Lynch has the car. He'll come get you.

[ And Adam will get his ass home as quick as he can. He needs to make sure this isn't a mirage. ]

You okay?

[ Kitty's expression is little startled, and not very happily so - she didn't realize he was gone. Still. She straightens her shirt and says, firmly: ]

I suppose you ought to just pick the age you feel suits you.

[ 'Are you okay'. No, Gansey is not remotely okay. His (still agitated) mind runs through a selection of possible responses to that.

He discards them, and keeps focusing on the practical. He has to get home, he has to see his friends. Ronan has the car - so Ronan is okay, then, presumably. That makes one point of tension in his chest unknot, but there are others.

Among them, that Adam does not look at all the way he looked when Gansey last saw him. He needs to know where they stand, quickly. ]

I'm okay. I had a busy night, that's all. And day. Time was...strange.

I take it you don't remember any of that.

Oh my god.

Oh, my god you're back. Dude. You gave me a heart attack. I am too young to die that way.

wb ti/tyfuck :)

[ Kitty Jones. The light in Gansey's eyes brightens. She is among the people he had forgotten, and has now regained. Memories piling on top of memories - how do you squeeze eight months into a week, in your mind? ]

I feel both, in a way. And neither. Turning eighteen doesn't feel overly real anymore.

How are you, Kathleen?

[ Unbelievably, that makes Gansey smile. ]

Yes you are. And actually, so am I.

Sorry for scaring you. Did that book ever arrive? I hope it did, or I'll be calling them later.

Oh, I'm all right.

[ She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. ]

A friend of mine came back. Someone I'd like you to meet. Someone you'll like to meet, I expect.

I haven't gone anywhere.

[ Which is a no. There's nothing for Adam to remember, he'd never left. There's a strange energy about Gansey though, and it makes something twist oddly in his stomach. ] It was just you.

[ There's a sound from behind Adam, the noise of general day to day work. Adam moves into a quieter hallway and lifts his phone again. ] You're going straight to the Meadows, right? After pizza?

[ Oh.

Right. This guy.

Gansey's mood is in too high a key for this. Also he's not even going to try and decipher that second word. ]

Joseph. Keeping out of trouble?

[Noah's eyes look tired. Backlit by his bedroom windows, he somehow seems smaller, less solid. He knows what Gansey went home to. It's written all over the broadcast, all over Gansey's smile.]

We're all here.

[That's all he has to offer.]

[ Matthew instantly appears with a warm, eager smile, leaning in close to the screen. ]

Gansey! I knew you'd come back. [ Oh, he is so relieved, though. ] Everyone else is still here.

[ They lost it while you were gone, Gansey. You are maybe not allowed to vanish like that again. ]

You really went home for weeks?

[ It was just him.

So they don't know, none of them will know. He died, and they saved him, and they don't know. Gansey can feel it in himself. He can feel that he's different, can feel an understanding of himself that he'd never had before.

He'd never wanted to know his own future. Should he tell them theirs?

He doesn't know. The thought skates away. If he tells them, it's not going to be over the Network. He's going to process it first. ]

Yeah. Yes, I want to come home. I'm not...going to work. Not today.

Are you all right? What happened when I was gone?

Nothing.

[ He says it easily, because it's true. Gansey doesn't need to know that Ronan lost his shit, that they fought. He'll probably be able to tell from their friend's attitude anyway. Ronan was always the more explosive when it came to loss. ] I'll see if I can get out early.

[ He glances back to the main office. Maybe he'll just break out if they say no. He needs to not be here anyway. ]

You really remember being here? [ Because let's face it, they've had a shitty track record. ]

[ He is not wrong.

Noah's face appears, and something in Gansey's changes. An oddness, like a fracture, which he shutters quickly away. The last time he'd seen him had been in the car, when... ]

Noah.

We should talk.

[ Matthew makes it easier to keep that smile in place.

Christ, it's good to see him. He only hopes the Matthew in his world is just as happy. ]

I did. I saw a few people. Saw Declan, actually. He's looking well.

Is Ronan all right?

[ Gansey lifts his eyebrows.

Then a memory crashes in, and he realizes he'd not had a chance to talk to her about this before he left. Jesus, it had happened suddenly.

So much had happened suddenly. ]

Yes. Billy said something about Nathaniel. That's who you mean, right? Your friend from home.

The Magician.

[ Gansey, by now, is leaning against the wall of what appears to be the pizza place. A smile ticks upwards at that question, because he remembers what happened when Ronan vanished. And Noah hadn't remembered anything, either. ]

I remember. All of it, I think.

I've...listen, Adam.

[ He takes a breath. ]

It's been a hell of a week, actually. It's all right if you can't get out early. I can see you tonight, we have plenty of time.

[ All the time in the world, now. Gansey can't actually believe he's saying that. ]

[He shrinks a little more.

I thought you weren't going to hate me, he thinks. I thought you were going to help. But now Gansey's seen him - he's seen what decay can do. A dead thing only gets more dead. Noah feels like slipping beneath his bed and hiding.]

Okay. [Pause.] I'm sorry.

[ Gansey locks this.

He hasn't told the others. There's a lot to process. There's too much to process, really, and it only just happened to him.

But this is important. This is needed. ]

Stop saying that.

It wasn't your fault. Jesus, it took you, and it had no right -

But I think it's gone, Noah. I think I got rid of it. Permanently, I hope.

[ Oh - yes, of course. He would have heard. Though now that she thinks about it, it might be dangerous having Billy's two straight-boy crushes talk nerdy to each other. Billy might actually explode. ]

That's right. I think you two will get along. He's as clever as you are - which means, of course, that he's nearly as clever as me.

[Noah tries to blink back the residual shame, his chin quivering minutely. He doesn't deserve this, he doesn't deserve this, he doesn't-]

... What did you do?

[There's a bad feeling in his stomach.]

Ronan's fine.

[Said in the Ronan's pissed tone of voice]

[ Gansey feels time slipping around him.

It's not the first time, though it has more meaning now than it ever did before. He imagines he's back in that moment, as if that moment is every moment -

He takes a breath, smiles at Noah. ]

You know what I did. You've always known, haven't you?

There was never any other way.

[ Ah.

Well. ]

Is Ronan coming to get me?

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