maskormenace | Entry #004

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Entry #004 | Video

[ Here is Gansey, looking a little strange. He’s wearing a navy-blue sweater emblazoned with a raven – an Aglionby school sweater, over what appears to be ordinary clothes. His shoulders and hair are damp, like he’s been rained on, and he looks strangely pale. Despite that, he’s displaying a welcoming smile, and his hazel eyes are bright and vital with some emotion he’s holding back. ]

Apparently, I vanished yesterday.

I say apparently because it feels more like several weeks ago, but according to this – [ he holds up one of De Chima’s daily newspapers – a tabloid, headlined with speculation about the upcoming import elections ] – it’s only been a day.

A lot can happen in a day. Sometimes things that give you perspective.

Can I ask – the school year is almost over. Some of you will be graduating. I will. Which is odd, because I was here for eight months, and then I went home and it was Fall again, and Senior year was just beginning. I’m not completely sure what age I am now. I turned eighteen a couple of months ago.

[ Which, he actually never mentioned. It had seemed like there were more important things to be getting along with, and the thought of getting older in the wrong world had annoyed Gansey anyway. He’d kept quiet. Now, if he could do that over again, he thinks he’d celebrate it more – even though he’s only mentioning it now because it’s relevant to this. ]

Then I go home, and I’m seventeen again, so now I don’t even know what counts. Graduation will, though, I know that much.

So: to everyone else who’s graduating. Or even if you’re not, even if it’s just that you see change coming for you. What are your plans? Will you work, will you travel? What would you like to do, ideally? I think I’m ready for it to be summer again.

Private to: Billy Kaplan, Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch, Noah Czerny, Matthew Lynch

[ This part goes to everyone’s private inboxes. Gansey’s smile is less presidential here, but his eyes are even sharper. He seems energized, like he’s on the edge of something. His voice is trying not to sound like it. ]

Hey, everyone. I very much hope I didn’t worry you. I think I was mid-conversation with you, Billy. I’ll have to blame my rudeness on the Porter.

Listen, I’m on my way home. Could someone bring the car and pick me up? I’m getting pizza from that Italian place near the porter in De Chima. I’m absolutely famished.

I’d…like to know if anyone else vanished, too. Ronan, Adam?

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[ Ah.

Well. ]

Is Ronan coming to get me?

I'm not going to make you walk. Parrish is coming with.

[ He's definitely angry with him.

Meanwhile, Gansey's mind is a whirlwind. His last view of Ronan had shown him in intense pain, while he struggled with something that was trying to kill him from the inside out. Before that, he'd been fighting through the grief that came with finding the body of his second parent in two years.

He's fine now. But he's also from before all of that. He has all of that to come. And he should be safe, he should live, because of what Gansey did, but Gansey also hasn't seen him to know for sure and -

And Ronan is angry with him now. It's too much. ]

You know I didn't choose to leave.

I'm not stupid, Dick.

[He knows. He knows he's being unfair, but he can't always get a grip. He's mad but he'll calm down. He's mad because he was afraid, because this led to a fight with Parrish, because this made him realize how precarious things here could be.]

Where are you?

[ Gansey swivels his camera around, so that it takes in the name of the pizza place he's at. They're taking their time with his order. ]

Still here.

Look...don't be long, will you? I want to see you.

[ In person, to make sure that -

Gansey can't think about it. The demon has never been in this world. Ronan is fine, because he hasn't gotten there yet. Jesus, it's hard to let go of that moment. For him, it had only been moments ago. ]

Yeah, yeah.

I'm coming.

[He clicks his communicator off. He hit his communicator limit.]

[ Gansey nods, and now sits down to wait. Eventually, his pizza does arrive, and he nibbles at it ineffectually.

He's hungry. He's still hungry, but his stomach is also rebelling in a way that's not entirely comfortable. He hadn't lied about how long a day this has been. There's too much going on inside him; grief, frustration, the remnants of fear, the elation of life, the shock of being back here and misery of losing Blue in the process...

It's too much. The only way he knows how to deal with any of it is to chain it down, keep it off his face, and make himself deal with what's on the surface. He tells himself there'll be time to dissect the rest later, when he's home, and he has space to think, and he knows his friends are all right.

He waits. It's not a patient waiting. ]

[The car rolls up about ten minutes later, which means Ronan was speeding, as much for the urgency as the way it slammed the worry out of him. Speeding was always a sure-fire way to get Ronan to calm down.

He parks out in front of Gansey.]

Get in.

[Without much preamble. He's really glad to see him, but he's Ronan, so he can't just say it.]

[ Gansey exhales when he sees the car. The familiarity of that, and of Ronan - despite his mood, which still seems dire - is very much needed.

Without hesitation, he lifts the pizza in its box and gets into the car. The pizza is held on his knee. His belt goes on immediately, because you'd have to be completely insane to get in a car with Ronan and not do that.

He's emotionally compromised. He's not insane. ]

Thank you.

[ For bringing the car. He sinks back into the passenger seat. ]

That was faster than I thought.

[He shrugs and doesn't start moving right away. Instead he looks over at Gansey, looks him up and down, and then back up.]

Fuck.

[He says it really quietly.]

Christ, Gansey.

[ Gansey is paying attention to the pizza box. He folds the lid over very neatly, making sure all the edges line up. This seems to be very important. ]

I know.

It's not as though I had any warning, Lynch.

I know.

[He rests his head back against the headrest, then starts driving. It's not manic.]

Are you okay?

[He really doesn't seem to be mad anymore. He sounds pissed but it's standard-Ronan pissed, not pissed at Gansey-pissed.]

[ That's a complicated question. Gansey turns several responses over. The one he chooses is honest, at least. ]

I've been better.

I've been worse, too. I think I could sleep for a week.

[Always the best choice, with Ronan.]

You gonna be able to?

[ Gansey's shoulders move, and he looks down at his hands. They're a mess. They look like he's been poking through a cave all night, which he has. ]

Not likely.

Getting home would be a start. Adam said you fought.

[He drives.]

Yeah, we fought.

[He goes so quiet, for a minute.]

I was angry.

[ Gansey knows. Matthew already explained, and he'd probably have known even if he hadn't.

But still. ]

You thought I wasn't coming back.

[Ronan is quiet, his fists moving on the wheel.]

Yeah.

I thought you weren't coming back.

[ So did I, Gansey thinks. But for a different reason. The breath he takes seems a little shallow. ]

I need you to hold them together, Ronan. If something happens again, I mean. I don’t want to think you’re all at each other’s throats the moment I’m gone.

[He's silent.]

I'm not that good.

[He's not good enough for Adam, he knows that. But without Gansey around, it's more obvious.]

You are, though.

[ Gansey pulls his knees up, draping his arms on top of them. Exhaustion is really tugging at him by now. He'd been crying earlier, and he can't remember the last time he'd done that. ]

I trust you to be. Ronan, if something ever happened to me...

The worst thing would be if you all fell apart after. You have to know that. You've got to stick together.

[He's quiet.]

Okay.

Okay, Gansey, okay.

Okay.

[ Glancing at him. ]

You all right?

I need to make up with Adam.

[He doesn't know how yet but he needs to do it.

But saying that means he'll be fine.]

[ A little nod. It's a good sign. ]

What did you say to him?

Entry #004 | Video

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