maskormenace | video; chalk off spot 3 on Doctor Bingo

[ The comm is obviously the Doctor's. And the background is obviously the Doctor's room in Heropa 11 (if you know what the Doctor's room looks like, that is). But there's some sort of hodge-podge device made up entirely of junk and taking up the majority of the bed. There's a fez sitting on a bedpost because the Doctor has money and Heropa has stores so the Doctor can buy hats. And the person who's grinning at the camera like a maniac is definitely not the Doctor. If it wasn't the lack of eyebrows, it's the bowtie and the fact that this Doctor looks like he'd be grumpy granddad Doctor's kid.

There's also a possum that's hanging out on his shoulders. Yeah, space granddad's affected like HELL due to the current plot. ]

Hellooooooo Heropa! Doctor here, or at least a Doctor, or at least a Doctor that you might not know, though that's the thing, isn't it! I don't know if you know me or not, isn't this fun? [ This Doctor does not shut up. ] But I do know that thanks to a few conversations with a few friends and a little bit of poking around here and there that some things aren't just adding up.

Now, someone mentioned magic. I don't know anything about magic, magic's not my wheelhouse, bother someone else if you want magic, but what I do know about are timelines. People who know people who've got weird memory issues, speak up! Who's affected, who's missing bits and pieces, who's backstories weirdly don't line up with your backstories, this might be a timey wimey problem and I'm the king of timey wimey.

[ There's a pause, while the possum yawns. ] Oh yes! This is Murray, by the way, he's informed me that he's quite happy with his living circumstances though he'd enjoy it if he had a few eggs. I think I'm taking Murray with me if the TARDIS ever were to show up here—he'll be new Handles.

[ another pause before ] Oh and also, I do hope that I wasn't the one who came up with the sonic sunglasses. There's nothing wrong with the screwdriver, screwdrivers are classic, screwdrivers are cool. Tell the other-Doctor if he shows up again that I'm rather put out by the changes! Right, Doctor out!

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Oh, you're Satan? You're a bit less big and red and horny than I was expecting. [ pause ] No, horned, big and red and horned I'm not taking any sort of jokes from the peanut gallery.

As I keep saying, the big, red and horny thing is a joke made by one of my brothers. Of course, originally those paintings made me green, which is quite unbefitting if I might say.

Green's even worse than red!

Green is pretty terrible. They made me look like some kind of satyr.

Or the Jolly Green Giant!

The jolly green giant with horns and a tail.

The analogy still fits, you know.

Does it? Poor guy.