(no subject)

[backinakidflash]

[ Bart's chilling on a swing in the park, although the swing itself isn't visible. The chains are pressed against his t-shirt, though, and the horizon is slightly swaying in the background. He's gone for a walk to think about whether he wants to make a Big Deal about this, because standing up on a soapbox and proclaiming a family member to be awesome is. Yeah, daunting. In the end, he decided that it's worth the embarrassment and whatever ribbing he might take for his sentimentality. ]

We interrupt your scheduled broadcast of humongous monsters, troll babies, and accidents to bring you this public service announcement.

As none of you know, today is National Aunts and Uncles Day. I know. You can't contain your excitement. It's OK to freak out.

[ Hang on. Is it okay to bring up something about family on the Network, or is it bragging that your family is here? He doesn't mind bragging about his family being awesome - on the whole, it is. But bragging about them being here, he doesn't want to do that. It's like rubbing salt in the wound, or something.

After a few seconds, he decides that it's probably more awkward to change the subject than to power through. He hopes people will understand. ]

Huh - actually, I'm kinda sorry I brought it up, because I know everyone's gotta be homesick, but my favorite uncle's here. It was only a three man race, sure, but he smoked the competition and this is the first year since I've known about this made-up holiday that I've been able to do anything about it. You all got Fathers Day and Mothers Day at some point. The universe owes me this one.

[ Getting so far off the track now. He better rein it back in before one of the more separation of name and codename types - like the one he's making the whole post about - has his head for naming specific relatives that aren't here. ]

So, uh. If you see Max Crandall today, be awesome to him even if he's being boring and cranky? I think I'm too old to make him a card, but I can try to give him a good day.

Oh yeah. I dunno if they'll never see this, but I'm giving a shout-out to my other aunts and uncles. Official and not. Even the one I've never met. I bet you're awesome; I know your daughter is.

[ He shrugs as if the statement is lighter than he means it to be. ]

You never know when people will turn up here, amirite?

All this needs is a BBQ, and it'll be my third favorite holiday. Hey, Uncle Max, you want to go get barbecue with me?

Comments

Permavid; VERY CLEARLY FROM A JAIL CELL

[exceptfebruary]

One is never too old to make a card.

[ Is he for real or is he joking? He certainly has a poker face. Knowing him, he is probably entirely 100% serious. ]

What would your first two favourite holidays be?

[backinakidflash]

Oh, man. I forgot you were here! Sorry to insult you, C-Man. I wouldn't have said as none of you know the date if you weren't as forgettable as National Broccoli Day.

Because who wants to celebrate broccoli.

[ Bart is very much avoiding telling Julian that he has never made a card, although if he's following other threads, he'll know. ]

Thanksgiving and Independence Day. [ The food holidays. ] I'd like Christmas, but certain people keep ruining it.

[exceptfebruary]

[ Julian is not happy. His face seems to shut down, and his shoulders and arms stick close to his body. He stills. His tone is cool. ]

Oh. I'm sure there are plenty of ways to ruin Thanksgiving as well. I did have a good go at Independence Day already. But I can always try again next year. For you.

[backinakidflash]

You'd have to rain on every parade, dry up every ocean and lake, pee on every campfire and grill and you still wouldn't ruin Independence Day because it's not about a physical thing.

Same with Thanksgiving. But I'll be pissed if you touch any of Aunt Joan's spread. She can cook. I've gone cross country for her meals.

[exceptfebruary]

[ There's so much to work with here. Should he question the boy's patriotism? Or imply how, exactly, he would ruin Thanksgiving? Or how holidays are more than physical things, but that does not mean one can't make one's mark on them.

But no. Today is Aunts and Uncles Day. And therefore he focuses on that. ]

Aunt Joan. Is this Aunt Joan here to cook that harvest feast?

[backinakidflash]

Nope. And I wouldn't try it if she was. She's pretty handy with a frying pan. You would not be the first to eat the floor.

[ If you touched Joan Garrick, Bart would personally make your life a living hell every nanosecond of the day. She is an old lady, and she deserves respect and possibly a bigger kitchen. If, you know, she feels like using it. It's not that women belong there; it's that she cooks so well that ... honestly, she belongs there.

But it's also Calendar Man, and Bart ranks him only slightly above Crazy Quilt. ]

Speaking of idle threats. Are you ever going to do something about everybody stealing your schtick? I mean, in the past five or so years, I know about four different Christmas attacks. Including one where tinsel was used as a weapon. Oh, and Murmur kidnapped a children's choir. Is nothing sacred?

not here

[guruofspeed]

[Should he be telling Bart to not antagonize a villain? Probably. But sometimes there's enjoyment in allowing the kid to do his thing without too much interference.

He'll just have to keep an eye out when Thanksgiving rolls around.]

video

[glitterateur]

--Uncles Day is a thing?! No way! I can't believe I didn't know. [She has been negligent.]

Also make him a card anyway because uncles are very important.

[backinakidflash]

It's a thing! I thought I'd be the only one who cared. I don't even know if my friends have uncles. Nobody ever mentions them.

[ Bart goes through about six facial expressions, and all of them read as embarrassed and almost shy (he will never be shy). Open mouth, bitten lip, ducked head, one cheek and eye scrunched, and finally a good old-fashioned neck rub and an accompanying sigh so forced his lips reverberate against each other. ]

I've never made one. A card.

[glitterateur]

[Mabel gasps. Making cards is just a thing that everyone should do at some point in their lives for a laundry list of reasons.]

You've never made a card?! Ever? Okay well we gotta change that. Do you have paper? I'll walk you through it.

[backinakidflash]

[ That reaction doesn't help much, although the offer to help is nice. ]

I kinda missed some kid stuff.

[ Or all of it. ]

I can get some paper? But it's kinda silly. I know how to make it technically.

[glitterateur]

Ohh. Are you from one of those dimensions where.... you know.

[Everything is terrible, the world is ending, cats and dogs would never make cute videos together on the internet, etc. It's just he default assumption in cases like this.]

But do you know how to make it artistically?

private; voice

[alreadywon]

[Oh hey, Tim's just crashing your conversation here.] I have a fake uncle I made up because I needed a legal guardian for a while. Does that count?

private; voice

[backinakidflash]

[ He doesn't need to use video because the sound of his palm slapping against his face is audible. ]

Uh. No? Unless you've fleshed out your fake uncle - Fauxncle? I'll work on that - so much that you've become emotionally attached to him and it'd be emotionally damaging to suggest otherwise. But. Then again. You're the one who called him fake so I dunno if that's gonna be an issue.

So no. It doesn't. But seriously, Tim - I can't decide if that makes you more of a genius or just scary. Like scary in the competent sense.

private; voice

[alreadywon]

[Sadly, you can't see the grin he gets at that. (What? Freaking out his friends can be fun sometimes.)] Well, he was fleshed-out enough that even B couldn't prove he wasn't real for several weeks. But it wouldn't count by those standards.

Guess it's just another day for me. [Not that he sounds unhappy about that.]

video »

[trigeminalheadache]

You're never too old to make a card. I would just skip gluing macaroni or Fruit Loops to it.

video »

[backinakidflash]

Like I have any extra macaroni. All macaroni is given immediate marching orders to my belly.

Also. The world is a safer place for my never coming in contact with Froot Loops. You know. Again.

video »

[trigeminalheadache]

You cook it first, right? And before you get offended, I'm just going to point out that it's a valid question.

What happened between you and Froot Loops?

video »

[backinakidflash]

Microwave. Someone ELSE can wait for the water to boil and kindly freeze it for me. I'll get back to you on the eating it raw thing. I've never tried it that way. Is it like chips? I love chips.

Nothing. Absolutely, 100% nothing.

[ Nothing that can be traced back to him, anyway. ]

video »

[trigeminalheadache]

No, definitely not like chips. Don't... don't try it.

[ She's just going to raise an eyebrow at that answer. ]

Now who's protesting too much?

video;

[guruofspeed]

[It takes Max a moment to reply when he sees this- ages for a speedster, really- before he flicks the video on, rubbing the back of his head, smiling. Not quite sheepish.

It's always been his way to prefer anonymity, when he can; Max has run through over a century of changes and people. It's not that often that he gets specific acknowledgement like this. Or waits around to accept it.]

Where to, kid?

[But in this specific case- just for Bart- he will.]

Video;

[backinakidflash]

[ Bart assumes Max is doing something unplugged. He finds nothing suspect about the delay.

That doesn't mean he's been waiting patiently. He's just been waiting. ]

OK. I've got it down to two options, and they both have sarsaparilla which I may or may not be willing to try. There's Calamity Jane's, which is a chain restaurant so the portions'll be good, and there's Chow, which looked like one of those fancy joints pretending to be dives with redwood picnic tables and everything's tiny but they serve it to you on a boulder or an emu. Whatever. That one makes its own sarsaparilla and root beer.

[ See? Bart has brought his A game. He checked out two options already. ]

You can pick.

[ Please oh please pick Calamity Jane's. He doesn't want to starve. ]

Re: Video;

[guruofspeed]

[Bart really did his homework here. It's both a surprise and isn't- mostly it comes from the amount of preparing he went into for this. For him.]

Why not that first one. Sounds like it'll be more comfortable.

[It really does, even ignoring the potential use of rocks or something intended to be novel as plates at the other one.]

Give the sarsaparilla a shot. It's not like you have to finish it if you don't like it.

[backinakidflash]

[ The prepwork was done in the 30 seconds before he made the post. Baby steps. ]

Yes! I like that one better too.

[ Purely because of the portions and actual plates. The seating differences don't really matter to him. ]

You're not gonna give me a lecture about how there are children Botswana who will never taste a sarsaparilla with that much ice in it?

[guruofspeed]

[An improvement is an improvement.

He cocks an eyebrow in response.]

Do you want a lecture?