💣 001 | audio

[devoutish]

[There's the sound of fumbling and a little bit of unintelligible muttering before any real words are spoken - the communicator isn't hard to figure out, but it still takes some practice to get the hang of.]

-- this button here, and then-- oh, there we go. Have I got it? Hello.

[Alfie's voice is deep and rumbly, and very Cockney. He switches on the video next. It's zoomed in too close on him to give any real clues to his surroundings - there's just the back of a couch and a blank wall visible behind him - but his clothes are clearly old-fashioned.]

Fucking fantastic, these things. Looking at your little images on the screen, it's like you're really there. Yeah, wonderful picture quality. I'm very impressed. But I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, should I - bigger and bolder seems like something of a trend here. I discovered one of your supermarkets earlier this morning. Fucking hell, the size of that place. Entire aisles set aside for nothing but ketchup; for ice cream. Hats off to the future, eh?

[And since he's actually wearing a top hat, he goes ahead and tips it.

But despite his conversational tone, his eyes are deadly serious. He narrows them a little, as he peers closer at the screen. He seems calm and affable, sure - but if you look behind that front, it's clear that he is very much not happy with how his day is going.]

Right. How many people am I speaking to, right now? Is it just those who've been brought here like me, or do I also have the pleasure of the army's company?

[Because he would like to have words.]

Comments

[devoutish]

[And since an ammunition aisle is actually relevant to him...]

Which one has the ammunition aisle, Tescos or Walmart?

[acclimatized]

Wallmart. They're pretty massive stores and you'll know it when you see it. Everything's super-sized in this country.

[devoutish]

I suppose your ammunition might be different from what I'm used to. Guns have changed in a hundred years, haven't they?

[acclimatized]

Mmm yeah, probably a fair bit. What sort of gun do you have? A webley?

[devoutish]

Yeah, I do. Nice little gun. Bit of an antique here, I suppose.

[acclimatized]

Yeah, it is. My granddad had one of those when he was in the army. Very slippy trigger, if I'm remembering correctly. God knows where it is now.

[devoutish]

What war did your granddad fight in? Was it the Great War?

[acclimatized]

The Great War was from nineteen-fourteen to nineteen-eighteen right?

[devoutish]

Yeah. How far ahead from that are you?

[acclimatized]

Errm, quite a bit. Just after Christmas in 2014.

[devoutish]

Nineteen twenty-two, for me.

So did your granddad fight in my war or not, mate?

[acclimatized]

And you've gotten the hang on the device this quickly? Wow.

No, he fought in the second one. Nineteen forties.

[devoutish]

[Well, no one saw much of the fumbling and false starts. But that's okay, John; he'll let you be impressed.]

Fucking hell, there's a second one? And only thirty years later. We were supposed to end all that for you, mate.

[acclimatized]

[ give it a week and alfie will soon be texting faster than him. ]

Afraid so. Well, the last big one anyway. Don't worry about it too much; we still remember the sacrifice you guys made for us each year, so... yeah. Thanks for going through all that.

[devoutish]

Yeah. Keep yourselves from starting a third, will you?

[acclimatized]

I don't start them, I just fight in them. Well, used to.

[devoutish]

And what do you do now?

[acclimatized]

I'm a doctor. I work in a little GP practice and help people who come in with coughs, colds, and whatever else they're worried about.

[ it's so boring. ]

My name's John by the way.

[devoutish]

Alfie. Did you open up your own office, or did they give it to you?

[acclimatized]

Nah, I found it myself. I don't think a lot of people stick with what the government wants them to do.

[devoutish]

I'll see about that for myself, if I'm here longer than a week.

[acclimatized]

What do they want you to do?

[devoutish]

I'm to host a radio program about cooking. I've never been on the radio before; I may go once or twice for a laugh.

[acclimatized]

That's... yeah, that's pretty interesting. I might tune in myself.

[devoutish]

Yeah. But after that, if I'm still here, I'm gonna quit. Find something else.

You sell liquor in shops here; I noticed that. Is it legal again?