MASK OR MENACE

IRIS-TED DEVELOPMENT!
As seen on De Chima Citizen, Heropa Daily, general news community, Bwitter:
The De Chima Citizen, a daily newspaper in De Chima, has named imPort journalist and best-selling author Iris West as its new managing editor. She, along with De Chima's Society of Professional Journalists, are also the new co-owners of the De Chima Citizen (DCC) after former owner and editor-in-chief Noah Sanford's well-deserved retirement. Prior to her new role, Iris served as a freelance editor for the Citizen's politics and city section, wrote the best-selling novel Florida Man Rides Again, and headed operations at O'Malley Research Hospital in downtown De Chima.

"It is a huge honor and blessing, and not one I take lightly," Iris said at a recent press conference. "The Citizen has had a rich proud tradition in news for nearly a hundred years, and I'm excited to tackle the challenges that await us."

As such, while the Citizen celebrates its nearly-hundred year tradition of informing the general public about the ongoings in De Chima and the world, Iris plans to maintain the De Chima Citizen's journalistic integrity and quality while taking its digital edition to the next stage.

"This is an exciting time for news, not just for locals but for us imPorts as well, and I can't wait to see what's in store for us."

KIRB YOUR ENTHUSIASM
As seen in some local De Chima newspapers:
Park authorities were rattled and children were recently traumatized by the deaths of exactly half of the ducks at the Kirby Park duck pond, including one of the two pairs of Mandarins and their ducklings. No cause of death was obvious from the state of the bodies, but a local vet is performing necropsies. Officials suspect that the pranksters responsible for the previous duck-napping and return of extra ducks may be involved, and doubled the reward for information leading to their identities.

CONSPIRA-SEA TO SHINING SEA
As seen on COASTER TO COASTER:
On the most recent episode of morning podcast COASTER TO COASTER, as hosted by Paul Davelides, famous imPort Jacob Taylor, leader of Aegis Force, sat for a conversation with Paul himself. Both men had mutual interest in some of each other's work, and this affable session hit some specifically stunning highlights. You might have been lucky enough to catch the following:

DAVE
Great work, what Aegis Force does. We're a big fan here at Coaster to Coaster, Jacob, and after my next VANISHED 411! book hits the market, I'm looking to expand topics. Specifically into imPort organizations. But let me ask you this, given all the salt-of-the-earth work you do, what government resistance has Aegis faced?

JACOB
The government has actually been very cooperative with our team. They fund our HQ, and we have a fully vetted native staff to help us with daily operations. We both recognize our need to co-exist and are working together to make things better for everyone.

DAVE
Wow, well, gotta say! That's unexpected. Moving on... Specifically on the topic of imPorts, who in your esteemed opinion are the most dangerous imPorts?

JACOB
I can't deny there are imPorts who have caused problems, like Armitage Hux and Woden, but Aegis is committed to handling them. And our response to these criminals has been top notch. I won't glorify their crimes or exaggerate the danger by branding anyone 'most dangerous', but I will say Aegis will always shield against danger from any source.

That said, the threat from imPort crime pales compared to the menace the OTO poses to the lives of millions. Aegis has pledged to stop that threat, and we ask people to trust in us to get the job done.

DAVE
The OTO, yeah, we've got some theories on those boys. I know you want to hit more on that topic, but before we cycle back... Does Aegis have a contingency plan in case the government starts cracking down on his people? No need to give any details! Wouldn't want to compromise the plan just in case someone nasty is listening in.

JACOB
A contingency plan would imply we'd be resisting any sanctions the government uses to rein us in. Aegis will always be on the lookout for corruption and abuse of course, but we recognize that we answer to ordinary people and their representatives. So the only 'compromising' that is happening is the compromising both the government and imPorts have willingly made to co-exist, and that's not something we mind having in the public eye.

DAVE
Hm, hm, hm, I'm sure our listeners will be relieved to hear that specifically about corruption. Nothing more corrupted than the marriage between the feds and the paramilitary industrial complex. And for anyone just cluing into that, check out Episode 1098 for the details on THAT! But I don't want to hog the knowledge here, Jacob, I know you wanted to pick my brain too. Let's have at it!

JACOB
What he knows about DARPA knowledge or involvement of the dimensional destabilization?

DAVE
Our "fine friends" at DARPA, they're the inventory line into your OTO "pals". Thirty, thirty-five years ago at least, there was DARPA diddling with the constraints of multidimensional speacetime. You know why we haven't had any Bigfoot sightings for half a century? DARPA screwed up! Created a rift! Sucked up and spat out all their little projects they didn't want us knowing about! Ghosts? You noticed the severe paucity of EVPs? DARPA. Ghosts are just another mess DARPA made and tried to hastily clean up. Opened a rift into the afterlife, they did, and they didn't want us to know. Well guess what! We KNOW!

JACOB
And how do you know?

DAVE
Painstaking research! Following the red thread, my friend, the red thread! You got witnesses, you got testimony, you got people out in Heartland America calling in about supernatural beasts vanishing before their eyes. And then reappearing, all the sudden. We've got a beat on that too, don't you worry, we have seen what DARPA is trying to "fix". Reports of monsters coming back? First Jeopardy, now this! They're playing with plasma, my friend, they. Are. Playing. With plasma! And plasma's gonna fucking HURT. My contacts, they all know ex-DARPA. They know the ones who got away, the ones who lived. Hard life, hard thing faking your death, you get me? You understand, you're a sharp mind.

JACOB
Do you have any names Aegis could look up for further information?

DAVE
Jacob, Jacob! I can't spill my sources, but... You ever take a real hard look at the message boards that host this kind of information? All based outside the US. International governments, they aren't trying to censor the truth as ardently. You know why? 'Course you do, it's because all of this chaos, all the imPorts coming here no offense, all that ties back to DARPA and the government. You're a nuclear warhead, every one of you are. And some egghead scientists in coke bottle glasses, they had no idea what they were doing when they first started pulling in people from other universes. They thought hey, here it is, here's an easy way to get an unmatched army. An easy way to make other nation states kneel, y'know? But ya boys, the OTO, they weren't having it. They understood the risks, that's why they broke away from big papa DARPA.

[A BRIEF PAUSE FOLLOWS.]

JACOB
Do you have a projected time when the effect could become truly apocalyptic? Can anything could be done to stabilize this universe and/or reverse the effect?

DAVE
A twofer! You're a sly one, Jacob, you really are. First: yes, our astrophysicists AND our astrologists calculate Armageddon to come around, oh, later September, early October. Sorry for you Libras out there! Haha! Ha... And for your second question: no. There's no methodology our modern science and present grasp on quantum mechanics can in fact halt or even stall the inevitable. This shit is biblical, man. But that's why we have you imPorts, yeah? You guys come in, you disrupt the fabric of reality. You guys can undo it, yeah? Of course you can.


A NEW POE-D-IUM
As seen on Bwitter:
#PoeD, a fresh hashtag, has been trending on Bwitter for days now. Days! Apparently the origin of the hashtag has its roots in the unfortunate typo of an unrelated meme that politician-turned-actor Driv E. Adams bweeted out, although online scholars are currently debating the "mistaken" nature of said "typo". Speculation aside, the meme has taken a life of its own. From recipe links (#Poe-D-atoes) to athleticism (#NotMyFirst #PoeDeo) to the more obviously unseemly use of the D.

Bwitter seeks a public response from imPort Poe Dameron.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from ENDLESS BREADSTICKS GARDEN GREEN to IT'S NOT THAT DEEP BLUE FAM.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

GLAM VAMPING
As seen on BlueTube:
imPorts! Are you a relic from the past, having trouble trying to fit into this modern world in which you've found yourself? Do you dress as though you're still living in the sixteenth century and need to update your look? Be a contestant on the new BlueTube series, Vamp it Up! hosted by imPort Eccarius, who himself went from looking like an extra in a B-List Dickens Movie to this vision of sartorial splendor! Lucky contestants will have their wardrobe revamped, as well as offered tips and advice on grooming.

TOTAL LUNACY ECLIPSE
As seen on the worldwide news with heavy coverage of this international incident and many scorching hot takes online:
A Swear-In shattered. That's the scene at the International Moon Base after the highly promoted 'Space Slam' event, organized by imPort super-team Aegis Force with government assistance, was attacked by robots of unknown origin. What was intended as a peaceful day of sports, socializing, and charity fundraising turned into a battle for survival, as the base was surrounded by hostile machines emerging from the ground and swarming from all sides.

Amazingly, no one was killed in the chaos, as imPort heroes worked with Moon Base staff to evacuate civilians and repel the onslaught. Dramatic footage of frightened crowds and clashes between superheroes and robots is spreading across the Internet, as those who were there share their stories. Many have praised the work of Aegis Force and other imPorts in saving lives, but not everyone is so warmhearted about this incident. Numerous Bwitter users under the #shieldbreakers hashtag have blamed Aegis for not securing the event, and for making the base a target in the first place by running the Swear-In.

"Big shock, the event held by an armed military force turned violent," said the top-trending thread of Bweets. "Maybe, just maybe, don't act surprised when this happens? And maybe don't let the people with guns throw parties at what's supposed to be a diplomatic science station? It's not as though this is the first time imPorts have turned the Moon Base into a nightmare. How much money got wasted on this fiasco anyway? And where else could it have been spent?"

Aegis has issued a statement thanking everyone who helped create and then defend the Space Slam, while taking responsibility for not detecting the robot threat ahead of time. According to them, the robots were found to have been already buried in pods around the Moon Base, waiting to erupt when signaled. The statement accuses the Otherworld Technologies Organization (OTO) of being behind the violence, noting that the destroyed robots follow the same design pattern as other machines imPorts have faced in the past. "This attack is the latest in a long line of terrorism linked to the OTO," the statement reads. "Aegis calls on the peoples of the world to take action and confront the OTO as the criminals they are. Our team is committed to bringing the perpetrators of this chaos to justice."

According to the statement, Aegis will also participate in the work of repairing and restoring the Science Dome of the International Moon Base, which took particularly heavy damage in the attack.

VAINSPOTTING
As seen mostly on Bwitter:
Have you been keeping up with the newest meme craze? Woden-sighting! Spectators have turned this meme into something of a sport, where they attempt a partial selfie with an unsuspecting Woden in the background frame. It's become something of a daring joke, as many on Bwitter have concluded that Woden is much like a sentient laundry detergent pod.

FOR HE'S A JOLLY BLUE FELLOW
As seen in the skies above Heropa:

Anyone out today beneath the sunny Floridian skies might want to look up! You'll see in pretty white puffs against that cerulean expanse the skywriting of HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAIME! WE LOVE YOU!

Guess someone is a birthday boy! Send him lots of well wishing.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from ECRU to MOONDUST in honor of the imPort-hosted Swear-In this month!

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

OH FOR HUX SAKE
As seen in the official press release circulating throughout the Porter Cities.
PRESS RELEASE FROM AEGIS FORCE: All citizens in the Porter Cities are advised to be on the lookout for the imPort super-criminal, ARMITAGE HUX. Hux is currently wanted for charges including arson, attempted purchase of a biological toxin as a weapon, and assaulting an Aegis agent while resisting arrest. His known powers include the generation of fire from his hands. He is described as a pale ginger-haired man with a loud voice.

Hux was last spotted in Maurtia Falls, and has been working as a freelance business consultant. Anyone encountering him is urged to exercise caution, as he is believed to be extremely dangerous. Take note of the attached file photo and notify the police or contact Aegis Force if you see this man or have any information on his activities that may be helpful to this investigation.

PASS ME THE TAHANI SAUCE
As seen in everything ever:
Have you heard about Tahani Al-Jamil? Of course you have, darling. She is the newest, brightest imPort SUPER NOVA since Tony Stark had his last Elon Muskesque meltdown. Rumor has it that Versace is begging for a modeling contract with her. Have you looked at your local supermarket tabloids recently? She's allegedly had a romantic night with Frederick Chilton, has been proposed to by Danger, and is currently hiding the body of Momo Yaoyorozu, whom she murdered. What a delightful, elegant rascal! Easy to see why Tahani is the toast of Maurtia Falls!

What will she do next?

GOT YOUR NUMBERS CHANNEL
As heard on the AM radio airwaves of Jeopardy in repeat:
"Due to the revealing data of new ears on this channel, we cannot continue to operate under this scrutiny. Wouldn't you agree, Ken Kaneki? Jacob Taylor? Urdr? It is wiser that we stop... On this channel.

May she forgive us all."

I SPYDER WITH MY LITTLE EYE
As seen around Jeopardy:
Little neon, rubber spiders have seemed to infest the city of Jeopardy. Seems like an expensive joke -- all of these spiders have a large, grinning smile carved into what would be their faces. Thousands upon thousands of these bright little, inch-long spiders have been showering the city of Jeopardy since Sunday morning. What a bizarre prank, but it seems harmless enough.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from ELECTRIC SLIDE BLUE to TIFFANY BLUE, since she's been talking shit about Tahani probably.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

CODEBREAKING THE BARRIER
As seen in As seen in local Maurtia Falls police blotter:
EVERY OUTCOME HAS ITS CAUSE, AND EVERY PREDICAMENT HAS ITS SOLUTION.

This message was found in two different buildings through the city. 2011 Townscourt and 211 Parkroad, both had their basements and first floors intentionally flooded, just like it had happened back in May of last year. Townscourt and Parkroad are both private residences and none of the residents were at home during the crimes.

Police currently has no leads but will continue to investigate.

TOYING WITH OUR HEARTS
As seen During the slow news cycle that is the holidays, this was likely picked up by several newspapers looking to fill columns, but it was all over Bwitter, BlueTube and other click-baity sites:
With the holidays behind us, civilians and fans of the imPort community find themselves in the grip of a new struggle. Over the holiday season, photos depicting imPort peacekeeper and fandom darling Lucina have surfaced depicting her caught up in some holiday magic with Blacksmith Bachelor Darin Altway. After a riot broke out, in which the brazen blue-haired blacksmith was caught accidentally destroying the last must-have holiday toy at a De Chima shopping center, some fans were lucky to spy the two huddling behind a map of the mall. Dozens of photos have circulated around Bwitter and keen-eyed internet sleuths have engaged in bitter wars over the authenticity of the photos. The biggest debate seems to circulate around some dark pixels above the pair, which some have speculated to be mistletoe. Ardent fans of Lucina, who have rallied under the banner of the "Lucina Legion of Love" refuse to accept the photos as truth, citing such arguments as 'she's too pure to get involved with that idiot' and 'she would never betray us this way!' Another faction, going by the name of "Blue Believers" have risen against the Legion, proclaiming their support for the couple. Amazingly, a third faction has risen up in all of this tumult. Refusing a moniker, they simply ask "Why should we care? Leave these people alone." The resulting fallout has led to a mass banning of Bwitter accounts that have violated the company's Terms of Service citing instances of harassment. For the time being, it seems most discourse, along with analysis videos of the photos, have begun appearing on, ironically, BlueTube.

NOT THE INTERWEBS
As heard on the AM radio airwaves of Jeopardy:

"Welcome to Foxtrot Uniform Xray station.

Please enjoy your stay.

20;8;5;0;23;5;2; ;20;8;5;0;23;5;2; ;9;20;0;8;21;7;19;0;21;19;0;1;12;12; ;20;8;5;0;23;5;2; ;19;8;5;0;19;1;9;4; ;8;5;18;5;0;3;15;13;5;19;0;25;15;21;18;0;6;1;12;12;0!"

DROPPING A DOOKU ON THE FRONT PORCH
As seen around Maurtia Falls:
The image of the late and great Count Dooku has been reappearing around the city of Maurtia Falls. Often in quick stencil-and-spray-paint fashion, ala Banksy, with succinct slogans like I'VE WARNED YOU, I'VE WARNED YOU ALL and YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO MY PODCAST DID YOU? and COUNTING DOWN TO WHEN THE GOVT SEIZES YOUR MEANS OF PRODUCTION AND ENSLAVES YOU.

It is unclear what this graffiti means.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from JUNIPER LATTE TO THE PARTY to ELECTRIC SLIDE BLUE. Boogie woogie woogie.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.