THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 10TH, 2019

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 10TH, 2019New imPorts are once again arriving into this world, as sure as spring comes after winter. Jeopardy has taken up housing some of these fresh faced individuals, even after the imPort Housing Redistribution. Gotta keep those budget cuts in mind!

CODEBREAKING THE BARRIER
As seen in As seen in local Maurtia Falls police blotter:
EVERY OUTCOME HAS ITS CAUSE, AND EVERY PREDICAMENT HAS ITS SOLUTION.

This message was found in two different buildings through the city. 2011 Townscourt and 211 Parkroad, both had their basements and first floors intentionally flooded, just like it had happened back in May of last year. Townscourt and Parkroad are both private residences and none of the residents were at home during the crimes.

Police currently has no leads but will continue to investigate.

TOYING WITH OUR HEARTS
As seen During the slow news cycle that is the holidays, this was likely picked up by several newspapers looking to fill columns, but it was all over Bwitter, BlueTube and other click-baity sites:
With the holidays behind us, civilians and fans of the imPort community find themselves in the grip of a new struggle. Over the holiday season, photos depicting imPort peacekeeper and fandom darling Lucina have surfaced depicting her caught up in some holiday magic with Blacksmith Bachelor Darin Altway. After a riot broke out, in which the brazen blue-haired blacksmith was caught accidentally destroying the last must-have holiday toy at a De Chima shopping center, some fans were lucky to spy the two huddling behind a map of the mall. Dozens of photos have circulated around Bwitter and keen-eyed internet sleuths have engaged in bitter wars over the authenticity of the photos. The biggest debate seems to circulate around some dark pixels above the pair, which some have speculated to be mistletoe. Ardent fans of Lucina, who have rallied under the banner of the "Lucina Legion of Love" refuse to accept the photos as truth, citing such arguments as 'she's too pure to get involved with that idiot' and 'she would never betray us this way!' Another faction, going by the name of "Blue Believers" have risen against the Legion, proclaiming their support for the couple. Amazingly, a third faction has risen up in all of this tumult. Refusing a moniker, they simply ask "Why should we care? Leave these people alone." The resulting fallout has led to a mass banning of Bwitter accounts that have violated the company's Terms of Service citing instances of harassment. For the time being, it seems most discourse, along with analysis videos of the photos, have begun appearing on, ironically, BlueTube.

NOT THE INTERWEBS
As heard on the AM radio airwaves of Jeopardy:

"Welcome to Foxtrot Uniform Xray station.

Please enjoy your stay.

20;8;5;0;23;5;2; ;20;8;5;0;23;5;2; ;9;20;0;8;21;7;19;0;21;19;0;1;12;12; ;20;8;5;0;23;5;2; ;19;8;5;0;19;1;9;4; ;8;5;18;5;0;3;15;13;5;19;0;25;15;21;18;0;6;1;12;12;0!"

DROPPING A DOOKU ON THE FRONT PORCH
As seen around Maurtia Falls:
The image of the late and great Count Dooku has been reappearing around the city of Maurtia Falls. Often in quick stencil-and-spray-paint fashion, ala Banksy, with succinct slogans like I'VE WARNED YOU, I'VE WARNED YOU ALL and YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO MY PODCAST DID YOU? and COUNTING DOWN TO WHEN THE GOVT SEIZES YOUR MEANS OF PRODUCTION AND ENSLAVES YOU.

It is unclear what this graffiti means.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from JUNIPER LATTE TO THE PARTY to ELECTRIC SLIDE BLUE. Boogie woogie woogie.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

[sleight_of_hand]

Oh yay. Another code to decrypt. Always love seeing those.

Also, what Count Dookie fan is still around and just. Why?

[generalgrievous]

Who would do such a thing? Could he be still in our existence?

[fauxmarth]

[





















ah.










right then. time to pray for death.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

LUCINA!!!

Voice, @ all this

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

[Just.

Clearing his throat at all this nonsense.]

1/2

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[Well, time to see what's making the round in the news]



































[Wait.]

2/2

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[/SPITTAKE]

voice

[h2no]

Can there be one cult that isn't about the end of the world? This is comin' from someone who led one. It's old! Be the change! Spin a web of charitable donations, you assholes!

[...]

And they're sticky.

[dragony]

Isn't that part of the job description? I don't think it can be a cult, if it's not about the destruction of life, somehow.

voice

[sleight_of_hand]

...did you seriously just make that pun?

[kanyounot]

It'd make my life a lot easier, that's for sure.

text; anonymous

[applewatcher]

We're happy to report that the Dark Brotherhood has no designs on the end of the world. It would in fact be quite detrimental to our worship.

voice

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Technically they didn't say anything about ending the world. Just about our fall- which could just mean us imPorts.

text;

[ghoulking]

The web the web it hugs us all
The web she said here comes your fall!
(Repeat)

[ thanks he hates it ]

text;

[faithfulson]

That's. Memorable.

[ Why does he get the feeling this is something he needs to talk to Jadus about again? ]

Re: text;

[bindsthedead]

Well, that's ominous. How much does anyone know about that church in Jeopardy?

Re: text;

[janus_scholar]

My interest in going to Jeopardy has just dropped significantly.

text

[queenofseers]

It's fucking great how they think this actually communicates anything at all.

text;

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Thanks for the decrypt Kaneki.

I've got no idea why they put the effort into sending these things when there's no real information in it. All we know is that something is up with Jeopardy, and that's not a big surprise.

text;

[a_good]

Isn't it a little contradictory?

[plentystrong]

So do people here regularly tear each other apart over gossip?

[slightlyoffchilt]

A succinct way to put it.

text;

[crassidy]

9;0;19;8;15;20;0;13;25;0;23;5;2;0;5;1;18;12;9;5;18;0;20;8;9;19;0;13;15;18;14;9;14;7

[text| id: nox]

[iliveidie]

What was the purpose of this announcement?

u/n=Oracle

[codeoracle]

You'd think they could at least make the code interesting to crack...

Raises a lot more questions about just what is going on in Jeopardy, though.

video;

[facilitainted]

Basement flooders with cryptic messages? Love it. Keep up the good work, guys!

[slightlyoffchilt]

Would that be considered a "dank meme"? Because of the basement. And the flooding.

audio;

[redcosmedic]

How adorable, baby's first cipher.