maskormenace | first clover → video;

[ hinami's only been back for a day or two, and already her head is swarming.

her nature as a Ghoul had been outed by Kane-- Sasaki upon her being ported out, and that's...that's something she feels she's needs to address. to talk about in her own words and may explain a little.

there's been low-lying panic since Sasaki had told her.

of course there was, because she'd spent the last fourteen (fifteen? she'd had a birthday before she left, but she came back from the same period of time...) years knowing that humans knowing what she was was a death sentence.

addressing it herself isn't so much damage control as...catharsis, maybe. ]

Onii-chan...You might know him as Sasaki...he told me that after I left he revealed to everyone that I'm a Ghoul. We...weren't trying to lie about it. Just not mention it, I guess. To be careful. I don't want anyone who knew me...I don't want anyone to feel like I lied, or was trying to trick them.

It's true that humans are the only thing we can eat, but...I've only ever eaten humans who have died. [ not 100% true, but she's not going out Ken or herself for the entire shoulder-eating debacle. ] I don't want to hurt anyone.

At home...In our world...the worst thing you can be is a Ghoul. If you're found out, even if you've never done anything to hurt anyone, even if you're a kid or just trying to live peacefully...you'll be killed. That's why Mom was killed...and Dad too. [ she can't help but choke up a little. even months later, the loss of her parents is painful. ] So not telling anyone was safer, even though no one seemed to care.

I wondered for a while if...if it was really okay for me to be alive, as a Ghoul. If it'd just be better to let the Ghoul Investigators find me, and be with Mom and Dad again.

But I like it here. I can go to school, and have human friends. I can go outside everyday and not have to stay inside and hide.

[ she's rambling, Hinami knows she's rambling, but it's like a weight off her chest and it's hard to stop. ]

When Mom died...she told me to live. So that's...that's what I'm doing. And I'll do that here for as long as I can.

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It's alright, nobody will hurt you for this, Hinami-chan.

[ or Sasaki will stop being a nice guy, let Kaneki take over, hell on earth shall follow ]

I know. I just...it feels a little better, less scary finally being able to say it.

yeah. I think it felt like that with me, too.

People are strangely accepting, here.

I hope they take it as well as Ken-chan did. Though...I understand if they don't.

[ he hums ]

Well, you will have me. And him. And I'm sure a lot other people; the whole world doesn't need to accept us, just the ones who matter.

I just don't want to lose any of my friends from before...or not make more. Everyone is so nice here, and...I don't want that to be ruined.

it won't, Hinami-chan. They care for you. People like Ken-kun.

[ he watches this post several times, each time worse than the last, while something inside him twists tighter and tighter. someone from sasaki's past, arima's future-- and for all he knows, he'd been the one to kill her parents.

it's funny, isn't it? his options are always limited, no matter where he is. but.. fifteen years. he can endure another fifteen years, and he can endure this place, and he can even endure the ugly self-loathing he'll feel every time he sees or hears her. ]

It's how the world works, I guess.
I don't know if Sasaki-san's mentioned me, but you don't have to be afraid of me, at least.

[ Hinami almost asks who he is, initially confused. Wouldn't Sasaki have told her if there were more investigators here?

And then she sees his name and it's like everything inside of her freezes.

It's not one she knows well, or knows personally. But it's certainly one she heard whispers of. What Ghoul hadn't?

Arima, the Death God of the CCG. ]

he didnt mention you

He probably didn't want to upset you. [ or perhaps he'd forgotten at the time, or he was trying to find a way to break it to her, or-- well. there are any number of possibilities. arima and this girl are from two very different parts of his life, after all. ] I'm not required to be an investigator here.

youre not required to but are you going to be

[ if she was in danger, Sasaki would have told her. she knows that. she knows that.

but it doesn't quell the uneasiness in her. ]

There's no one to order me to be. [ which is what it amounts to in the end for him.

he starts to hit send, then pauses. he's been.. sort of open about it until now. he at least hasn't bothered to hide it. should he say something? he's not sure that it really matters, but.. ] I'm a half-ghoul. If you're close to Sasaki-san, then I suppose you should know that much.

[ what ]

I had no idea.

[ with the panic fading, at least she's writing properly again. ]

You eat people?

Not-- not anyone alive or anything. I can't...I'm not able to eat anything else.

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