video!

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

[ Squirrel Girl is giving the camera a friendly, buck-toothed grin and a little wave. There's some kind of muffled commotion coming from behind her, but whatever it is isn't visible in the frame yet. She's in a park, though, that much is obvious. ]

Hi! I'm Squirrel Girl, nice to meet everybody. I have a question for y'all! I ran into a bit of trouble, here: some fire-breathing dingus kinda jumped me in the middle of the park and wouldn't back off, so after a brief (if slightly physical) discussion about anger management skills and not being a total jerk, I'm... well, long story short, does anybody know where I can find the nearest police station in--

[ The commotion intensifies, and SG frowns, glancing over to one side. One of those newbie native supervillains is just visible in the corner of the screen, buried underneath a pile of squirrels. He's trying in vain to shake them off, but it isn't going very well. ]

I'm kind of in the middle of something, dude, can you keep it down? Trying to find out where I can dump your butt.

[ 'Heartburn'! the guy says from underneath the squirrel-pile. 'My name is Heartburn, and I'll make you regret the day you--!'

Heartburn is interrupted by three squirrels piling onto his head, effectively pressing his jaw shut. ]

Ok, first off, I'd rethink naming yourself after indigestion symptoms, and... wait, wait, ohmygosh.

Would you call that... a sick burn?

Comments

[Video]

[sleight_of_hand]

[ ...there was so much ridiculous about this situation, starting from the fact this spacey chick was named Squirrel Girl and ending with that ridiculous pun. Adachi was in the middle of an eye roll and a groan when he tapped to respond, wondering why he was even bothering. Maybe he was just that bored. ]

Depends on what town you're in, Squirrelly.

[ Yeah, he really gave up caring at this point. ]

video

[monge]

[...No, this is totally normal as far as he's concerned.]

Have you tried asking the police, zura?

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

I was getting to that, before Mr. Indigestion over there interrupted. I'm in Heropa. Any ideas?

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

[ oh my gosh TINY ADORABLE DOG PERSON ]

I actually haven't seen any yet! This all happened kind of suddenly, and I figured asking over the network was more efficient than just carrying him around until I found some policemen, y'know?

[monge]

O-Oh...I guess I didn't think of that... Too bad he's not smaller, zura...

[You know, like a baby. It's then that Komasan proceeds to wonder if any babies did end up getting superpowers.]

I don't know the cities very well, so I dunno if I can help, but you might be able to look it up on your phone, zura!

[...He means the comm.]

video

[musclemothers]

Squirrel Girl. [It is slowly and carefully enunciated, disbelief in every syllable.]

What's the schtick with you, then? Talks to squirrels? Born with ear deformities? A bunch of minions with furry little tails? A lifespan of five-to-ten years?

[video]

[timecapture]

[Squirrels holding down a newbie supervillain? BEST. DAY. EVER.]

I might be able to help with that! Which city are you in?

[sleight_of_hand]

Oh yeah, I used to work at that station.

[ He gave the best instructions he could; he'd been around for about a year now, so he knew where he was going. Just... hopefully Squirrelly wasn't as nutty as she seemed to be. ]

You got that?

video;

[pyrogue]

[ Laughing, to be honest. Once he stops he can't help but comment on the squirrels. ]

You weren't worried about your, uh, friends getting caught on fire?

video;

[primadovea]

[ Mint just peers at the camera with a little bit of confusion. Well...she's got ears. And a tail. But the rest of the outfit doesn't look quite that magical girl. So she's not a Mew Mew? But then again she does have ears and a tail so maybe a Mew Mew?

Who knows, Mint surely doesn't. ]

Is that a real tail?

video

[huntergames]

[ Sasha has no words for what she's witnessing. That's more squirrels in one area she's ever seen in her lifetime.

Her jaw drops instead, gazing back at Doreen. ]

S-squirrels...

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

[ she gives him a big ol' thumbs up! ]

Got it. Thanks, man! Are you a policeman?

[sleight_of_hand]

[ ...welp. Hopefully she wouldn't get lost; he was pretty sure the wannabe super villain wouldn't make it if she did. ]

I was. I'm a private detective now.

[ Well, at least trying to be. ]

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

[ she starts counting things off on her fingers. ]

Talks to squirrels, born with a rad tail, has a bunch of friends with furry little tails (although I'm really just getting acquainted with these guys here, I like to think we'll be friends soon), and the lifespan of your average human female.

It's more of a way of life than a schtick, dude.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Oh! Dude, of course, I should have guessed these things would have some kind of mapping function.

... And I am totally into the idea of portable bad guys, but if they're that small, they're way harder to catch.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

[ SG is just gonna assume that Mick appreciates her awesome punning skills, and isn't cracking up at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation! ]

Nah man, squirrels are way faster than dudes, and he wasn't expecting them. These guys had it under control, didn't you?

[ One of the squirrels detaches itself from the pile and skitters up SG's shoulder to give her a tiny high-five. ]

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Squirrels!

[ HAVE A BIG GRIN AND TWO THUMBS UP, SASHA ]

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

I'm in Heropa, thanks!

... Wait, I should probably check, I assume law enforcement generally works the same way over here? Police, community service and workshops, possible jail time?

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Sure is!

[ she twitches it a few times to demonstrate. ]

Sadly, the ears are just for decoration.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Aw, nice. Do you have the dimly lit office? Trenchcoat and fedora? No-good dames what done you wrong?

[sleight_of_hand]

Wha-- uh... no.

[ That wasn't how real detectives worked, no matter how much he wished otherwise. ]

[primadovea]

So you have a tail, but not ears. That's...odd.

[huntergames]

H-how did you get them to do that? All of them?!

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Well, I mean, it's probably for the best. They'd be mega-cute, don't get me wrong, but if I had squirrel ears up top, I'd just have blank expanses of skin where my human ears were supposed to be, and that'd be pretty strange looking.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

I said 'hey guys, there's a fire-breathing dude over here trying to smoke me, I could use a little help if you wouldn't mind' in Squirrelese, and they were nice enough to oblige!