video!

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

[ Squirrel Girl is giving the camera a friendly, buck-toothed grin and a little wave. There's some kind of muffled commotion coming from behind her, but whatever it is isn't visible in the frame yet. She's in a park, though, that much is obvious. ]

Hi! I'm Squirrel Girl, nice to meet everybody. I have a question for y'all! I ran into a bit of trouble, here: some fire-breathing dingus kinda jumped me in the middle of the park and wouldn't back off, so after a brief (if slightly physical) discussion about anger management skills and not being a total jerk, I'm... well, long story short, does anybody know where I can find the nearest police station in--

[ The commotion intensifies, and SG frowns, glancing over to one side. One of those newbie native supervillains is just visible in the corner of the screen, buried underneath a pile of squirrels. He's trying in vain to shake them off, but it isn't going very well. ]

I'm kind of in the middle of something, dude, can you keep it down? Trying to find out where I can dump your butt.

[ 'Heartburn'! the guy says from underneath the squirrel-pile. 'My name is Heartburn, and I'll make you regret the day you--!'

Heartburn is interrupted by three squirrels piling onto his head, effectively pressing his jaw shut. ]

Ok, first off, I'd rethink naming yourself after indigestion symptoms, and... wait, wait, ohmygosh.

Would you call that... a sick burn?

Comments

[Video]

[sleight_of_hand]

[ ...there was so much ridiculous about this situation, starting from the fact this spacey chick was named Squirrel Girl and ending with that ridiculous pun. Adachi was in the middle of an eye roll and a groan when he tapped to respond, wondering why he was even bothering. Maybe he was just that bored. ]

Depends on what town you're in, Squirrelly.

[ Yeah, he really gave up caring at this point. ]

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

I was getting to that, before Mr. Indigestion over there interrupted. I'm in Heropa. Any ideas?

[sleight_of_hand]

Oh yeah, I used to work at that station.

[ He gave the best instructions he could; he'd been around for about a year now, so he knew where he was going. Just... hopefully Squirrelly wasn't as nutty as she seemed to be. ]

You got that?

video

[monge]

[...No, this is totally normal as far as he's concerned.]

Have you tried asking the police, zura?

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

[ oh my gosh TINY ADORABLE DOG PERSON ]

I actually haven't seen any yet! This all happened kind of suddenly, and I figured asking over the network was more efficient than just carrying him around until I found some policemen, y'know?

[monge]

O-Oh...I guess I didn't think of that... Too bad he's not smaller, zura...

[You know, like a baby. It's then that Komasan proceeds to wonder if any babies did end up getting superpowers.]

I don't know the cities very well, so I dunno if I can help, but you might be able to look it up on your phone, zura!

[...He means the comm.]

video

[musclemothers]

Squirrel Girl. [It is slowly and carefully enunciated, disbelief in every syllable.]

What's the schtick with you, then? Talks to squirrels? Born with ear deformities? A bunch of minions with furry little tails? A lifespan of five-to-ten years?

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

[ she starts counting things off on her fingers. ]

Talks to squirrels, born with a rad tail, has a bunch of friends with furry little tails (although I'm really just getting acquainted with these guys here, I like to think we'll be friends soon), and the lifespan of your average human female.

It's more of a way of life than a schtick, dude.

[musclemothers]

It always is with you people, isn't it. [It's said dourly, as if being able to do all of those things isn't completely awesome.]

So what, was your mother bitten by a radioactive squirrel?

[video]

[timecapture]

[Squirrels holding down a newbie supervillain? BEST. DAY. EVER.]

I might be able to help with that! Which city are you in?

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

I'm in Heropa, thanks!

... Wait, I should probably check, I assume law enforcement generally works the same way over here? Police, community service and workshops, possible jail time?

video;

[pyrogue]

[ Laughing, to be honest. Once he stops he can't help but comment on the squirrels. ]

You weren't worried about your, uh, friends getting caught on fire?

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

[ SG is just gonna assume that Mick appreciates her awesome punning skills, and isn't cracking up at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation! ]

Nah man, squirrels are way faster than dudes, and he wasn't expecting them. These guys had it under control, didn't you?

[ One of the squirrels detaches itself from the pile and skitters up SG's shoulder to give her a tiny high-five. ]

video;

[primadovea]

[ Mint just peers at the camera with a little bit of confusion. Well...she's got ears. And a tail. But the rest of the outfit doesn't look quite that magical girl. So she's not a Mew Mew? But then again she does have ears and a tail so maybe a Mew Mew?

Who knows, Mint surely doesn't. ]

Is that a real tail?

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Sure is!

[ she twitches it a few times to demonstrate. ]

Sadly, the ears are just for decoration.

video

[huntergames]

[ Sasha has no words for what she's witnessing. That's more squirrels in one area she's ever seen in her lifetime.

Her jaw drops instead, gazing back at Doreen. ]

S-squirrels...

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Squirrels!

[ HAVE A BIG GRIN AND TWO THUMBS UP, SASHA ]

[video]

[admemoriam]

[Noah looks quietly enamored, and completely misses the point of this broadcast.]

Are all of those your squirrels?

Re: [video]

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Nah, they're their squirrels.

[voice]

[goblinjr]

[Well, Harry's trying really hard not to laugh, but honestly... this is probably the best and craziest thing he's seen since he got here. There's a muffled snort and some giggling before Harry finally reels his laughter in with a cleared throat.

Doesn't stop the amusement from bleeding into his tone, though.]

Not sure someone named Squirrel Girl ought'a be sassing a guy about his choice of name. Just sayin'.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Hey, hey, my name is thematically on point! You hear 'Squirrel Girl' and you think 'oh, she can talk to squirrels and has a big ol' tail and everything, cool beans'. You hear 'Heartburn', and you think 'acid reflux'.

video;

[valuemeal]

[ .. there's so many weird things about this situation, he doesn't even know where to start. But he does realise the pressing problem here, at least.. ]

That guy seriously just started attacking you out of the blue? [ Because, you know, that's a good cause for worry. Squirrels or no squirrels. ]

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

... Kinda? He was going on about "blah blah imports suck raaagh I have fire powers now look at me", and didn't really seem up for a conversation.

Text

[liverletdie]

Haven't lost your touch, have you?

text!

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

omG TONY MY DUDE!! I didn't know you were here!

Also I'm assuming you mean my rad pun skills because those are ON POINT TODAY