maskormenace | first ( audio )

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[ Consider him curious. Maybe he shouldn't be and maybe he shouldn't even bother. But, sometimes at night—and after a martini or several, shh—certain questions and thoughts rise to the forefront of his mind no matter how much he may wish for them not to.

And, well, since he has some form of an audience here, Magnus figures: why not??

It's just audio for now, his tone is fairly even with just a small touch of amusement. Because if he can't poke fun at certain things, what's the point. Right? Right. ]

There's always quite a lot of discussion over what to do with time. Complaints about wishing to have more or wishing it would pass faster. So, I'm curious. What would you do if you had an infinite amount of time?

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[ Whether it's the right thing to do or not, Magnus smiles. It's a small thing, though tender through it all. He doesn't want Alec to think he's disappointed by this—and he's not, there's just a plethora of questions he has over the whole thing. None of which he knows Alec can answer. ]

It seems a bit selfish for me to be happy for such a thing when I know what it brings. But even I can be just a little selfish.

[ Or a lot. Whatever. Who's counting? ]

Should this turn out to be true, it's not something you have to simply deal with. Not on your own. You couldn't possibly have a better guide!

[ Just a little tease to help lighten the atmosphere. The look on his face softens and even he doesn't realize it. ]

Having more time with you isn't something I'd turn away from.

[ Alec isn't quite tactless enough to ask if he's talking about loss. He doesn't want to lose the people he loves. He doesn't want to stay ageless and young while everyone he knows ages and dies. But he's a Shadowhunter. Death is part of a Shadowhunter's life. When the time comes, he will bear it. That's all there is to do.

He isn't a romantic idiot. He doesn't think one look can lead to forever. In this case, literally. Magnus hasn't exactly made a secret of the number of people he's beem with and Alec isn't fool enough to think he has something Michaelangelo and Isaac Newton and whoever else Magnus knew didn't.

But if they stay friends through the centuries, well, that's something. ]

There are benefits, aren't there? Getting to see the world. Watching how it changes. Having time to learn everything you want to learn. And it isn't like there aren't other immortals.

[ He tilts his head in a weighing gesture. ]

Might not be so bad. [ He smiles a faint there and gone smile. ] At least I'm not alone.

[ That's part of being immortal. One remains the same while others around them continue to age and die. It's horrible—especially at first. Losing someone loved, someone cared for is never easy. And maybe Magnus is doing it all wrong by still allowing himself to hold people close enough that it hurts when they leave. But, that's a human part of him and he doesn't want to lose that.

When the time comes, he's going to go through it all over again with Alec. But, he won't regret any of it. Over the years Magnus may have bedded a few outstanding names, but he knows when he's sunk. Those times have been very few and each time his heart broke. Since the last one hundreds of years ago, he's closed himself off. Alec has changed that. He can think that one look can lead to forever, but Magnus knows that it can. Magnus felt it when he saw Alec. Still feels it. Because he is a romantic fool, no matter how he pretends he's not.

And if this turns out to be true, that Alec was given immortality, then Magnus will happily give himself over to this and see where it goes. Not that he wants to jump ahead of himself of come on too strongly and too seriously and scare Alec away. But, there's no point in lying about anything, either. He's in this for as long as they can have. ]

Oh yes, there are many benefits! It's not all dreary, I assure you. There's an amazing world out there just waiting to be experienced. [ Well, he might as well continue to be transparent and prove himself the romantic sap he can be; ] And you'll never have to be alone. [ . . . ] Unless you want that, of course.

I don't. [ It leaves his mouth immediately, firm and decisive, completely bypassing permission from his brain. Which just makes him sound desperate and weak. He huffs once, exhaling hard through his nose. ] Want to be alone, I mean.

[ Clarifying it in a more conversational tone doesn't help. And it doesn't convey what he means, he thinks. Now it sounds like he's desperate and anyone will do. He isn't and anyone won't. ]

I'd prefer to be with you.

[ No, that isn't better either. By the angel, he's terrible at this. He rubs at his neck with his free hand, feeling like an idiot. ]

You know what I mean.

[ At least he's not stuttering and dropping things anymore. ]

[ Maybe one day Alec will realize that he doesn't sound desperate or weak. Not in this. And it's not really a terrible thing to show weakness in front of someone else. Magnus can only hope he can coax him away from thoughts like that by encouraging him to speak his mind and be open about what he wants.

Which is why he only smiles now and not laughs. This is difficult for Alec and he understands. ]

I do know what you mean. I'd much rather be with you, too. But, I don't think that's much of a secret.

[ Because it's really not and he gives a little wink. ]

Shall we start on that soon?

[ Not a secret, perhaps, but still something akin to a mystery. Why he wants to be with Alec, Alec doesn't understand. Maybe never will. Magnus could probably have anyone he wants. He probably has had everyone he wants.

Ah well. Thinking about it isn't doing Alec any favors. He smiles a little, one of those half-smiles that suggest that he wants something and isn't sure if he should. ]

Yeah. I'd like that.

[ The heart wants what the heart wants. That's really the only explanation. And it's been a time since Magnus' heart spoke up and wanted anyone or anything. Or, at least, loud enough so he could hear it. Not that he'd ever imagine a repressed Shadowhunter would be the key to his emotional undoing, but here he is. Living life with no regrets. ]

Friday? Dinner and drinks?

[ There's plenty of places to go here. He's thankful for that, at least. ]

You'll have to deal with mundanes but I can promise no pumpkins.

[ Mundanes mean they're having this dinner and drinks at a restaurant. Which is nice. And officially a date. So as much as he doesn't want to be around mundanes, Alec can't say no. ]

You sure you don't want to wear glamours?

[ There's a noticeable dryness to his voice that gives away the fact that he's joking. Just barely. Then more normally; ]

I'd like that.

[ He does his best to sound haughty; it's not that difficult, actually. But there's a fondness in his tone that can't be masked. ]

Absolutely. I'll not be wandering around looking as if I'm talking to myself simply because you don't like mundanes.

You could use a glamour too.

[ What's the point of magic if it can't be used to avoid mundanes? ]

[ Ummmmmmm....... eventually Magnus will teach Alec that... ]

I could, but I like being seen.

[ U N S U R E ]

I've noticed. [ A sigh. ] No glamours. I got it.

[ It'll be okay. Really. ]

I should hope so. [ Not that he was trying to be seen by Alec or anything... ] It'll be fun!

And, next time you can choose if you want a glamour or not.

I'll take your word for it.

[ He doesn't even hesitate. ]

Glamour next time.

Next time.

[ But, just the way he says it likely means that............. it's not going to happen. Sorry but not really. ]

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