text

[driftsintobuffetline]

[ The following content is blocked from A CERTAIN NERD ]


So. It's winter, which means it's the holiday season where you circulate those online shopping "buy me these things" lists, spend too long in retail shopping lines--and realize you honestly don't know what to buy people who you know REALLY well.

I don't say this often, and you probably won't hear it again, but HALP PLS.

Shopping for: Male. Mid-Thirties. NERD. Likes space and math and robots. Dresses like an academic dork (stuffy librarian). Significant enough other that a spending limit does not exist by default. Nor is a gift objectionable due to being "too personal" or "too significant." Does not need a new watch, nor a new winter jacket. Rarely wears ties. Does not wear jewelry.


Alright, and just because: What's the BEST gift you've received?

Comments

[driftsintobuffetline]

[WHAT. THIS IS NEWT'S NORMAL VOLUME

if you weren't a precious cinnamon roll, he'd make an inappropriate joke here but.]

oh
really
would never have guessed
I think you better step me through this, Komasan. I need more guidance.

[monge]

[Oh...now his credibility is on the line here. Guidance...he's never been asked for guidance before...

Um...

UM...]

I guess you can serve more people if you really want to!
invite your friends

[driftsintobuffetline]

[Newt ALMOST feels bad. Ok, he does a little.]

Oh, this is good. I'm taking notes.
Dinner, friends, serve him...

What should I make for dessert? You seem to be an expert on desserts. (What's your favorite dessert?)

[monge]

[The text is simple, but is sent at an alarming speed.]

soft cream

[driftsintobuffetline]

[Wherever Newt happens to be sitting, reading and replying to these, he suddenly half-laughs, half-chokes on his tea, doing something of a spit-take at that and he feels SO BAD because Komasan didn't mean THAT, didn't mean anything of the sort, but "him" for what to serve had kind of started Newt down this dark path and now his mind went to the gutter and he's dying. send help, he can't stop laughing. he's so sorry.

much gasping of breath later, he sends out the reply of]

whatflaovr

[monge]

VANILLA!!
its the white one
the classic flavor!!!1

[driftsintobuffetline]

[DIES.

Okay, he pulls himself together enough to ask a serious, important question.]

Where is the BEST place to get soft cream, if you don't make it at home?

[monge]

you shouldnt judge people by their soft cream
all soft cream tastes good!!
just go out and pick your favourite

[driftsintobuffetline]

I've had some soft cream I've regretted, just saying, and I think I've already tried enough to know what one I'm sticking with. the owner of that shop would pretty much kick my ass if I tried to shop around any more.

T_T

you're making this really REALLY awkward, dude. I was just asking to find out where to buy you a giftcard BUT HEY, IF YOU DON'T WANT ONE

[monge]

what?

[What?]

i thought we were talking about your friend!!!
i dont need cards
but thank you

[driftsintobuffetline]

I was talking about my friend. Until I wasn't.
Don't worry about it.

Alright, if you don't want it. I won't push it on you.

[monge]

oh i see...

[No he doesn't. Texting can be so confusing sometimes.]

its a very nice offer!!!
but im not sure what I would do with a card
i dont have a deck to put it in

[driftsintobuffetline]

The card is...kind of a currency.

Do you still live with Doc? Do you like Doc? ...Who do you hang out with? I could give them the card and they could buy for both of you.

[monge]

ah no i moved into my friends house awhile ago
but i still really like doc a lot
I hang out with a lot of people are you sure

[driftsintobuffetline]

Doc is pretty awesome, huh.

well not ALL of them
Just one or two. you know. a special friend outing.
maybe you and the BFF

[monge]

yeah he is great!!
He's like a son to me

im sorry but your last sentence messed up
what is a bff??
Was that supposed to be something else?

[driftsintobuffetline]

Like. A. Son.
Right. Does he know how you feel, Komasan?

B.F.F. stands for Best Friend Forever

[monge]

[Best friend? Forever? As in...a friend better than all the rest? FOREVER? Is...is that even possible, how does one even choose? Wouldn't that hurt everyone else's feelings? Komasan's never heard of such a term, he's not sure he ever wanted to.]

i
dont know

[driftsintobuffetline]

oh
no, that's ok.
I didn't have one until I was like 36 anyway
some people never have them and it's cool
you have enough friends, dude, you don't need a Best

[monge]

[How can he just say that? Don't need a best? If 36 is what we're going by here, then Komasan is already too far behind. This sounds like an essential human experience, he's not giving up so easily.]

nO
i WILL FIND MY BEST FRIEND
just
wait for me to get back to you!!!

[driftsintobuffetline]

Ok...

Don't force it, though.
Don't name someone as your Best Friend unless they really are
Just not worth it