maskormenace | 💣 003

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💣 003 | audio

Yeah. This Christmas thing. It's just fucking over the top, innit? You do know we're barely into December? You need to calm down, all of you.

[Alfie's tone is chiding, but in a light and teasing way that isn't really meant to be taken as a serious condemnation - he's actually been in an okay mood these past couple of weeks. This is just one more car on the culture shock train. The Christmas celebrations and decorations that he's is used to seeing at home are much more subdued, and definitely don't start this early in the season.]

Is this an American custom, or a twenty-first century custom? If I were to pay a visit across the ocean, would the Europeans be kicking up this much of a fuss? Fucking hell.

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You would make a lady wait?

Certainly not.

Then come over.

[ She might have some wine still around... ]

I'll be there in two hours.

I'll be seeing you, Alfie.

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[Alfie arrives on time, as promised, carrying a loaf of honeyed bread. He gives her front door a polite knock.]

[ She's already busted out an opened bottle of wine, having left it on the kitchen counter so she can go and open the front door. Were it not for Hemali's presence, the house would have been giving off a very empty and lonely vibe.

However, Hemali isn't alone; there's a peculiar damp smell that comes from somewhere in the living room, accompanied by dirt and leaves. It's not overwhelming in the least, but it's certainly out of place among concrete walls and wooden floors. ]

More bread? Are you trying to make me fat, Alfie?

[Do you have a snake nest hidden away somewhere, Hemali? He thinks you might.]

Is it good enough to?

[He moves into the kitchen and sets it down on the counter, next to the wine.]

[ Ding ding ding. There is, indeed, a large snake habitat in the living room with its doors left wide open. The snake, however, seems to be missing from its cozy, little nest which Hemali may have overdone for the sake of its comfort. It looks large and expensive, for one. ]

It'll go straight to my thighs.

[ She heads toward the pantry, fishing out two wine glasses and setting them on the counter. ]

[Once he catches sight of it, Alfie is eyeing that empty snake cage very warily.]

Have you got a pet, or is that for you?

[ She cocks her head to the side, looking at Alfie innocently. ]

Dhia is not a pet, but she does need a place to sleep.

[ Where is Dhia? That remains a mystery. ]

I do like to know the locations of snakes, when they're around me.

[He's taking a look around the living room - as much as he can without actually leaving the kitchen, anyway.]

[ She flashes him a grin, as if a large snake loose in the house isn't a terrible prospect for anyone involved. ]

She won't hurt you — unless I tell her to.

[ Hemali steps away from the counter, moving toward the entrance of the kitchen and peering around a corner to call out: ]

Dhia, come say hello.

[ After a minute, a large and vibrant python slithers into the kitchen, keeping close to Hemali the entire time. A tongue flicks out on occasion to taste the air, beady eyes focused on Alfie's form. ]

[Alfie has never thought of himself as a man who is afraid of snakes. The problem is that to him, a snake is a six-inch long, half-inch thick little thing that slithers through the grass in the countryside. This is something very different. He takes a few quick steps backwards when it approaches.]

Fucking hell-- I can see why you're happy not to have housemates anymore.

[ His reaction only amuses her, evoking a hearty laugh. ]

Isn't she a beauty?

[ She bends down and reaches a finger for the blood python's head, who in turn lifts itself so it gets close enough to Hemali's face, flicking her tongue out against Hemali's nose.

It tickles. ]

Don't worry, she's not poisonous.

Is this the species that swallows people whole?

[He's only half-joking. And definitely not coming any closer.]

Do you honestly think I'd invite someone over only to have them eaten?

[ The answer is yes, but Alfie hasn't gotten on her bad side, so he's safe.

Besides, the poor python would suffer if it tried to eat Alfie. Hemali, on the other hand, would make it quick and simple.

She gets to her feet, the python lowering herself back to the floor and slithering her way back into the living room where her cozy habitat is. ]

Are you afraid?

Cautious. More or less, depending on your answer to that question.

[He's absolutely keeping his eyes on the snake, making sure it doesn't turn around and approach them again.]

She won't eat you... or try and kill you.

[ One would think she's talking about some kind of harmless cat or dog as opposed to an exotic python.

As soon as Dhia's form has slipped out of the room does Hemali return to the wine glasses, getting the bottle open and pouring them each a glass. ]

She was being kept in terrible conditions and I freed her from it, so she knows it would be unwise to bite the hand that cares for her.

I didn't ask if she would. I asked if she could.

[He looks around for a knife to cut the bread, though if he doesn't spot one on the counter, he won't go digging through her kitchen drawers without permission.]

[ There's a tiny, devilish smile before she fetches a knife, turning it over so the blade isn't facing Alfie. ]

She could squeeze the air out of you.

[ Is that reassuring? Hemali takes a sip of her wine. ]

[Oh. Lovely. He's going to be watching that snake extra cautiously now, "she won't hurt you" be damned.

He cuts them each a generous slice of the bread, then wipes the knife off.]

I've never seen anything like it.

You haven't given me a reason to try and kill you.

[ She pulls her bread slice closer, breaking off a piece to pop into her mouth. Oh, this is too good. Carbs be damned. ]

Plus you would come right back to life, I'm sure.

I'm not afraid of you.

[Despite running a distillery at home, Alfie isn't a big alcohol drinker - but he also doesn't completely abstain, so he's happy to sip at his wine here.]

Do you like the bread?

[ The temptation to drive fear into him is strong, but she doesn't want to ruin their plans for the evening. ]

Are you not afraid of pain?

[ She smirks, breaking another piece of bread. ]

It's very good. Did you make it yourself?

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