Text | Misfires Abound!

[sleight_of_hand]

[ Public ]
[ The message had been saved in Adachi's notes to be sent later. Thanks to reasons, everyone on the network gets to see it now. ]

I'm glad you're fine with the end results, I just would rather not have my name attached to this case. I really don't want to be known as the detective that had to compare dick pictures to get a client out of trouble with his girlfriend. Just send the payment over and we're good.

[ So much for that. ]

[ Crane (originally for Junpei) ]
Look, all I'm saying is you don't know true fear until you find yourself staring down this thing, okay????

[ What comes attached with the message is a roughly drawn picture of what could only be described at a dick in a chariot. Tentacles are involved. Why this is even a thing is anyone's guess. ]

[ Harley (originally for Crane) ]
Look, I'm only texting you because you know all about my shit, and you know HER. Also you can't say a damn thing to anyone else about this, got it?!?!?!

So uh.

How can I apologize and get an actual relationship going with Harley?

[ Dooku (originally for Harley) ]
Hey.

I have a reservation at this nice place in Nonah for a client, but they ended up fixing their problems on their own. Don't want to miss a chance to eat at this place so. Do you wanna go with me?

[ Junpei (originally for Dooku) ]
Man, next time you want to talk over this stuff, we're going to one of my places. I'm getting sick of your fancy bullshit tea.

Besides, you could use a few scotches. And by a few I mean like seven.

Comments

[itistolaugh]

[Oh no. Oh no, this is so good? This is the best thing that's ever happened to her.]

Diamonds would be a start.

[sleight_of_hand]

[ ...wait, why is she--? ]

[ ... ]

[ Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. ]

That wasn't meant for you.

And no way I can afford diamonds. They don't even look that nice.

[ Geeze, how many of his other messages got screwed up?! ]

[itistolaugh]

but you sent it to me anyway and its about me so i get to have an opinion
i GUESS rubies would be an okay substitute

[sleight_of_hand]

[ ...FUCK his life. ]

...................
How about free food?

[itistolaugh]

idk depends how good the food is
and if youre sure im not too much of a big ol slut to be seen in public with a tender virgin like yourself

[sleight_of_hand]

[ Yeah, he totally deserved that. It's a moment before he responds, mostly because he's actually putting some thought into it. ]

I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that just because I don't know how to be social. I'm trying to learn better, that's why I was trying to get advice on how to handle this.

[itistolaugh]

i will have a meal with you that you pay for but it does NOT mean anything more than that

and if you aren't a total asshole then maybe we can be friends
MAYBE

[sleight_of_hand]

[ SCORE! ]

I can work with that.

Now I've gotta figure out who actually got the message you were supposed to get. Knowing my luck, it was probably Birdbrain.

[voice]

[oddbod]

How come I never get those sorts of cases?

[Half confused laughter, half joking jealousy.]

[voice]

[sleight_of_hand]

Hunh?

[ Give him a moment to figure out what this is all about. ]

Oh shit!

Uh.

How do you delete from the network?!

Private

[dun_moch]

[Dooku scrutinizes this text for a moment, furrowing his brow. It cannot possibly be what it sounds like, can it? Even Adachi is not so foolish.

No, the Count decides. It is more likely that Adachi has finally recognized the value of sycophancy, and this offer of a nice meal is a long-overdue effort to curry favour with Dooku. And that, he will accept.]

Very well. I will join you for dinner. But I want to see you wearing something appropriate to the occasion. An ironed shirt, for instance.

And you will be paying.

[sleight_of_hand]

[ ...well, it's not Crane. IT'S WORSE. ]

Oh hell no. This wasn't meant for you anyway!

[dun_moch]

I beg your pardon?

[Things Dooku is not in the mood for: this foolishness.]

[sleight_of_hand]

[ Ugh, now he has to spell this out for him? Rude. ]

Network is screwing up. This was supposed to go to a chick I like. So unless you want to go out on a date with a guy -- no, not even that. Just hell no.

[dun_moch]

I assure you, I have no intention to go on a date with anyone. Particularly not you.

[Pause.]

Do you mean to tell me that this is how you romance a woman you desire?

[And now the elderly Sith Lord will judge Adachi's dating game. This is your punishment for your sins, Adachi.]

[sleight_of_hand]

Shut up! I don't want to hear dating critique from you!

[ He doesn't need judging from an old fart that probably never got any! ]

[dun_moch]

Clearly you need to hear it from someone, if not me. You sound like you've been forced into asking her due to circumstance, not because you want to see her.

[sleight_of_hand]

What, no. It's not being obvious, not being forced! This is why I said no; your advice is dated!

[restingstitchface]

I've seen bigger.

[Things to be terrified of. This is not a pun. This is not his way of coping with the NONSENSE coming his way, lately. Get out.]

[sleight_of_hand]

[ There was a long moment, before... ]

You would get the dick pic.

Sorry, network is messed up. You were supposed to get something else.

[restingstitchface]

Oh? What would that be?

[sleight_of_hand]

Trying to get help with Harley. Only because you know her.

But it's kinda working out in a direction I can make an effort with, so it's fine.

[restingstitchface]

[Honestly, he can't tell who's more desperate.]

Fine. Then you don't need my advice for other personal matters?

[sleight_of_hand]

[ There's a long pause. ]

Well, I would, if I could trust you beyond something like that.

[restingstitchface]

Better the devil you know than the one you don't, detective.