02 | VIDEO | MISFIRE

[musclemothers]

[The scene: a karaoke bar, decked out in holiday lights, a miserable, sticky looking place with miserable, sticky looking waitresses in sexy elf costumes.

The people: one Rusty Venture, currently wearing an ugly Christmas sweater and holding a martini glass that is not, from the looks of it, his first, and one THE MONARCH!!!!, one of the few imPorts whose eyebrows dwarf Rusty’s and wearing… what he’s always wearing, really. Though he has added a festive Santa hat over his crown.

Rusty squints into the camera, takes a hefty gulp of his drink, then says,] Sadie. Sadie, my dear, we are in need of someone to judge a little wager. This imbecile thinks he can outsing me, but we’ll leave it up to a woman of dignity and character to - to judge.

[Yeah, he’s drunk. But so is the Monarch, so at least it's an equal playing field?]


Yeah, like you know anyone of dignity and character, let alone a woman. [ The Monarch rolls his eyes. ] Did you pick a song yet?


Don’t rush genius. I swear, half of these have been done already... [Rusty props the communicator on a nearby table and hops onto the stage with an effeminate sort of flourish, scrolling through the songs available.] There. Twelve Days of Christmas.

[The karaoke midi file begins to play the intro, and so it begins.]


Twelve Days of-- Are you fucking kidding me? Everyone's done-- On the first day of Christmas my arch rival gave to meeee…


You can’t even sing the first line right? [Oh, shit, he missed his cue. Rusty’s voice isn’t pleasant, but he’s hitting the majority of the notes at least.] Oh, shit -- OntheseconddayofChristmas my true love gave to meeeee two turtle doves and a -- okay, see, there are lyrics there. On the screen. Are you illiterate?


[ The Monarch gives up early, talking through most of the next verse. ] Have you ever even done this whole Christmas song shit? Half the point is making it your own!


…And a partridge in a pear treeeeeee.


Come on! All Christmas is is a bunch of traditions stitched together. Why the hell else would people be singing this nonsense? People only want to hear what they’ve already heard before. But I should’ve known that you’d mess this up too. How drunk do I have to --

[oh. He missed a lot. But he’s not going to miss this one. He stretches one arm out like a spindly Liberace as he belts:] FIIIIVE GOLDEN RIIIIIIII--.


[ His arm almost hits the Monarch in the face, so the Monarch's gonna go ahead and just shove him off the stage (while Rusty emits a particularly high pitched screeching sound following a loud thump and a horrified declaration of I’m bleeding!) and the video cuts out as it devolves into the world's scrawniest, shriekiest karaoke bar brawl. ]

[ ooc ; if you need a reference point for these awful voices, you may find the Monarch singing with his wife HERE and Rusty's VA HERE. ]

Comments

video;

[exceptfebruary]

I quite liked his ad-lib, actually.

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

Thank you.

[exceptfebruary]

Getting into the Christmas spirit with said arch-rival?

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

I was trying to. You know he wanted to sing something from Annie Get Your Gun first? I told him it was a Christmas song, or the bet's off.

[exceptfebruary]

As you should. Annie Get Your Gun is hardly appropriate.

Re: video;

[musclemothers]

You would.

[Rusty Venture is A: glowering, B: bleeding from where he smashed his head into the ground, and C: has no idea who Calendar Man is.

Doesn't stop him from instantly judging him, though.]

[exceptfebruary]

[ Julian, meanwhile, will just assume he's heard of him -- because he's so famous for all his crimes the man already knows his deal. ]

You must be his Doctor Venture. I'm surprised you don't wear a costume.

[musclemothers]

No, no, not his Doctor Venture. I am simply Doctor Venture, period. This guy is just the asshole who stalked me to a karaoke bar.

[That is questionably true, but he's rolling with it anyway.]

And I don't wear a costume because I never volunteered to be a part of his nonsense. What, are you his friend or something?

[exceptfebruary]

You can consider me a colleague of his. In a similar line of work, you understand. You're not a superhero, then?

[musclemothers]

God, no. Do I look like a superhero to you? I'm a scientist. I spend time in my lab. This guy's just the lunatic that decides to stand on my roof and scream once a week.

video;

[brushoff]

Old drunkards screaming into a microphone. Really, this is the true meaning of Christmas.

[ said with as MUCH SARCASM AS HE CAN HUMANLY MUSTER. ]

video;

[musclemothers]

No, the true meaning of Christmas is horrible disappointment and the Krampus coming to bust up your shit. But you made a nice effort, Dorian...

[He squints at the name. He gets real close to the screen, and gives Dorian a good view of his nose hairs because he's too damn drunk to read his name.]

...Gray? Christ, your parents must have been real pieces of work.

video;

[brushoff]

Thankfully, they had no knowledge of my name's...ah, connotations when I was born.

[ because Dorian's the one who caused all the connotations to begin with! ]

Still, the Krampus? How delightfully archaic!

video;

[musclemothers]

Uh... huh. [HE DOESN'T BELIEVE YOU, DORIAN. But he'll relent.]

Well, as it turns out, he's not archaic. He's real, and he's an enormous asshole.

video;

[brushoff]

This sounds like there's a story behind it.

[ TELL HIM ABOUT THE KRAMPUS because wow is Dorian a bit eager to hear said story. ]

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

He's the only one who's scrrrrreaming!

In terror!

[brushoff]

No, I think you both were screaming. Honestly, it was like someone decided to torture two cats in a bag.

MAYBE ACTION FROM HERE

[musclemothers]

I'm screaming because you're hitting me!

video; SADIE IS HERE

[marriedmedium]

Wonderful, simply wonderful!

[Here she is, applauding enthusiastically, giving every impression of having had truly enjoyed the performance.]

Encore, my good men!

HELLO SADIE

[musclemothers]

Shad -- Sadie, my dear. While I appreciate your support I don't think this is something you should be applauding.

But from what little you heard, I am undoubtedly the better singer, hm?

[marriedmedium]

Oh, but I don't know if I could make a proper judgment based on just one song!

[musclemothers]

C'mon, one song's plenty! Besides, you really want to hear him sing again?

[marriedmedium]

I do if I want to provide an accurate assessment! Don't you try to compromise my impartiality as a judge, you scamp!

i'm so sorry

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

Holy shit, you're not a prostitute. Or you are, and he's actually shelling out the big bucks for once in his pathetic life.

never be sorry

[marriedmedium]

I certainly am not. That's quite rude of you, Mister Butterfly Man.