1 [Video]

[ret2go]

[When the camera comes on, all you see is a very large face; it's also upside-down. The person on the other end blinks, turning the device around, peering closely at it. She doesn't seem to realize that she's turned it on.] Why do I feel like that if I shake this thing too hard, it's going to blow up in my face?

[She pulls it back, and though the image is still upside-down, it's now clear that the face belongs to a young woman wearing an outfit resembling a bedlah. Oh, and the curtain of purple behind her? It's her hair, and there's a lot of it.] I... don't think I should trust something this small that talks. How the heck does it even work? There's no dynamo or steam generator or anything like that.

And it doesn't feel magic. [She leans back in, and audibly sniffs the device.] Doesn't smell magic, either. Boy, Uncle Mimic would have a field day with this thing.

...hey, that red light wasn't always on the front, was it? What the heck does "recording" mean?

[And realization.] Ah, crud.

Comments

[ret2go]

[She's about to respond to that first part, when the second part of what he says catches her eye. And immediately, she turns suspicious.] Lamp? What lamp? I don't know about any lamp.

What lamp are you talking about?

[douchebag]

[ He arches an eyebrow. ]

Aren't you some kind of genie? You're dressed like a genie.

[ Though to be fair, Felix has only seen genies in movies. ]

[ret2go]

--okay, for one, this is just how I dress, okay? This is how everyone dresses where I'm from.

For another, if I were a genie, that would be a hurtful stereotype.

[douchebag]

It would be? Why?

[ It's a serious question. ]

Look, I never met a genie before, okay? I don't know how to talk to one.

[ret2go]

How would you like people assuming that sorta thing about you just by the way you dress? Why would you talk to me-- I mean, a genie-- different than anyone else? They're normal people!

[douchebag]

[ He waves a hand at that first question. ]

People assume shit about me all the time. Wouldn't be the first time.

[ He noticed that slip!!! ]

You just said asking about clothes is rude! I didn't know that. So I don't know what the other genie stereotypes are either.

[ret2go]

Who said there are any other stereotypes? All genies are different, and they definitely don't have lamps!

--and you're still assuming I'm a genie, so stop assuming things!

[douchebag]

You said hurtful stereotype! Usually there are more than one!

[ Is this what it's like for people trying to talk to him? Felix would feel bad, if he felt bad about things. ]

Okay, look, I'm sorry I thought you were a genie, all right?

[ret2go]

[Shantae sighs. Maybe she's being kind of a jerk about this. It's just that the lamp thing makes her a little defensive.]

Well.

You're not... really wrong about the genie thing.

[douchebag]

[ Oh for fuck's sake. ]

Then why—

[ A possibility dawns on him before he finishes the question. ]

It's the wish thing, right? You don't want everybody pestering you about granting wishes.

[ret2go]

[A slow nod. That's certainly part of it.] There's that, and I sort of have... bad experiences with lamps in the past.

[douchebag]

Claustrophobia, right? I wouldn't blame you.

[ He wouldn't want to get stuck in a lamp either. ]

Look, I've got just about everything I could want, yeah? So I don't need to exploit genies for wish granting. Don't worry about that.

[ret2go]

Yeah, something like that. [The lamp wasn't a seal or a container, per se. Where she's from, they're control rods.] Really, whoever's bright idea it was to have the dumb lamp show up with me has a really mean sense of humor, you know?

So... sorry for being a little oversensitive about that.

[douchebag]

Isn't the first time whatever's in charge here has exercised a shitty sense of humor. Probably won't be the last, either.

[ He died falling to his death and this place gave him the ability to fly. He's a little bitter. ]

So you said this thing doesn't smell like magic. That means you've got a lot of experience with it, right? Can you do crazy shit with it too?

[ret2go]

Experience with magic? Yeah, of course. I'm a guardian [half] genie, after all. There's always something going on where I'm from. ...how crazy are you talking?

[douchebag]

It's all pretty crazy to me. I mean, I've seen guys create fire and snow out of nothing while I've been here. I have these knives that are like, I don't know, enchanted. It's crazy.

How's a guardian genie different from a regular genie?

[ret2go]

See, that doesn't sound crazy to me at all. That's just how stuff is. It's totally normal.

And a guardian genie is just, uh, a regular genie who's a town guardian. It's a job title.

[douchebag]

For a guy who's only ever seen the sleigh of hand kind of magic, it is.

What kind of dumbass job did you get saddled with here?

[ret2go]

I'm supposed to be a... hairdresser? Which feels a little ironic, since I don't really, uh, get haircuts all that often.

It can't be that hard, right?

[douchebag]

Probably not? I don't know. I mean, I can cut my own hair. Cutting other peoples' should be easier than that.

[ret2go]

I cut my own hair too, but that's because I know how I want it to look. [And it's easy to bring in front of her.] I guess I just ask the person and hope they know what they want?

Hair takes a long time to grow back if you cut too much off, so maybe it's best to just not cut much off at all.

[douchebag]

I've been to a barber before and yeah, that's how it works. Client comes in, tells you want they want, and you do it.

You can do magic, can't you? Why not use that on their hair? Make it easy on yourself.

[ret2go]

For one, that sorta seems like a waste of magic.

For another, I don't... really think it works like that? It's not like I know a "hair cutting" spell. It's a little more specific usage-wise than that.

[douchebag]

You mean there are rules? It's magic! Magic shouldn't have rules! That's like the opposite of what it is.

[ret2go]

What? Of course there's rules. Like... no genie would ever grant a wish for more wishes. That's a rule.