(no subject)

[lapwing]

[On the network is what appears to be a young boy, about 12 or 13 years old. For a moment, he stares quite soulfully at the video output impossibly deep, black eyes, and then pokes at the screen with one fingernail.]

Not even a proper imp in there, how's that for you...?

[He pulls back and mimes clearing his throat. A voice far, far more booming than is fit for the child's face resounds across the feed.]

Right, broadcast. AHEM. This is just a friendly, non-suspicious question, inquiring on when the next coup or violent overthrow of this government is going to be. Not that I'm actually advocating it, I just know you humans really can't resist.

I'm pretty handy with a popcorn machine if anyone can provide good seats.

Comments

[monge]

I dunno... That sounds really lonely, zura...

[What with humans being everywhere. A place with no humans whatsoever has gotta be really empty.]

[lapwing]

Not at all. If you had to stay here it would be, but there are better places where you're with everyone.

[monge]

That does sound pretty nice, but...I'm not that lonely here, I have a whole bunch of friends who'd be really sad if I just went and left like that, zura. I even found a best friend and it'd break my heart if I couldn't see her again, zura...

[lapwing]

How many masters have you GOT?

[monge]

...Masters, zura?

[Look, he likes humans, but he'd never put himself below them, that's crazy talk. He's not that kinda dog.]

I don't have any masters, zura.

[lapwing]

That's the spirit! [ Always good to encourage the progress. ] But how many humans are calling on you?

[monge]

Um, none, zura...? I haven't been able to give out my medal ever since I got here, zura.

B-But I'll come over if they call me on the phone or something, if it's important, zura.

[lapwing]

What do you mean medal?

[monge]

Huh?

[Everything was kind of making so much sense up until now, he's a little surprised he has to explain it.]

Oh... well, when a youkai makes friends with a human, we normally give them our medals so they can call us whenever they need help, zura.

[lapwing]

[ Youkai. Everything clicks into place. Foreign magicians... ]

I'd heard that the Chinese and Japanese treat their spirits better, but ... I don't even have words for that.

You got so lucky, kid.

[monge]

[Oh.

Oooooooooohh.]

It's not like that everywhere else, zura...?

[That's...that's awful. He always assumed youkai medals were just universal. ...Then again, Komasan also recently learned the world is a lot larger than he first released.]

I-I'm so sorry, I had no idea, zura!

[lapwing]

Nooootttt even close.

[monge]

[Komasan has evolved into Komasad.]

D-D-Do you need a hug, zura?!

[lapwing]

What? No! [ Yes. ]

[monge]

[He's sorry, he can't hear you over his own obnoxious crying.]

W-When I see you... I-I'm gonna give you the biggest hug, zura!!

[lapwing]

Hey. Hey now, lets not be hasty with weird human habits.

[monge]

Humans did not invent hugging, zura!!

[...Probably.]

[lapwing]

What do you think those gangly monkey limbs are for, kid?

I mean, besides backstabbing. Same gesture, actually.

[monge]

No they aren't, they're made for reaching the higher shelves, zura.

...A-And I told you, I'm an adult, zura.

[lapwing]

Unless you've got a couple thousand years on you, we're still talking young.

[ On the higher shelf problem... ] Why don't you just fly up? You hardly need them for that kind of nonsense.

[monge]

[But...adult tickets!!]

Eh?! I can't fly, zura!!

[lapwing]

What? Have you tried?

[monge]

M-Maybe, zura...

[lapwing]

So. Instead of hugs, lemmie show you how to fly.

Or get enough power back so that you can. [ Clearly the issue is that Komasan's been in the human world too long... ]

[monge]

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNGGGGEEE!!

You can teach people how to fly, zura?!