maskormenace | ( voice )

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( voice )

I've been having an argument with someone—

[ Should he introduce himself? Identify himself whatsoever? Mention how glad he is that anyone listening is alive after the blackout?

If so, too bad. Obviously he's glad everyone is alive. And if anyone wants to recognize him, it's going to have to be from his Fantasy English accent and idiosyncratic drawl. ]

—and now I'm wondering. What's the worst thing you've ever had in your mouth?

[ Forgive him, he knows not what he does. But before anyone on the other end of the communicators can teach him his lesson, a second, female voice on his end supplies, ] A dick, [ in a ""whisper"" that still carries over the background chatter of the bar.

Alistair pauses. It's a thoughtful, considering pause. ]

Other than that.

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[ On the screen, there's a cat. The cat says, mildly: ]

You know that you're setting yourself up for absolutely idiotic answers, right?

[ When he comes into view he's already squinting suspiciously. And holding his device too close to his face. He'll get there. Anyway—

Kitty, is that you? ]

I thought I might be, but apparently I'm actually setting myself up for talking cats.

Edited 2017-01-27 19:04 (UTC)

[ why yes, yes it i-- no hold on that's a bad Kitty

Her ears twitch in a sign of clear irritation - or, at the very least, conspicuous, self-righteous irritation. ]

And is that a problem?

[ He can't twitch his ears back. What an injustice. He does twitch his eyebrows, though, which is the only sign he isn't taking this impromptu interrogation very seriously. ]

I don't know yet. Are you a witch or a demon?

[ Tabris peeks over Alistair's shoulder, twitching her ear in sympathy to his inability to. Poor human. ]

I'm not playing any more puzzles, I don't care if there's an army of golems in it for me.

Edited 2017-01-27 19:33 (UTC)

Don't worry. The mean puzzles can't get you here.

If I were a demon or a spirit, would I respond to a question asked that rudely? Demon is a slur where I'm from, you know.

Edited 2017-01-27 20:16 (UTC)

It's not a very nice word where I'm from, either, but get back, spirit twisted and corrupted by vice is so long. They'll have killed you before you finish saying it. Unless they're the chatty cat-possessing types. Then you may have time.

Does that mean you're a witch?

Define witch.

Someone who does magic. Usually -- where I'm from -- someone who does unapproved magic, like turning into things the Maker never wanted them to be or boiling people's blood in their veins while they writhe around screaming.

[ You know the ones. ]

Or you could just be a cat who talks. I suppose that's no stranger than the cars.

Well -

[ Her tail swishes back and forth. Sturdily, she responds: ]

I don't give much of a damn about whether people approve of what I do. Even if they're Makers or government officials or scruffy blond men on the network. I've never boiled anyone's blood and have no intention of doing anything of the sort, but I do turn into cats, and dragonflies, and other forms that please me. So I suppose that, yes, that makes me a witch, and unapologetically so.

[ Then, with a flick of her whiskers - ]

And cars aren't strange. They run on an internal combustion engine. They're quite logical, once you sit down and have them explained to you.

she took my answer

:(

YOU KNOW THAT YOURE SETTING YOUR SELF UP FOR ABSOLUTELY IDIOTIC ANSWERS RIGHT cannot be the worst thing that both of you have had in your mouths

Fairly good sentence really

Or did you mean the other thing

[ and, experimentally, because he's a cool kid, he's fitting in: ]

?"

which one do u think i mean

YOU KNOW THAT YOURE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR ABSOLUTELY IDIOTIC ANSWERS RIGHT

buzzer.wav

The answer is DICK dude and if you want specifics you'll have to hit up some other network
I'm not enabling this

Toss-up between the still-writhing tentacles of an elder god or my best friend's ass. It's too close to call either way.

thats a close call? REally?

You'd understand if you ever saw his ass.

don't know that I would

is his ass made of god tentacles
?

Nah, if it was then it wouldn't be such a tough decision 'cause they'd basically be the same shit.

the ONLY thing I can imagine worse than god tentacles are god tentacles that are also an ass

granted, i'Ve had a some very bad days with tentacles

maybe your tentacles were btter

The tentacles were honestly the highlight of that fucking day, I'll be real.

[cults S U C K]

you cant leave a man without context after a sentence like that

I dunno, isn't the whole basis of good horror that people's minds always imagine worse shit than anything you can tell them?

[she fully intends to give him context, but who can resist a little good-natured ribbing first?]

[ Here's a rather frail looking man who is delighted by this topic. Too bad the obvious answer is already taken. ]

Someone else's fingers. While they were in the process of trying to cut out my tongue.

[ Hello, frail and delighted man. Here is a not-frail but also delighted man. ]

I'll assume from the talking that that didn't work out for them? I hope you bit them.

[ Excitedly talking about nearly having your tongue cut out, that's always fun. ]

Oh yes. Kicked him in the knee a few times too. And overthrew the guy who'd ordered him to do it.

Good man, good ma -- [ wait. ] Overthrew?

Of course. He'd taken over my mercenary fleet. Couldn't stand for that.

Wait, was she answering for herself or for you...? [ Give her a second, there's a pause for thought, followed up by, ] On second thought, I don't want to know. Do not answer that, just don't.

[ There's a long pause. He's trying to obey. But. ]

Can I please answer?

[ Well, Alistair, you are the king. So. ]

If you really, really want to, I suppose, yes.

Thank you.

[ A pause to shift from polite to adamant. ]

For herself. I'm... [ What is the correct word here. Straight? Chantry-baked? Fereldan? ] ...married.

Anyway, now you've said something, you have to answer to answer my question.

[ So much she could say, so much she will not.

She'll just stick to answering the question instead, thankfully. ]

The worst thing? The Hanged Man used to have a mystery stew. It managed to be slightly worse than what they usually served as ale, but only slightly.

Demon's blood. No contest.

Ha! What a coincidence. Was it for business or recreation?

A bit of both, but mostly business. You know how it is, fighting off an invading army of dark gods, I get the wonderful idea to bite one of them. Indigestion plagued me for the next three days.

Never bite a demon, it isn't worth it.

[ You know, just vampire problems. ]

Wine.

[She wrinkles her nose. Wine is gross, okay?]

Other than that, I went to a restaurant where they decided my mushroom burger needed Italian dressing. Gross.

[Max, your hipster is showing.]

Worst thing? Probably live octopus.

And what about you?

Edited 2017-01-31 22:00 (UTC)

A dick is the worst thing?

Holy shit, whoever that is, I'm sorry.

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