text

[siriusly]

It's weird to think that maybe this Earth could turn out like the one from my universe. Or timeline. Or however it works...
(I'm not really smart about all this, I'm sorry...)

But there's a lot that's similar. Even on the planet I lived on, and all the ones in the galaxy, we all use the same clock system, even though some days are longer or shorter depending on which planet you landed on. Same 24 hour clock. And this Earth uses one, too. And there's baseball and hovercars and the moon landing was about the same time (I think)...

So I wonder how long it will take for this Earth to leave the planet, if it will. Or maybe it won't because it won't make the same mistakes the Earth in my history did. Or maybe they WILL but they'll decide to do something differently. Maybe because people like us are here it's already changed how things will go. Maybe because I'm here the railways from my world can show, and maybe because someone else is here, something from their history will happen? IS that already happening?

It's also weird that I can think about all this without trying when I'm TRYING to study something else...

Comments

[siriusly]

So? I can like the same things as other people sometimes!

[oceanthief]

Sure, but shouldn't they be sort of similar to you for that to happen?

[pale_blue_arrow]

[Is it gay to lean his head on Manabu's shoulder? It's definitely not the straightest thing Brendan's done, but he's way far removed from the mindset that would even let him entertain the idea of making a pass at anyone right now. He's just suddenly aware of how young he is, in a frightening way, in the sense that there's a long stretch of time between now and the grave and he's scared of the future after the shitshow that the past was.

To hell with it. He pulls his legs up onto the couch and curls against Manabu like the scared, depressed, overwhelmed teenager he is. If Manabu wants to shove him off, fair enough; they can cross that bridge when they come to it.]

Archie actually told me I should find somebody to talk to, locked up the booze after I raided it, informed me normal people try and discuss their baggage instead of hitting the bottle. I don't - I don't really do that sort of thing. I don't know how. But you seem like you've got your life together. More than me, at least.

[After a second, a thought hits him, and he cringes.] Prob'bly makes it sound like I'm using you, huh? Damnit.

[siriusly]

I don't know. I didn't know I liked green tea soda until some old gramps gave me some, and he and I weren't anything alike since I was like six when that happened...

[siriusly]

Haah? [using him?

Manabu, having fidgeted only just so that the head on his shoulder wouldn't slide off, glances down at the mop of hair. he makes a thoughtful sound before responding.]

I don't know what planet Archie's from, but I can only count on two hands how many people I know who talk their problems out first instead of something stupid or unhelpful. I don't always do the right thing, either. It's...kind of hard, when your head's hurting and your heart's so heavy, you know?

[a beat. he wriggles his arm behind and across Brendan's shoulders, plopping his hand on his head. it's what his big brother used to do when he was upset.]

But. He's right about the talking part. That's better than trying to drown it out with drinks. [he drums his fingers just once as reinforcement, but not unkindly, to match his softened tone:] Don't make it sound like asking for help is a bad thing. You're only using help because you need it, and I don't mind that at all.

[oceanthief]

...I thought tea and soda were tow different things.

[siriusly]

They are, but there's a soda that tastes LIKE green tea. And it's really good! Not enough people give it a chance.

[oceanthief]

That sounds pretty stupid.

[siriusly]

Hey don't knock it until you try it!

CW for canonical dub-con/sort of non-con

[pale_blue_arrow]

In all the books I've read, this is the easy bit. Feelings spill out and the next chapter is perfect, or at least better, unless it's Shakespeare. Reading always made it seem like a one-step solution - didn't mention it was gonna feel like pulling teeth as far as how easy it isn't.

[He sort of blinks at the gesture. Not having a brother, he guesses he should associate this sort of thing with his dad, but his dad's a non-entity most of the time, working, drinking and going out with women while his mom acts like she doesn't care. Brendan's parents haven't ruffled his hair since he was four or five and they still liked each other a little. It's weird to have someone do it now, but it's nice, like being reminded of a good dream.]

Help always had price tags attached to it back home. As in, the last time I broke down about this back there, the girl I thought was a shoulder to cry on used it as an opportunity to fuck me. I was pretty beat up at the time, physically, on top o' emotionally. So I just sorta let it happen. I hated it, but it happened. And I don't - I don't wanna go through that shit again. I don't want to have to lay with you to get to be human.

Bein' on guard all the time, though, that's... difficult. To maintain and to unlearn both.

[siriusly]

[it's a good thing Manabu's expression can't be seen, because he grimaces at the explanation. it makes his gut churn. why anybody goes out of their way to hurt anyone always gets the knee-jerk response of why?, but Manabu knows there's always more behind things.

doesn't mean he has to like what's behind it.

he swallows on a lump in his throat and lets out a little sigh, carefully smoothing out what hair he messed up.]

I'm not-- [eugh. just the idea of taking advantage of anyone when they're--] You're not going to have to put up with that. That someone would do something like that to you when you were hurt is really... [exhale. it makes him angry.]

Not fair. I'm sorry.

[pale_blue_arrow]

[There might not be more to things. If there is, Brendan is beyond caring. He doesn't want dig for that information, doesn't want to know whatever rationale was behind it, just wants it to go away.

These things don't go away. Time hasn't put enough distance between him and what happened for that. They're not even lurking in the shadows, they're just right there, behind him, whenever he glances back at the past. Hesitantly, he wraps an arm around Manabu's torso and sort of clings. Manabu is someone he pegged for a sap and maybe he is, but it's the good kind of sap, the kind that makes the world less bleak to live in.]

I know you're not. You're not that kinda person. And I think maybe I need that right now. No strings attached or undertones or moves made, just. I don't know. Normalcy. Stability. Whatever that means.

text;

[marriedmedium]

Hasn't it left already? I'm sure I remember something about a moon trip.

[siriusly]

Whatever that means...

[he frowns down at the shape clinging to him, drawing up his legs to sit cross-legged, a better prop.

one of the hardest things for Manabu to come to terms with is that he can't fix everything. for as hard as he works, as much as he tries to do, it only goes so far, and oftentimes not far enough. he can't do anything to wipe away the horrible things Brendan dealt with, can't change how the fallout manifested in him.

it's not much different than out on the force. it's a lesson he's learned more than once, but he struggles to accept.

sometimes the best one can do is just be.

still...Manabu can't help but wish he could be doing more.]

[siriusly]

I'm not sure that one counts...I mean, I haven't heard anything beyond that. No plans to colonize or anything.

[pale_blue_arrow]

[Manabu is so comforting, so - so safe. A good guy who is actually good, somebody who got a shitty power and is still helping people, someone who listened to the series of catastrophes that was Brendan's life and still remained instead of backing away. He's almost impossibly perfect. Or, more likely, Brendan's been burned enough times his standards are impossibly low.

Either way, he feels more human than he has in a long time, maybe since he got here, and to his eternal embarrassment, he begins to cry. The San Clemente part of him says to suck it the fuck up and keep on keeping on, but he just can't keep pushing it all away. It's too much.

This, though, this is good. This is enough. This is what it feels like not to be carrying the weight of the world entirely on his own. And God help him, whatever age he feels like, he really is just barely sixteen. A kid, as Archie put it. Or at least, too young to deal with all this on his own. He just needs this moment.

He'll quip about it later, make it seem like less than it was. It's how he deals with things. But for now, he just holds tight to Manabu. For now, he feels like he can without risking being burned.]

[siriusly]

[the knife in Manabu's gut twists tighter when he hears the kid in his lap start to sniff and cry. carefully he shifts to better collect the grief slumped over him. it's usually the other way around with this kind of thing for him...

he slowly and methodically stroked the hair under his hand, tilting his head back to gently rest against the wall behind him as he closes his eyes. he remembers evenings in his mother's arms, angry and inconsolable and guilty. she held him similarly, stroked his hair, and let him have it out, and by the end of it he would wear out and find a way back to sleep and a means to facing the next day.

sometimes that's all it takes, even if it doesn't seem that way.]

[pale_blue_arrow]

[The last time Brendan's mother had held him and let him cry, he'd been in preschool. Back then, he'd thought that sort of familial love was written into stone, that it lasted forever, that he would always have someone around. Then his parents started to get busier. They just wanted to make sure he had money for college and a roof over his head. They were flawed, but he didn't hate them. He missed them. He missed not being alone.

He was going to make a home somehow for him, Emily and the baby. It was going to be rough, but he could have, would have, found work. They were going to beat the odds and he was going to hold his daughter close in all the ways his parents never did for him and-

Brendan cries until he gradually loses the energy to. There's still a void, there. There maybe always will be, he doesn't know. But he doesn't feel like he needs to go drink until he's blind or steal sleeping pills from the pharmacy downtown or anything like that. The future, he still can't picture, can't handle. Tonight, though, he can handle that, and maybe, if he takes it one day at a time, he can keep staying alive, if only because it would really hurt Manabu if he didn't.

Post-crying, he falls asleep against the other guy, tired on a level that goes much deeper than lack of rest.]

[marriedmedium]

Now, don't go moving those proverbial goal posts! It most certainly does count.

[oceanthief]

I don't think I want something like that anywhere near my mouth.

[thelasttsviet]

I'm not sure I'd call it mine.
But it probably will.

As to your question.
Given the technology here, I can't imagine they will be leaving their planet to any noticeable degree any time soon.

[knaval]

the muppets are good!! very funny
thats about it tho
wyd for entertainment?????????

[siriusly]

Your loss! More for me.

[siriusly]

It's kind of a good thing maybe? I mean people left Earth where I'm from because of bad times. Things aren't so bad here that anyone's had to fly off like that...

[siriusly]

I guess so...
Still if things are still as OK as they are here, maybe there's not that much motivation to leave.