VIDEO; Stop trying to eat your brother.

[itistolaugh]

[Harley smiles and waves at the camera. The room is clearly not her own, for anyone that knows her. Too many books and not enough glitter. In fact, it seems rather Jonathan Crane-esque. That's because it is Jonathan Crane's home, where she's been crashing since the floods in Heropa. She has to speak a little louder than normal to be heard over the strange animal noises in the background.]

Hey, I'm back! And now I've got my sweetie pie big smelly babies with me, yes I do! Say hi, babies!

[She turns the camera to where the "babies" — two fully grown spotted hyenas — are intensely focused on something off-camera, with their tails up and teeth bared. One of them turns briefly to whoop at mommy, and then joins his brother to giggle and chitter toward the top of a bookcase.]

Aren't they just the biggest sillies? They can definitely bite your legs off though, so ask before you pet if you see 'em around. And speaking of biting things, uh...

[The view moves up and focuses on a dark lump on top of the bookcase. The lump is a cat, terrified out of his tiny mind.]

That's Wizkers Khalifa. He's a total sweetheart but really skittish, so I think he should be somewhere quiet where he's the only pet, or at least where nobody is trying to eat him. He's been my buddy for two years, so it's really important that I know he's in a good home, and I want to come over and see him from time to time.

Oh, there's Johnny. Hi, J— Nope, there he goes.

[The camera swings for a glimpse of Crane swiftly leaving the room, before moving back to poor Wiz.]

He's embarrassed of me. Anyway, let me know if you want to meet the cat. Sooner the better.

Comments

[restingstitchface]

I would prefer not to. Keep them out of my study, please.

[itistolaugh]

i'll do my best
you can't keep avoiding them tho they'll just start to pick on you if they think you're running away

[restingstitchface]

[He replaces his cup on the counter he was leaning over and immediately answers her crazy implication of cowardice in person. He stands there in silence for seconds, hand-on-hip.]

Do the three of you want to live alone?

[itistolaugh]

[She's temporarily directed the hyenas away from the cat and is sitting on the floor using them as furniture while tapping away at her network post. She wraps an arm around Bud's neck and gives him a kiss on top of his beautiful, perfect head.]

Come sit with us and let them get used to you. You can use a chair.

[restingstitchface]

[In he goes. Forward, forward, forward to sit in his chair that occupies the space around it with a twisted pile of books. He adjusts quietly, crossing his right leg lightly over his left, and feels the fingers of his left hand brushing the fabric.

He does not speak for a while, seemingly lost in thought.]

[itistolaugh]

[She leaves him alone for a while, lets him settle into his own space, before she infringes upon it and leans against his knee. If Bud and Lou are going to be convinced not to prey on Crane, they need to be shown he's part of the family.]

They're very smart, you know. Hyenas have complex social intelligence, and strict hierarchies.

[She glances up at his no doubt sour face.]

I'm at the top.

[restingstitchface]

[He takes a very long breath, which is a means of steadying himself and displaying his utter lack of concern. He eyeballs her over the frames of his glasses and then snaps his eyes back to his reading. It doesn't occur to him to count himself amongst their group.]

Well, amongst the three of you it's to be expected. There's not much difference.

[itistolaugh]

[She laughs. The hyenas look up at the sound, assessing if it's distress and if he caused it, before mooing softly and settling back down.]

The difference is that I smell the best.

[restingstitchface]

You are quite fresh.

[He is still reading his book, doing nothing to look in her direction.]

[itistolaugh]

Sweet talker.

I'm gonna keep them out most of the weekend, so you'll have things nice and quiet and lonely. Just how you like.

Gonna set up a kennel in the basement, too. You're not using it for anything, are you?

[restingstitchface]

[The question hangs on the air and Crane spends his time deciding how to unhook it with the least amount of discomfort.]

Not anymore.

[Though he actually believes he'll use it again out of necessity, but he doesn't say that.]

[itistolaugh]

[ She drops her eyes back to her comm device and absently pats his leg. ]

You can work around us.

Hey, do you think your sugar daddy would get us a place with a big yard? Like a really big yard.

[restingstitchface]

[He does not answer at first, seemingly still lost in thought about that question.]

No. Besides, there's plenty enough space here.

[itistolaugh]

Aww, you want to keep us!

[restingstitchface]

I do not. I'm housing you as a courtesy.

[He carefully avoids her gaze when he says this, and totally avoids phrasing it a more suggestive way altogether.]

[itistolaugh]

[ She puts her comm away and rests her chin on his thigh, like a loyal dog waiting for master's attention. If he mentioned the parallel out loud, she would bite him for it. ]

You like having me around. I do laundry and take out the trash and pick up groceries.

[restingstitchface]

[He shakes that particular leg she's using as a leaning spot. He doesn't even bother to think about her reaction, just plucks his glasses off his nose for a clean. It's a little harder to spot her hyenas but they're there.]

I suppose you do...

[itistolaugh]

[ Lou perks up at the gesture in case Crane has magically pulled a snack from the air, because Lou is a fatty fat fat. ]

I'm a perfect housewife-- Guest. Guestwife.

[restingstitchface]

Home economist.

[He says correctingly, without any inclination for having any wife of any sort. Then he realises Lou is staring at him and slightly rises a brow.]

Your dog is staring at me.

[itistolaugh]

That sounds like the name of a really boring magazine.

[ She turns her head to see, but doesn't stop using his leg as a pillow, and nudges Lou's beautiful, perfect, giant face with a foot. ]

Lou, who is not a dog, wants to eat your glasses. Don't eat Uncle Johnny's glasses, you big ol' silly-silly!

See? Just give him a shove.

[restingstitchface]

[He jerks when he feels her head reconnect and, once she's finished fussing her poodle, turns his head and gazes down at her. Shove that Him?]

Stop joking with me, Harleen. It's hardly amusing.

[itistolaugh]

[ 1) For once she's not joking, and 2) she's always amusing, how dare you. ]

They're gonna walk all over you and I'm gonna get to say I told you so. Seriously, Johnny, they're just big babies! You'll see.

[restingstitchface]

[Though she has a point, he hardly wants to confess to it. He lifts his right leg and crosses it over his left. Hopefully that'll shake her off.]

You'll all be moving out in three weeks or less. I can wait.