VIDEO; Stop trying to eat your brother.

[itistolaugh]

[Harley smiles and waves at the camera. The room is clearly not her own, for anyone that knows her. Too many books and not enough glitter. In fact, it seems rather Jonathan Crane-esque. That's because it is Jonathan Crane's home, where she's been crashing since the floods in Heropa. She has to speak a little louder than normal to be heard over the strange animal noises in the background.]

Hey, I'm back! And now I've got my sweetie pie big smelly babies with me, yes I do! Say hi, babies!

[She turns the camera to where the "babies" — two fully grown spotted hyenas — are intensely focused on something off-camera, with their tails up and teeth bared. One of them turns briefly to whoop at mommy, and then joins his brother to giggle and chitter toward the top of a bookcase.]

Aren't they just the biggest sillies? They can definitely bite your legs off though, so ask before you pet if you see 'em around. And speaking of biting things, uh...

[The view moves up and focuses on a dark lump on top of the bookcase. The lump is a cat, terrified out of his tiny mind.]

That's Wizkers Khalifa. He's a total sweetheart but really skittish, so I think he should be somewhere quiet where he's the only pet, or at least where nobody is trying to eat him. He's been my buddy for two years, so it's really important that I know he's in a good home, and I want to come over and see him from time to time.

Oh, there's Johnny. Hi, J— Nope, there he goes.

[The camera swings for a glimpse of Crane swiftly leaving the room, before moving back to poor Wiz.]

He's embarrassed of me. Anyway, let me know if you want to meet the cat. Sooner the better.

Comments

[itistolaugh]

They are purebred spotted hyenas, and they ate their papers.

[marriedmedium]

Between you and me, darling, the papers are just for showing off. The purity of their breeding is evident just by looking at them!

[itistolaugh]

Right? They're sooooo handsome! Who would need a dumb ol' paper to be impressed with these sweeties?

[ She says, as in the background Lou puts his head in a trashcan and goes to town. ]

[marriedmedium]

Did you bring them through the porter or acquire them here?

[itistolaugh]

I had them back home! I got ported out for a couple days, and they came in with me this time.

[marriedmedium]

Oh! They must be so happy to be with you again! Of course they say that time stops at home while we're here, and that might be true, but I think beloved pets just know somehow.

[itistolaugh]

Oh, I hope they don't feel like I've left them alone for so long! But we've had to be apart on and off because of ... work... So maybe they didn't think it was weird at all. Anyway, what matters is that we're back together now, and nobody's gonna take my sweet babies away from me ever ever.

[marriedmedium]

Don't you worry, darling, I'm positive they understand that mommy needed to work! They're very intelligent, you know. And now you're a family once more!

[itistolaugh]

D'you think anybody's going to try and take them away? They shouldn't be able to, right, because it's a Porter thing? But zoos get so mad and big animals have such a bad reputation for absolutely no reason and it's not fair.

[marriedmedium]

I can't say for sure, but I'm quite positive you wouldn't let them take your darling babies away. I can just tell you have that mother monster quality.

[itistolaugh]

That is honestly the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me. Thank you.

[marriedmedium]

You're very welcome! Do give them a scratch behind the ears for me, won't you?

[itistolaugh]

C'mere, boys! Say hello to the nice lady!

[She beckons the hyenas over and gives them both a good scratching on their giant predator heads. They melt into happy puddles and make a kind of weird mooing sound of contentment.]

[marriedmedium]

[Sadie beams at the happy sight, giving the 'doggies' a little wave even though it's likely they won't notice her at all.]

Hello, you good boys! Be nice to your mommy now that you're reunited!