1 💣 VIDEO.

[handycapable]

[ The feed turns on to show a blonde, mustached man in a white dress shirt — the sleeves rolled up to his elbows — and blue tie, currently attempting to juggle holding his communicator, lighting a cigarette, and holding his suit jacket in place (slung over his shoulder) all at once, because these are all clearly equally necessary tasks. When he speaks it's with a twangy Southern accent — recognizable as West Virginian to those who would — seemingly not all that perturbed by his situation. Maybe just slightly inconvenienced, but that's all. ]

So… I guess this is pretty weird, but let's be honest— while I may barely know of any of you, I feel like I can still speak for most of us when I say things could easily be weirder. Personally if anything, I feel like it was only a matter of time before I ended up in some alternate dimension... it's like eventually you just reach that stage in life when everything else crazy's pretty much already happened to you, so all you can say is, "Sure, why not?" Makes perfect sense. [ That might just be sarcasm. Although maybe not? An even mixture, probably. ] But the best part is—

[ This is about the point where Ray proves why it can be dangerous to record yourself and walk, because as he starts to cross the street the video suddenly bounces, his communicator flying as he is struck hard by a car, shattering the windshield before he's tossed off the vehicle with a shriek. Oh, not a car; the screen shortly reveals that it was, in fact, an ambulance. Ray can be heard yelling, cursing, and making all sorts of noise as then the ambulance bumps over something -- maybe the curb or maybe Ray himself -- as it moves to pull over. Audio somewhat muffled, he shouts after it: ]

Jeezus! Y'all call that driving?! [ Then, pained and more to himself: ] Dukes. Well that's gotta be some kinda record. But maybe pain's a good sign in this case... okay--

[ He groans from still-mostly-off-screen, straining as he tries to determine if he can still move his legs, let alone get up. ]

Oh, wow, they still work!

[ After Ray's gotten back up to his feet he reaches for his communicator again with his singularly gloved hand, looking surprisingly pleased for a man who was just in a traffic accident. And whose face is bleeding and lacerated by glass, some shards still stuck in it. In the background: sirens, so he's gonna walk... as quickly as he can away from the crash site. ]

All good! I'm good, it’s all good, just a little— [ He cracks his back, hissing in mild discomfort, then exhaling in harsh relief. ] Whew. That's better. Boy though, could that have been ugly… especially since that ambulance sure isn't going anywhere in a hurry now. Some welcome wagon.

Comments

[slightlyoffchilt]

Goodness, you whip out the victim complex quite quickly, don't you?

[musclemothers]

I do if it's accurate! All of my work, put on hold, wrongfully imprisoned, my DNA stolen from me against my will... what part of that sounds just to you?

[slightlyoffchilt]

The part where you entirely whine.

[musclemothers]

That's tone policing!

[slightlyoffchilt]

Well, you deserve tone prison.

[musclemothers]

Are you --

[ Rusty sputters. ]

Are you joking with me right now?

[ THAT'S ALMOST MORE INSULTING!!! THEY'RE NOT FRIENDS!!!! ]

[slightlyoffchilt]

Isn't that what pals do?

[musclemothers]

I don't know, do pals usually go around slandering each other to total strangers?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Yours do.

[musclemothers]

I don't have any pals!

[musclemothers]

[ wait that didn't come out right ]

[musclemothers]

...that do that.

[ NICE SAVE ]

[slightlyoffchilt]

Oh, and what do your pals do? In explicit detail, please.

[musclemothers]

We - we sit around and discuss things like adults, thank you very much! None of this needless sniping.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Uh huh.

You don't have a single friend, do you?

[musclemothers]

Of course I do, you - you ass! Just because some of us are too busy profesionally to go mooning around all over the network doesn't mean we don't have perfectly rich personal lives, thank you very much!

[slightlyoffchilt]

Name one, go ahead. Name one here, and it will be no trouble to confirm your interpersonal connection with them.

[musclemothers]

Fine!

[ He has to think about it, though. Who would call themselves his friend... Jotaro? He's not sure if the man would corroborate it. Sadie? No, no, she's friends with everyone. How about... ]

Dio! My friend, and an upstanding citizen, at that!

[slightlyoffchilt]

Oh yeah? And Dio and you, what do you normally do together? That merits a definition of friendship?