[ Kaneki has no plans on being the one to break it off, of being the one to make the decision. Kaneki avoids making decisions like this, decisions that are important to him, and he often has to be pushed to them. And this time, he certainly expected D33 to be the one to make it - to break it off - because he'd never make it himself.
When he feels D33's lips against his in all of their tenderness he feels like he doesn't deserve any of it. D33 holds his hand and he can only look back at him. Maybe D33 will realize tomorrow or the day after the mistake he made, maybe Kaneki will be pushed away when he realizes what he really meant.
And it's so scary. It's easier to lose him now than later. It's easier now, while d33 still hasn't found out everything that is wrong with him. And yet Kaneki can't say another word, he can't say anything else that would make d33 see it, that would make him push Kaneki away. ]
... I understand. [ and he gives up on trying to get D33 to see. because in the end, kaneki is just a very lonely broken person who is in love and somehow still dreams of being loved too. Despite how much he hates himself, how much Kaneki still goes back to think of death, he loves d33. And he is so lonely, too. ]
... I'm so scared, Dee. [ of losing him, now or later, of not having him, scared of scaring him, scared of showing him what he really is. Kaneki is so, so scared. ]
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When he feels D33's lips against his in all of their tenderness he feels like he doesn't deserve any of it. D33 holds his hand and he can only look back at him. Maybe D33 will realize tomorrow or the day after the mistake he made, maybe Kaneki will be pushed away when he realizes what he really meant.
And it's so scary. It's easier to lose him now than later. It's easier now, while d33 still hasn't found out everything that is wrong with him. And yet Kaneki can't say another word, he can't say anything else that would make d33 see it, that would make him push Kaneki away. ]
... I understand. [ and he gives up on trying to get D33 to see. because in the end, kaneki is just a very lonely broken person who is in love and somehow still dreams of being loved too. Despite how much he hates himself, how much Kaneki still goes back to think of death, he loves d33. And he is so lonely, too. ]
... I'm so scared, Dee. [ of losing him, now or later, of not having him, scared of scaring him, scared of showing him what he really is. Kaneki is so, so scared. ]