UMA HUNTERS, episode 1 (backdated Nov. 8th)

[hombrenuevo]

The boardwalk surrounding Heropa's beach overlooking the beautiful water is crowded with cantinas, tacos, and danger! That's what the crew of UMA Hunters discovered tonight! Rumors of a beautiful voice and a melody without instruments have left both men and women helplessly beguiled on this very boardwalk they once considered home. What could this mean for the citizens of Heropa? Could there be a siren, a mythical creature that tempted sailors to their death, this far from the ocean? I gathered what evidence I could. And based on witness testimony, the siren may look something like this. But that's only the start. This hunt grew even stranger when we caught the siren in the act! Turns out, it was not a siren at all. It was an imPort by the name of Klavier Gavin, rock star extraordinaire. I decided to interview him, so I could separate truth from myth.

---

CHICO Have there ever been claims that your music is supernatural?

KLAVIER Nein, this is the first I've heard of such allegations. Some people have certainly considered my concerts back home as "magical," but they didn't mean it in the literal sense. Occasionally, a fan will thank me for one of my rare impromptu performances. "Oh, it's just what I needed to hear!" "Your voice has changed my life!" That sort of thing. I imagine these siren rumors began in the same spirit, so I will graciously accept them as a compliment.

CHICO So, if you aren't dashing helpless men and women against the rocks, just what do you do?

KLAVIER These days, I moonlight as Herr DJ at the Gesellschaft Techno Terrace in Heropa. It helps pay the bills while I work on becoming a criminal prosecutor. Gesellschaft is actually German for "social relations based on impersonal ties, as duty to a society or organization." True to the club's name, my co-workers and boss have been very supportive of my desire to pursue justice in our community. Anyone looking to lose themselves in a heart-pounding, high-energy atmosphere should dance the night away with us. We'll make sure you have a responsibly wonderful time, ja?

CHICO Are you registered, then?

KLAVIER Well, naturally. While I understand why others choose to remain unsettled, registration made the most sense for my specific circumstances. Law is my true calling in life, you see, and I believe I'll be of most use to both imPorts and natives as a criminal prosecutor for the state. Registration serves as a symbol of my desire to cooperate with the government for the greater good.

CHICO Uh huh. And just what made you decide to swear allegiance to a military that defends capitalist fat cats who take naps on giant stacks of money that crush the backs of our working comrades?

KLAVIER [ At this, a scowl flashes across Klavier's face. They clearly hadn't agreed on including such a loaded question. But it only takes him a second to recover, and he schools his expression back into a polite smile. ] ... You might want to work on your delivery next time, Herr Hunter. In any case, I fail to see how my refusing to register will solve any socio-economic disparities in this country. How much have you read up on the economy here, anyway? Just out of curiosity.

CHICO [ Chico is in the process of opening his mouth to refute Klavier's response when the video suddenly skips. It's obvious there was some censorship choices made by his sponsors. Now it's as if they never even had a potential argument. ] Despite tonight's shocking revelations, do you, Klavier Gavin, believe UMAs are still out there?

KLAVIER Since August, I've been pulled into an alternative universe, woke up with several strange gifts bestowed by the Porter, and have encountered many unusual characters in my short time here. At this point, I'm not entirely sure what I believe anymore. But that's not a bad thing, I've decided. It means I'm open to having my assumptions challenged and learning the truth of things. If UMAs do indeed exist, I'll need you to unearth the evidence, Herr Hunter. [ Finger guns, aw yeah. ]

---

CHICO Okay, that is the show, yes? Right. This show needs your support! If you have any leads on the supernatural, paranormal, or the truly unexplained, please call our 247/ hotline! You might even be interviewed by me, Chico Libre! Hunter extraordinaire!

Comments

WhoTube Comments

[hombrenuevo]

Add a public comment...

[gitarre]

[A native totally linked "another siren sighting", which is just some bystander's video of Klavier's mad air guitar skills. The comment is racking up a lot of likes and generating discussion over whether any bands could recruit this guy.]

WhoTube Comment ID: Weapons Director

[directordisaster]

[ Krennic doesn't even know why he's watching this, only that he doesn't know that one of his new associates in this world has...this. Also, that mad air guitar skills are pretty impressive. ]

I didn't know you had these kind of skills, Klavier.

[[ ooc: Since our thread isn't done yet, feel free to assume that Klavier put two and two together and discover Krennic's alias! It's pretty simple, anyways. ]]

WhoTube Comment ID: The Jammin' Ninja

[gitarre]

[This is pretty much an anonymous account with zero indication of who owns it.]

they say that's his signature move in the courtroom. ✪‿✪ it's like he brought the power of rock with him from home. HEY GOVERNMENT, just let him throw bad guys in jail already!! ╰(✧∇✧)╯

WhoTube Comment ID: The Gavinator

[gitarre]

[In all seriousness, Klavier also has a legit WhoTube account for professional use. Because not long after this episode came out, he got inundated with offers from high-end guitar makers who wanted him to promote their products with "unboxing videos".

Klavier told them he'd think about it, and then put together an account anyway. And now here we are.]

All in a day's work for a rockstar prosecutor, Herr Director.

video;

[nicetouch]

[Remember this guy, Chico? You guys briefly met in London that one time? And it was pretty rad??]

Oh hey! I didn't know you had your own YouT-- I mean, WhoTube show. When did this start?

[hombrenuevo]

It's new. Sort of. I was a lead research assistant for another show. But I didn't like it so much, you know? I couldn't go out into the field and hunt. Like I always wanted.

I guess you could say this was the "pilot" episode.

[nicetouch]

That's awesome. Do what makes you happy, dude!

[And there's no reason not to, with the plethora of options for imPorts.]

Tough luck about the siren stuff, but I still had fun watching it. You're gonna make more, right?

that kitsune face of his FUUUU

[hombrenuevo]

Seriously? You liked it? [ That makes him so happy. ] Yes, I want to! I'm still looking for new leads all around America.

Video ID: Sparrow

[bestpirate]

Lad, I've sailed the Seven Seas and not once has any of those dreadful fishies ever been male.

[Just what is this nonsense here? Jack can't help but laugh some at that crude drawing, especially since he finds it awfully cute. The little lad has spunk, that much is certain. That boy reminds him vaguely of himself as a wee lad but that been ages ago.]

The only merfolk I know are the Sirens graced with ethereal beauty that could send grown men to their deaths in the waters below. Mermaids are dangerous, lad. Very dangerous.

[The pirate chuckles as he sips his rum. 0 days without alcohol,]

The closest to your quarry might be but I'm not much for singing. I can breathe underwater.

[hombrenuevo]

I know that. I've read books, but... All the girls were falling all over themselves about this "melody." I figured, hey, maybe it was an exception to the rule.

[ But uhhh, yeah, not so much. He can't say he isn't a little disappointed it didn't turn out to be a real cryptid. But that's the life of a hunter. ]

Oh yeah? That must be useful. Do you fish or something? How deep can you go? I hear that sometimes the pressure under the water can pop a man's eyes out!

[bestpirate]

[A gentle chuckle escapes the pirate once he hears the lad's explanation.]

It seems as good a reason as any to chase a myth. I know I've done the same in my youth hunting for Sword of Cortés. [He smile widens some.] Do you know of him, lad?

Hernán Cortés de Monroy y Pizarro Altamirano, Marquis of the Valley of Oaxaca was a Spanish Conquistador who led the expedition into the New World. He was a brutal man but a shrewd tactican with a fondness for cursed Aztec gold. Cortés owes his success in routing the Aztec Empire thanks a mythical blade gifted to him by the Devil himself.

[He stops his tale short once the youth asks about his powers. Jack takes a moment to ponder before grinning at the boy with great mischief.]

I have yet to test my newfound abilities, so mayhaps I could? I know I can breathe underwater well enough as if air but I never swam too deep.

I do fish sometimes.

Video;

[lasersounds]

Met a couple of mermaids once--definitely didn't look like that though. Though I guess you could chalk that up to them also being in space and alien...

[He grins though.]

I have a friend that might be into this show of yours though. If it's a regular thing.

[hombrenuevo]

Alien mermaids? How does that work? Does that mean the mermaids from Earth are really aliens from another planet? Maybe they got stranded... Maybe that's what their singing is about, you know? Contacting their people!

[ You just gave this kid a whole new perspective on mermaids. Great. ]

Oh yeah? Is he a hunter, too? I want to make this show a regular thing.

[lasersounds]

Oh dude. Dude. I didn't even think of that. A siren's song could totally be an alien like...mind meld or something. Things I should have asked--might have to ask, actually.

[This is clearly an excellent theory all around.]

I wouldn't say he is one, more like...wants to be? Maybe he was when we were on earth back home. Explains a lot actually. His name is Keith.

video

[h2no]

Chico, your UMA hunting abilities are getting... powerful!!

[he laughs, delighted.]

I heard there's a living tree at Blue's place. It's really nice and gives you berries, could this be the first benevolent UMA??

[hombrenuevo]

.... You mean as opposed to a non-living tree that doesn't bear fruit?

[ DON'T PATRONIZE HIM, ARCHIE!!! ]

[h2no]

...Oh.

[wow he's dumb as fuck sometimes.]

I mean one that has legs and faces and stuff. That moves around and can interact with you.

video

[hellosirs]

Oh! This is like the Bigfoot thing that you mentioned!

video

[gitarre]

Oh? [Hello, Angus. Have an amused Klavier looking into the camera.] What's this about Bigfoot?

[hombrenuevo]

He'd never heard of Bigfoot before! I had to set him straight.

Re: video

[hellosirs]

Chico said a Bigfoot is the missing link between humans and apes, and is also called a Sasquatch or a Skunk Ape sometimes? I guess they live in the woods?

[ He's from a DnD canon where they have dragons and bugbears, this sounds legit to him! ]

audio

[devoutish]

Here, what's the bit that got chopped out? I'm interested in hearing that.

[hombrenuevo]

They censored me! My own show! Censored! It only proves my point! Capitalism is a cancer on the working man!

[devoutish]

Well, now - you can tell me here, can't you?