maskormenace | { 002 } ♔ TEXT

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[ She'll break her month long network radio silence today, though it was never radio silence as she'd been lurking and responding through private conversations. Now she'll address the network as a whole, prepared or not for who might respond. ]

This is a question for everyone, the only exception being those who share with me the same galaxy.

Where you're from, what did you do? Did you live your life freely? Were you in charge of anything or anyone?

For me, there has been nothing but a war. It was all I knew. And now that I'm here, I admit I'm at a loss on what I should do with myself. I feel as though I'm living a quiet life, something I never thought possible. But it feels like a life without direction.

Should I take this time to reflect and relax? How?

It's a difficult concept to grasp when I've been at the front for so long, leading and guiding teams and missions.

[ If this outs her then Leia won't care so much. It's obvious by her involvement back home that she's at the head of the Rebellion. Nothing can come of it here and nothing can come of it back home, from what she's been told. ]

This isn't about being bored. I'm not. I'm simply not used to sitting around as often as I am now. Being left to your thoughts for so long, your thoughts can quicky become your enemy.

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i can't even take a shit up here without it being broadcast and i'm pretty sure he doesn't want to talk to me ... Look, obviously I don't have a leg to stand on re: problems, but if you want to talk about it, I'll listen.

It's probably a good thing then that I don't always watch.

He'll need time. Once he's ready to talk, you should at least apologize. Offer to remain friends, unless that's too much for him to bear.

He brought me flowers.

see this is what i was trying to say from the beginning. and - yeah yeah. that's good advice, to be honest. if i can figure out how to do it without making it worse.

[And he pauses, because, Han bringing flowers - and he knew it had to be Han. His chest squirmed a little weirdly and he frowned at the ceiling, but after all this?

The last thing he wanted to do was get anywhere in the way of that. He hadn't wanted to before, and now even less so.

Leia deserved her happiness.

Han Solo just... better fucking hope he's capable of giving it to her.]

hey, at least you remember him now? sorry, bad joke uh were they nice, at least?

Edited 2017-11-27 06:01 (UTC)

It's not going to get better, Poe. Not yet. You just need to give him time, apologize, be clear of how you feel, and don't string him along.

And, kriff, don't give him flowers. Don't give him anything. It's not good for someone who's been made to be vulnerable.

They were nice, yes. I think...I think Han is trying. In his own way. I don't know what this is but we're both a little ah lost. I guess. Maybe I'm the one who's unsure. I would rather this feel more natural than forced. By forced I mean letting what we know of the future influence anything we decide.

I don't want to agree to anything with him just because we get married and have a son.

We don't have a lot of time here. Friend of mine just disappeared a week ago.

Last thing I want is to disappear and leave him miserable like this. But yeah. Okay. Time, then apologise. I think I can do that.

Yeah, I don't think I'd want to know what the future held for me, that way. I got one glimpse of a possible one from a psychopath fucking with my head and I can't even stop thinking about that, let alone something that is actually real

I guess just... try not to think about that part.

if it makes any difference, i know that's not where he's coming from.

And how do you think it is back home?

Look. This isn't about me. Let's not talk about me or Han or Ben. Let's just focus on what's going on with you.

Back home, you have at least another thirty years. But we're not talking about the future, right? You're the one who tells me all the time that I'm going to get myself killed, so - yeah. Not a lot of difference between here or there, for me. [He can't remember what point he was trying to make? Wait, was he making her point, now? Dammit, Dameron.]

There's nothing going on with me that you and everyone else on the damn planet hasn't seen by now.

I was referring to the war, Poe. Friends disappear all the time. It comes with what we do. The same thing goes for time.

Right, and I'll tell you the same thing here. I'm younger than you, sure, and I'm just a princess right now, but I'm going to be your General sooner or later. Or consider me your General from here on out.

And you think so? Don't group me with the others, Dameron.

Edited 2017-11-28 03:47 (UTC)

[There's a pause, because he wasn't expecting her to mention the General thing again. Was pretty sure that door was closed. But something clenched in his chest - grief? joy? - and he swallowed.]

Alright. General it is. [He shouldn't feel so moved by that, but - damn. It had been a rough few days.]

Sorry. The whole surveillance thing is just making me a little edgy. I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me.

Edited 2017-11-28 03:57 (UTC)

General it is. [ General Organa. She could deal with that. It could be practice for her General days to come. ]

I can't say I blame you. It's too bad you've finally gotten the chance to be up in space and it doesn't seem as wonderful as you remember it to be.

You're not fine. And I do worry about you.

[Better get used to hearing the title every second sentence, Leia.]

That's because it's not the same. This is just a box floating in orbit. It's not going anywhere. I can go outside for about an hour before my tank is out of oxygen and I have to go inside. it's not the same as an x-wing, that's for damn sure Look. There's nothing happening that wasn't a direct result of an idiotic decision or action that I made. I know that I made the bed I'm lying in, General.

We'll get you an x-wing and we'll get you back up in the stars before you know it. For now this is as good as it gets.

You did. That doesn't mean you have you lay too deep in it though.

Don't tease me with impossible miracles, General, or I'll start expecting them. [He can't help but smile a bit. He knew he'd never have an x-wing here - or anything remotely like one. But he was happy to play along with the fantasy for a few seconds.]

Mostly just - trying to do damage control, right now. Not sure if it would be better for me to quietly leave, or if that would just mean he'd get more media attention and start getting harassed about it.

[Is he bitter than he has to think about how the media would respond to this? Yes. Yes he is.]

For someone who believes in hope so much, I can only say the opppsite, and that would be to expect disappointment. It'll sting less that way.

Keep things civil. That's the best damage control you can do for now. Don't give in to what the audience might want for you, that's only going to make things worse for when you return.

why does it feel like hope was a lot easier when i expected to die every day? [It was meant as a joke. At first. But then the queasy feeling in his stomach gave him an answer. Because your death there might have actually meant something.

Oh, good. Like he wasn't miserable enough already. He pushed that idea away hard and fast.]

yeah. pretty sure things on earth aren't going to go so fucking great anyway sorry

[But he was miserable, and he couldn't stop himself, and it's not like the world didn't fucking know anyway:]

have you heard from finn at all he hasn't checked in

[There, that was definitely - impassive? Right?]

[ Leia wishes she could comfort him, even with just a hug, hold his hand or touch his shoulder. An offer to know that she's there for him. Space is so far away. ]

Because hope gave you something to live for. Because if you died, you would miss your X-wing too much.

You have nothing to apologize for. Don't.

I have. He came over to check on me. We spent some time together. I like him.

i do miss my x-wing too damn much leia, you don't understand, it took so long to get that custom paint job perfect best x-wing in the galaxy

[But he doesn't know how to interpret that last snippet of information.

I mean - Finn checking in on her wasn't exactly weird, but it definitely didn't answer the question he desperately wanted to ask.

Could he just ask it? Probably. "Did he say anything about the show?" That would have been easy. Not even necessarily too immediately feelings related. Wasn't half as bad as "did he say anything about me" which was the heart of the matter. But no. Instead, he only said:]

knew you would. you did back home. he's a good man

Who knows. Maybe it'll show up here one day.

And he is. I truly enjoyed his company. He didn't have to come check on me but he did. It was a kind gesture I won't forget.

If it did - oh. I'd be able to talk to it. That would be weird.

He's the best of all of us.

in the resistance, i mean. but he's probably the best of us here, too.

[He breathes out a long sigh.]

But he's okay?

I don't think he likes to talk, when I'm up here

Edited 2017-11-29 16:39 (UTC)

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