💣 012 | audio

[devoutish]

Hello, hello.

[Here is Alfie, 95% less drunk than the last two times he showed up to make a post.]

Right. I've been thinking about other things I may like to do, now I'm shot of the radio show, and I've come to a decision - I'll be doing a podcast. I've done a bit of research. It's not so different from radio, without the fucking middleman of a station breathing down your neck all the fucking time. And proceeds, payment, donations - I'll be taking all of that, for anyone that might like to support the show.

[He's not being too overly ambitious here - the radio show had picked up something of a native cult following due to its weirdness, and between that and the fact that he's an imPort and therefore a celebrity by default, Alfie is reasonably confident that he could talk about drywall for an hour and a core group of people would still tune in to listen and throw money at him (and really, if anyone thinks this podcast will be anything but Alfie rambling on about whatever he feels like talking about that day, they are sorely mistaken). Any donations he gets probably won't be enough to live off of, but they wouldn't need to be; he's not giving up his under-the-table sales jobs anytime soon.]

Now, you lot - you're welcome to offer suggestions of points to discuss. I may even grant interviews. And it'll be a Christmas special; yeah, it'll air on Christmas Day. Very nice; very festive. I don't celebrate the holiday myself and I haven't been invited to any Christmas dinners, so it's the perfect time for it. The first episode's themes will be government incompetence and general floundering, frightful imPort agitation, and dire predictions for the year to come. And if I so much as utter the word "Jedi", may God strike me down where I stand with a fucking lightning bolt; may he just fucking end it all before I can go any further. Thank you.

Comments

voice

[fehus]

Aw, hel yeah.

Do an Oprah's Favourite Things list.

voice

[devoutish]

The fuck is an Oprah?

voice

[h2no]

I'm honestly willing to throw my money at you right off the bat. You have a unique way with words, Mister Alfie.

Let's hope there's no pass-agg dinner invitations in an attempt to silence you, eh?

voice

[devoutish]

"Pass-agg"?

If I get a dinner invitation, that's all right; I'll do this earlier in the day.

Re: voice

[h2no]

Passive aggressive.

Is Christmas not a thing where you come from either? Bein' here is the first I've heard of it.

voice

[devoutish]

No, we've got it. It's an Earth holiday.

Re: voice

[h2no]

Oh! I see.

[well, he won't press. holidays are almost literally things you can pick and chose what to celebrate, so.]

What happened with the radio show?

voice

[devoutish]

I got sick of it, mate, honestly. I didn't like being bandied around by the station, showing up in their advertising. They wanted to put my face on a fucking billboard once.

[Alfie had nixed that idea 100%.]

Re: voice

[h2no]

That's dumb as shit. You're a radio host, what'd they need to see your face for?

[GROAN]

...Maybe one of your topics could be on possible exploitation of imPorts in that regard.

voice

[devoutish]

Tell kids they're gonna be superheroes, then make money off of 'em. Yeah.

permatext

[deadtective]

Honestly, anyone who promises not to say the j-word is worth at least five dollars of my paycheck a week. I don't even fucking care what you talk about.

permatext

[devoutish]

this mnth i will b intrviewng Archie.

[Are you sure you want to text with him, Hazel.]

[deadtective]

[she's heard eldritch beings speak in their true tongue. she can survive this.]

Well, guess you can't always start off with a bang. Ask him about his dog.

[devoutish]

he may tlk abt his dog if he likes ys

[deadtective]

No, no, listen to me. The dog is literally the only thing of worth he has to talk about. Don't let him say anything else.

[devoutish]

what abt t pokimons

[deadtective]

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. The dog.

[devoutish]

pokimons r nt dogs they r litl mnstr thngs. vry difrnt.

voice.

[functusofficio]

I've been hearing about these podcasts, they seem interesting.

I would ask your feelings on government incompetence, but I suspect that would be considered spoiling the premiere.

voice.

[devoutish]

Suppose it would, yeah. But does anyone have positive feelings on government incompetence?

voice.

[functusofficio]

Personally, I'm more interested in the specifics of how people feel they have been failed, and what could be done to change that or improve on it. Anger alone will not provide a solution, but discussion and consideration might.

voice.

[devoutish]

That's a bit too ambitious for my podcast, I think. Yeah.

voice.

[functusofficio]

Why should that be considered ambitious?

voice.

[devoutish]

Because I am a defeatist, when it comes to this. It's been tried many, many times before, and it tends not to go well.

voice.

[functusofficio]

Perhaps it has failed because others have also accepted defeat prior to actually making the effort.