maskormenace | 2nd Choice: Angel TV [Audio/Text]

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2nd Choice: Angel TV [Audio/Text]

[Someone thought it a bright idea to make the resident rebel angel a televangelist. This idea was a very poor one.

One might stumble across this program by zapping lazily or specifically searching for it. Either way, what is seen on TV screens all over on the Christian Channel is what appears to be a constipated man fiddling with the little black microphone someone out of patience has lopsidedly pinned to his trench coat. His hair is an untamed mess and he clearly resisted going into make up a little too much.]

I don't understand why you want me to say my name and greet the camera. Or what you want me to say. [He seems to be very exasperated with whatever poor soul is hovering off camera, trying to get him to do his job.] God? God doesn't care about me, or you, or us. He left.

[Somewhere backstage, the producer thinks he might be very close to a nervous breakdown and gives Castiel instructions via his ear piece. The glare intensifies, but at least he somewhat listens to what he's been told, and wanders over to the speaker's desk. If at all possible, his frown deepens, and he flips a page or two in the book places there.]

Talk about the Bible...? [he mutters, obviously to himself and blissfully unaware of the just what the microphone does. Finally, he squints at the camera.] Uhm. It... contains very many factual errors and mistranslations. Would you prefer I lie to spare human... sentimentality?

[It's at this point that the producer is convinced his soul just threw up a moderate amount. A message about 'technical difficulties' flashes across TVs all over, and a short while later some woman or another appears to announce a slight change in the program, clearly questioning her career choices.]

And now we've reached the Q&A part of our program. The lines are open, please dial the number displayed below to be put through to Castiel with your questions and concerns regarding your faith and your life. Also displayed below is our email address, so feel free to send in more questions and comments that way.

[The camera - reluctantly - cuts back to Castiel, who is currently busy not noticing the camera despite frantic off-camera hand waving, and instead toys reproachefully with an angel figurine. Someone put him in a chair next to a table holding several religious pamphlets, as if by sitting the angel down, this catastrophe can somehow be salvaged.

Here's a hint: It's almost completely impossible for this to improve in the way the show runners would like.]

[ooc: Feel free, if you don't want your character to contact Castiel on the TV show, to contact him later via the regular Network, just let me know in your header!]

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[Sam had caught some of the earlier broadcast. He'd nearly choked on his drink when he'd heard it. Watching the rest of it was like watching a train wreak in action. It was painful, and yet he couldn't look away.]

[He's a religious studies research assistant, though. This was ENTIRELY for research purposes. Really.]

[It's not until later, after the show has finished for the day, that Sam sends a message to Castiel.]

So. That was probably the dumbest thing I've ever seen the government do. And I hear they made Balthazar a substitute elementary school teacher.

[Gabriel had caught it, he knows how to check tv listings and expects it to be horrifying and hilarious. Which it was, right up until the mention about God leaving, at which point Gabriel chokes on his coffee.

You can't say that!

The rest gets a few chuckles here, but the whole thing still sits uneasy with Gabriel.]

It's not about lying to preserve sentimentality, Castiel. It's about bringing hope to people at the expense of your own. Even I know that much.

[ Castiel rubs his temple, not quite certain whether he has a headache or is just annoyed.

It was a nightmare of a day, and he misses when things were as simple as just stabbing the closest demon. ]

Balthazar is good with the children.

[ Balthazar, it seems, has remembered their original purpose - shepherds, not enemies. ]

Why let them keep hoping? If there's anything I've learned this past year, it's that we are well and truly on our own.

[ He left. He doesn't want to help. He chooses not to.

Castiel spent months searching the world for Him, dying for His favored children, and in the end He didn't care one way or another. Why pretend otherwise? ]

[As one of the few beings that has actually stood in God's presence, Gabriel can understand where Castiel is coming from. But this is heavenly politics, not something humans need to know about.]

Maybe. But that's not your place to tell them, or to make the choice to take that hope away.

They asked me to speak about God. I see no point in obscuring the truth from them.

[ Or maybe it's bitterness. Maybe despite his years and despite the battles he's fought, Castiel has just always been a child looking for his father, and never found out how to deal with the wound left behind by the realization that his father doesn't care. That his hope was futile and foolish.

He once told Dean he believed God was out there, and that God was their only hope to save mankind. He feels betrayed for ever having put his faith and trust and blind servitude in this entity that created him. ]

[Just rubs his forehead. Augh, why does he have to be the adult here? This? This was why Gabriel never returned to Heaven, because it would involve responsibility. And now in Heropa, he just can't avoid it. Well, he can, but that's not the point. Last thing anyone needs is Castiel's bluntness. Television stations would melt.]

Castiel, I keep forgetting you're still young. It is not your right to tell people that. I think you forget that they're not all Hunters that can fend for themselves.

All the more important that they don't think someone will save them who stopped caring about any of us long ago.

[ He crosses his arms. Yeah, way to look like a petulant child. But really, Castiel is just all kinds of unhappy with the topic, with the job he's been given. ]

I can't tell them He cares and watches over them, when I know different, Gabriel. I know humans lie to get what they want, but I don't see the point in securing my living that way.

Yeah, cause what you're doing is saying "hey, that thing that helps you strive to be better every day? Isn't there, too bad!" and leaving them alone with nothing. Not the nicest thing to do, Castiel.

Look, I get it. Just find another job or something if you can't tell a white lie to help people along the way. No big deal.

How does that help them, Gabriel?

[ It didn't help him. He wishes, in retrospect, that he had just believed Raphael in that at least. It might have allowed him to put the energy and belief of knowing into finding other ways to help.

Or he'd have given up right away.

Castiel averts his eyes, not wanting to admit that Gabriel has a point, but not feeling comfortable with the lie that's hurt him so badly, too. ]

Nu uh. I'm not going to sit and hold your hand through this one, Castiel. If you want to know, then figure it out for yourself. Go spend some time at church on a Sunday or something, and actually watch people for a change.

[Will stare Castiel down on this any day.]

[ He should know better than to ask his big brother and expect answers, but it's a difficult habit to break. Angels tend to defer to their higher authorities by default, and come what may, as an archangel Gabriel is just that. It's frustrating to run against another impenetrable, cold wall there. ]

You've done that for centuries, and decided your time was well spent "creatively" punishing individuals.

[ And yes, he does the air quotes. ]

Excuse you, don't you air quote at me.

[Castiel has definitely spent way too long with the Winchesters. Air quotes today, who knows what tomorrow.]

One; don't talk down to me, Castiel. Two; don't mock what I do. And three; that's why I know more than you, idiot. Go spend a day in church, with people, and listen to what they got to say.

Or are you a chicken?

I'm an angel.

[ Is he serious, or is that the strange humor he's started developing? Hard to impossible to tell.

But as far as the Winchesters go... Next stop on his learning curve would be 'how to make really poor decisions, keep them secret and hurt everyone you ever loved'. Hey, he's already mastered 'how to bark until others bite you 101'.

At least his prissy attitude seems to fade out a little, reluctantly, because apparently provoking archangels has become something of a hobby, though his jaw remains clenched.]

Is this genuine advice, or are you not done with your Siberia project?

[Just rolls his eyes. Gabriel knows that he sometimes forgets just how moronic angels can be.]

Siberia was over and done with the moment that discussion ended. It's genuine advice. Go do that, then come back and tell me how it goes.

Well, that's good.

[Not that he came off as the kind that got on with children to Sam, but who knew?]

To be fair, that may not have been the best way to handle things. Though I can certainly understand the impulse.

I've been... made aware. They don't wish to continue my employment unless I perform in the "proper" fashion.

[ Castiel looks frustrated. ]

It's the truth. We know that.

It's the truth back home. Here could be a different story. [Unlikely, maybe, but it could be.] And even if it is...some people need to believe.

I mean, I'm all for discrediting the Bible as much as you can. People take that way too seriously. But for some people, their belief is all they have keeping them going.

[ So moronic.

Castiel looks mildly surprised - he's spent too much time with humans, who hold grudges in ways no angels - other than Lucifer and Michael, maybe - do. It doesn't sit well that Gabriel tricked him and laughed at him, the mockery needling somewhat at his pride. But then... He has been able to let the fact go that Gabriel played rough with him before, and he's reconciled with Balthazar in the mean time. Plus, warning aside, nothing bad has happened, of course.

Cold and laughter aside, that is.

Castiel looks like he wants to argue for a moment longer, but ultimately decides it's hardly worth it. Not when Gabriel still has the powers to make his life truly miserable. Or worse, that of Sam and Dean. ]

Do you go to church, Gabriel?

[ Castiel knows what that feels like. He faltered when his faith was ripped to shreds. ]

They should find something better to believe in, then.

[ Because God... It breaks Castiel, but God is not the source of comfort he believed Him to be, either. ]

[There's a brief flash of surprise at that question, Gabriel taking a split second to cover it with his usual smirk. Yes, he goes to church on occasion, just to sit in the back and listen to the stories with some amusement. And sometimes the atmosphere of a good church can take the stress from his shoulders too. Not that he'll be admitting that out loud, knows what Lucifer and other people would think of it.]

I only go to church when I want to torment the clergy. Or if Balthazar is chasing the nuns again.

[Sam shakes his head.]

I know you don't get it, but...even after everything we learned, everything we went through, I'm not mad at your dad. I mean, the whole thing was pretty shit, honestly, but the only way things could have ended as well as they did was if your dad wasn't around.

[Yes. Sam's had to do a lot of thinking about this. A lot. Even before he said yes.]

[ At this, at least, a small smile flits across Castiel's face and disappears quickly, as if it's taken him by surprise. ]

That does sound like the two of you.

[ There aren't many overly fond memories he has of Heaven at large, but he remembers some of the antics they all got up to.

He thinks of Siberia again, looks at Gabriel, and finds that he understands. He can be thickheaded and stubborn to a fault in many things, but Castiel isn't inherently frustrating the way Dean is. He tries not to be human and hold a grudge. And truth be told, he understands the "punishment". Doesn't like that Gabriel laughed at him, but understands, and is glad that at least one of them can find ways to amuse himself despite future doom hanging over them at Castiel's hands.]

I've been very preoccupied with the Apocalypse back home. It might be nice to abandon my purpose and observe the race we died for.

[He not only did it as a punishment, but to give Balthazar some breathing space, since said angel was off getting drunk at the time. All in all it's worked out somehow, the archangel brushing off the comment about the two of them.]

Shame on you Castiel. You're not abandoning your purpose, it's on hiatus here. You can't fulfill it, so just learn some shit here and take it home with you or something. Either way, there's no Heaven or Hell here, so you won't be struck down by a divine bolt from the blue because you forgot to tie your shoelaces.

I thought I fulfilled it when Lucifer killed me, I'll admit.

[ It doesn't bother him that he died, not really. Castiel always considered their mission to be suicide. The only thing that matters is that it's successful - although it does fill him with a strange mixture of satisfaction and dread that he'll apparently be revived even back home, only to go down darker paths. ]

I have no need to tie my shoelaces, Gabriel. The lack of Heaven is... strange, but not being hunted anymore has its upsides.

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2nd Choice: Angel TV [Audio/Text]

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