1 🇺🇸 VIDEO. → ( forward-dated to 5:30 AM )

[thirdstrike]

[ The feed turns on to show what looks like-- well, a phone screen. It's 5:29 AM and Carl is "helpfully" holding his own cellphone up to the communicator screen, so that when it rolls over to 5:30, the network is treated to the loud blare of his bugle alarm. ]

Rise and shine, motherfuckers.

[ He lowers his phone, smirking into the screen now. Carl's dressed in a dark grey sweatsuit and looks entirely too bright-eyed and energetic for someone awake this early in the morning... and yet he is, and is thus now generously sharing the wealth. His thumb swipes over his phone screen to shut the alarm off, and then he sets it aside. ]

Don't worry, I'll keep this quick. [ Unless you live with him, in which case you're likely to start hearing that fucking alarm every single day at this same time. ] Know at least a few of you out there are probably hungover, too, as if it's not a fucking Thursday morning, but that's your problem-- can't expect me or any other functioning members of society to really give a shit, now can you? Fuck no.

[ Carl props the communicator up now so it continues recording, trained on him, but he's hands-free to step away for a second to put coffee on. ]

Now I already more or less got the run-down about this place, so I'll just cut to the chase before everyone falls back asleep: name's Carl Gallagher, and like I assume most of you, I turned up here with empty pockets and fuck all else to my name except the clothes on my back. Not here bitching about it, either, just figured I should pimp my hustle before I leave the house.

[ He turns on the stove burners to start readying breakfast for himself and his housemates, disappearing for just a couple seconds to find a skillet, which he then proceeds to crack four eggs into; even if he's woken up everyone in this poor house, at least they'll have food waiting for them while Carl's out on his morning run. ]

Looks like they hooked me up here helping to teach self-defense, which I'm fucking great at so if anyone needs a lesson, hit me up. I'll teach you shit you can only learn on the streets otherwise, so whether you wanna try bare-handed or learn how to use a weapon, I don't give a fuck. One-on-one? No problem either. Offer's open to all ages, affordable rates, and I'm even willing to negotiate payment plans-- just remember: Carl Gallagher. Satisfaction guaranteed every time.

You got any more questions just holla at me, we can talk more. [ And with that, he takes the list back and tips the camera a two-fingered salute, signing off. ] Later.

Comments

video;

[flowerette]

[ Hey. Raina's up anyway. And getting ready to go for a run from the looks of it. Healthy living! ]

And what qualifies you to teach self-defense? A black belt in some form of martial arts? Many drunken bar fights? What style are people going to learn from you?

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[thirdstrike]

Well, I don't have any kind of fancy credentials, if that's what you mean-- but I figure a semester at military school plus a lifetime of living in the fucking ghetto adds up to way more practical experience than most of the preachy new age shitstains in this business.

[ What style? He considers that, but only for a second. ]

Style is "anything goes." It's self-defense, why fucking limit yourself?

text;

[blacktemper]

[when does Hiei ever sleep? it's starting to get a bit difficult to tell.]

are we required to pay even if your services are lacking

text;

[thirdstrike]

[ What kind of a question...... then again, he did say "satisfaction guaranteed," so Carl actually considers his response before firing off a knee-jerk reply. ]

lacking how

but tell u wut
if ur not happy with ur first lesson then ok i'll refund it
anything after that tho tuff shit
offering a pretty flexible range of options here, if u cant make sumthing work thats not on me if u stick around

video

[fehus]

Dynamic entry, Carl Gallagher, Satisfaction Guaranteed Every Time.

[also up and making breakfast, though in his boxer shorts and a t-shirt, Magnus then responds with his own cool downloaded mp3]

-- Welcome to this universe, I guess. I can ask around at the gym I work at, if anybody's looking for self-defense lessons.

video

[thirdstrike]

Fuck--

[ Carl was about to respond more eloquently than that, but. Well. Instead he first winces violently at the sound of the airhorn, brows scrunching tightly at the center of his forehead before they relax and raise in unison. ]

The fuck was that for? Asshole...! [ Then, back in... "professionalism" mode...: ] And thanks. Appreciate the word-of-mouth, I'm gonna need it 'til I can actually build up my reputation-- I know people around here got these superpowers, but there's nothing wrong with learning the old-fashioned way, too. Just in case, right?

Text; UN: D33

[d33tached]

You consider yourself to be proficient in the ways of self-defense, do you?

[Bet.]

[thirdstrike]

fuck can u read? think i sed fucking great didnt i
the hells proficient?

voice > video

[gentrify]

Shut the fuck up, dickweed, it's ass o'clock in the goddamn morning.

[ it's half shouted, half muffled through mickey's pillow as he answers carl's hail to the network. give him a few seconds to get his ass up and rewind this message to figure out what the shit it actually said, aside from "hi, I'm carl, and I'm already ruining your day".

a moment or so later, mickey's face pops into the screen, still looking mostly asleep, but present. ]

Any bitch can learn how do fight on the streets, just a matter of getting your ass kicked enough to finally fuckin' learn something.

[thirdstrike]

Fuck, Mick, it's already 5:35.

[ Said in a casual "hi, I'm Carl and I know I'm already ruining your day!" tone of voice, naturally. Anyway! ]

No shit anyone can, but you know as well as I do most people'd rather just pay someone to kick their ass safely in the comfort of some fancy gym than get it kicked for free in a bad neighborhood. Might as well at least be one of us making a buck off it. [ Carl takes a sip of his coffee, not quite out the door yet. ] If I head over soon, think you'll be up?

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[hardcut]

are you from mickey's universe

text

[thirdstrike]

?
yeah wut gave it away
how u know mickey?

[action]

[cigarbribery]

[God help Foggy Nelson, because he has long since gotten out of the habit of waking up at what-the-fuck-o'clock in the morning, so when the bugle alarm blares he falls off his bed with an unholy shriek. He's lucky he hasn't broken anything on the way down, but his bedsheets are tangled up now. Disentangling himself from them costs about five minutes, finding and putting on clothes maybe ten minutes, and then he blearily staggers out of the bedroom with a slightly dead-eyed look.

He looks at Carl. Looks at the eggs.]

Was that your alarm? [He sounds more indignant than pissed off.] Have a little mercy on some of us, I was out half the night following up on someone's insurance claim.

[action]

[thirdstrike]

[ Sorry Foggy... well, Carl isn't really sorry. He just looks at Foggy, raises an eyebrow, then taps at his skillet with a spatula. ]

How do you want your eggs? Just in time, I only put 'em on like five seconds ago. Coffee's about ready, though. [ He points with the same spatula. ] Sorry but I gotta keep up a routine. Up at 5:30, day starts at 6-- not about to let myself go soft just cuz I'm stuck in the Twilight Zone.

[ Which, without coming out and saying it, sounds kind of like "Sorry but tough shit, have you considered getting used to it?" ]

What happened, someone trying to pull a fast one or what?

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[fingerchewing]

Pimp my hustle...?

[ ...is said in a questioning whisper. Nothing about that sounds legit, but she's in no position to be choosy. ]

I have super strength now, and no idea how to use it. Could you help me with that?

video;

[thirdstrike]

That's right-- "pimp" as in advertise, "hustle" as in racket. Means I'm getting the word out, babe.

[ There's a pause as he considers her question, but it's brief. ]

Never done it before, but sure, I'm up to it. What kinda help you think you need?

[video]

[littlemissfutility]

[Several hours later--though still in the morning--coming from a girl with rumpled hair, bright pajamas, and a mildly curious look on her scarred face.]

What kind of weapons?

[video]

[thirdstrike]

[ She's cute in a way Carl tries not to notice, a few hours later after he's changed from his sweatsuit into a camo t-shirt. ]

Right now I can offer instruction on knives, firearms, and blunt objects-- but if I learn anything else myself, I'll make sure to add it to the list. You interested?

Video

[viced]

[ Actually responding at 5:30. Because what's sleep. ]

Any way you can market that energy</em?, while you're hustling those other skills? I've never met someone this...exuberant this early.

Video

[thirdstrike]

Really, never? No one? 5:30's not even that early. All it takes is a little discipline... plenty of sleep, exercise, nutrition...

Can't exactly market it, but I could probably teach it if there's interest. Only really took me a couple months.

[ Video ]

[ghoulking]

I assure you, there is a LOT to your name now. [ you are a hero, kid ]

You seem very confident you can teach super-powered people to fight. Is it something you do normally?

[ Video ]

[thirdstrike]

Nope. Never. [ Said casually as anything. ] But I'll usually try anything at least once.

[ He sounds confident enough, at least. Carl takes a slow drink from his coffee cup, eyebrows furrowing slightly. ]

A lot of what? Bullshit? You can't just wake up one day and decide to call yourself a hero, title like that's totally meaningless until we actually earn it.

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[beaky]

My, aren't you colourful in your speaking?

Just to clarify, you do realise people can be hungover on a Thursday and still be a functioning member of society too?

[Speaking as someone currently hung over and still running a business, just thought he'd stand up for his kind - functioning alcoholics.]

text

[thirdstrike]

sure i realise the fact of it
i also know that historicly its mostly a mith
even if ur functioning now that shit caches up to u eventualy
likor + responsibilty just dont mix well

wut do u mean by colorful

video

[h2no]

[just a video of the two mightyenas going absolutely bananas at the sudden sound of the bugle alarm. jumping around the living room, howling, generally sounding and looking really fucking excited about that trumpet.

a couple minutes later, a text:] thanks
think you got the neighbours up too.

video

[thirdstrike]

[ Oh, he's laughing about that. He doesn't know if the text is sarcastic or not, but he also doesn't really care, so. ]

Hey, no problem! Happy to be of service. [ Lifting his phone: ] How about another hit?

video.

[songwrite]

[Archie is also getting up for a morning run before school at the crack of dawn for no discernible reason, not that the bugle is particularly pleasant regardless, but he perks up at the end.]

What kind of weapons?

[He's been thinking of carrying, like, a bat or something around.....]

video.

[thirdstrike]

[ Carl grins, biting into a piece of toast as he gets ready to finally step outside for his own run. Ah, weapons. One of his favorite subjects. ]

Firearms, knives, and blunt instruments for now-- baseball bats, crowbars, tire irons, that sort of thing. You got a preference?