Text;

[satsujinki]

Has anyone seen a street coffee machine around this place? I don't always want to go into a shop for it and I've gotten used to the canned varieties.

If you could toss me an address, I'd appreciate it.

Comments

[crab]

WHY DON'T YOU JUST BUY YOUR OWN COFFEE MACHINE???

[satsujinki]

The canned sort.

I prefer that type over the other. Don't ask me why.

[crab]

I HAVE SEEN SOME REALLY INANE COMPLAINTS BROADCASTED TO THIS AND OUR PREVIOUS NETWORKS
BUT BITCHING ABOUT THE CONTAINER YOUR COFFEE COMES IN HAS TO BE SETTING A NEW RECORD.
SUCK IT UP AND DRINK YOUR "CUPPED" ESPRESSO, LOSER.

[satsujinki]

I asked where there were vending machines for coffee--

Not 'Please, can some idiot spam me in all caps?'

[crab]

YEAH WELL WE CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT, CAN WE.
ANYWAY I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY VENDING MACHINES FOR COFFEE SO IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE SHIT OUT OF LUCK TIMES TWO.

[satsujinki]

Could you stop doing that? It makes me feel embarrassed to actually try to talk to you normally.

I don't know if you're being serious or not.

[crab]

STOP DOING WHAT??? FUCK, I'M NOT EVEN *TRYING* TO TROLL YOU, DUDE. TIME TO GROW A THICKER SKIN.

[ Everyone is embarrassed to talk to Karkat, caps or no caps. ]

[satsujinki]

Listen, how about you just try to use some lower-case letters?

Give it a shot and let me see how it turns out.

[He just doesn't understand cultural differences.

Also, Shiki's a jerk, too.]

[crab]

[ Learn some cultural sensitivity, Shiki. ]

OH MY GOD, YOU'RE SERIOUSLY ON MY CASE ABOUT MY QUIRK?
OK NO I'M NOT GOING TO TRY TO USE SOME LOWER-CASE LETTERS.
SEE, THIS MAY COME AS A SHOCK TO YOU, AS IT COMES AS A SHOCK TO ALMOST EVERYONE I REVEAL IT TO, BUT I'M NOT HUMAN. MY CULTURE IS NOT HUMAN.
AND MY WAY OF TYPING IS LINKED TO SAID INHUMAN CULTURE AND I FIND YOU TELLING ME NOT TO USE IT DEEPLY OFFENSIVE AND TROLL RACIST, JUST FYI.
BESIDES YOU SHOULD SEE GAMZEE'S OLD QUIRK. NOW THERE'S AN EYESORE.

[ And he wonders why the human kids didn't believe he was an alien for years. ]

[satsujinki]

I'm going to get a headache from this.
I don't know what cliche you're violating with this weird act, but it's definitely one that's rarely touched.
Am I supposed to believe that aliens are naturally this uncouth?

[crab]

DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT HEADACHES. DO NOT EVEN START. MY ENTIRE LIFE UP TO THIS POINT COULD BE SUMMARIZED AS ONE LONG SLOWLY INTENSIFYING MIGRAINE.
IMAGINE A RAILROAD SPIKE BEING EVER SO GENTLY DRIVEN THROUGH YOUR SKULL.
THE ONLY ONE VIOLATING A CLICHE HERE IS YOU. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW OLD THE "BUT YOU CAN'T BE AN ALIEN!" ROUTINE HAS GOTTEN. I HAVE DONE THIS DANCE SO MANY TIMES IT'S WORN MY FEET DOWN TO RAW, BLOODY STUBS, I'M NOT ABOUT TO GO THROUGH IT AGAIN.
JUST SHUT UP AND CONSIDER THIS:

[ And he quite abruptly switches to video. ]

You don't even know the meaning of "uncouth." As far as my species goes, I'm being downright courteous, and you are shitting all over my gesture of goodwill.

text;

[satsujinki]

[Alright, so he's an alien.

That doesn't make him less of a jerk, to Shiki. It just means he's not quite a liar.]

You're definitely not the first guy I've met to give me migraines.
The guy who put the thought of canned coffee into my head in the first place could be classified as my worst headache yet.
Anyway, I get that you could be telling the truth that your behavior is reminiscent of kindness by somebody's standards in 'parallels', but that doesn't mean I should consider it as kindness, myself.
'It's not so bad' is a terrible advertisement!

text;

[crab]

[ Shiki's assessment is pretty accurate, on the whole. Satisfied that his species' existence isn't going to be called into question, Karkat returns to texting. ]

OK FINE, SURE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO CONSIDER IT AS COURTESY, YOURSELF
BUT I ALSO DON'T HAVE TO CHANGE TO SUIT WHATEVER YOU THINK IT *SHOULD* BE.
THE "I DON'T HAVE TO" THING WORKS BOTH WAYS.

text;

[satsujinki]

Is a conversation between two species supposed to begin so begrudgingly?

text;

[crab]

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME WHEN I FIRST DISCOVERED HUMANS.

video;

[fraternalism]

Copper sulphate, powdered zinc and anhydrous calcium chloride are three reasons why you should buy a coffee machine.

text;

[satsujinki]

Just because I prefer it doesn't mean I necessarily enjoy it.

If I wanted to drink coffee the healthy way, I'd get the machine.

video;

[fraternalism]

If I remember right, I do recall one of my aides drinking a can of coffee from one of the larger coffee chains.

text;

[satsujinki]

They sell them everywhere these days, so I wouldn't be too surprised.
I feel like I've heard that drinking coffee can be a sign of adulthood, but I'm not that eager to be one.

video;

[fraternalism]

Someone lied. Drinking coffee is nothing more than a bad habit formed around caffeine. No-one likes the taste of it, they drink it because they have cold sweats when they don't.

video;

[satsujinki]

I could name worse habits to have.

Though, I don't think I'd notice the cold sweats from caffeine addiction any more than the ones I normally get.

Voice

[viced]

Why in the flying fuck would you want to drink canned coffee?

Text;

[satsujinki]

It's masochism. Can't we settle for that?

permavoice

[viced]

Apparently! I thought drinking it black was bad enough, but that sounds terrible.

[satsujinki]

I always thought doing things like drinking coffee was stupid and meaningless, because it was always an argument of cost and benefit, but...

I don't know. I tried it awhile ago and decided to stick with it. Maybe my complaint is that this country doesn't seem to enjoy ported vending machines nearly as much as mine.

[viced]

We're a fast food nation, not a vending one. You may as well just stock up in a grocery store, the most you'll find in vending machines here are candy, soda, and potato chips.

[satsujinki]

Wonderful. I'm not exactly eager to start stocking up on anything when I'd rather not stick around in this humid vacation spot.

[viced]

Hey, that's your choice, but you're going to have to make the choice -- coffee or no caffeine.

I know which one I'd pick.

[satsujinki]

It really depends on how stubborn I am, then.

What an unreliable gauge.

[viced]

Eh, you learn to live with uncertainty. Not everything is going to be easy to predict, like how long you're stuck in this humid state.

[satsujinki]

You're right. I guess the least I can do is be thankful I've got air conditioning.

Though, should I expect it to always be this nice? I don't plan on going along with that plan of theirs. If we're on the side of 'good', that must mean we're this country's 'heroes', right?

[viced]

This nice? Oh no, normally it's hotter than hell here. I hope you don't mind getting a sunburn or two. It's like the sun's beating through a magnifying glass out here.

text;

[gandere]

They don't really have those here.

[ What an unusually helpful answer. ]

text;

[satsujinki]

That's what I've gathered.

It seems like the city's losing out on a good source of revenue.