[Video]

[aka_pistachio]

[Fade in on a young woman, looking up slightly. The angle highlights her overlarge eyes and long nose in an awkward way, because while the shot is well-framed she's not quite so accomplished at actually working the angles of her own particular face. Her expression is overly serious, with an edge of bewilderment that she is very much trying to conceal.]

Ok. So. I'm here, now. Along with all of you. So I don't have to explain how fucking weird all this shit is to you guys, right? Like, you've all gone through this.

So I'll just cut to the part where I did not have like, fucking, superpowers? Before I got here? Like, that just wasn't a thing where I'm from? And now I have these like, abilities and I don't fucking know what to do with this. I keep making cop radios play NWA which is fucking funny as hell but I think I should probably be like, practicing this shit? And also maybe finding more like, actual useful uses for it?

Anyway if you have any advice, I'm all ears. Or if you know of a "I used to be a normal person now I have to deal with this shit" kind of support group or anything that would be cool. Also how do I get these randos to leave me the fuck alone because I'd really like to be able to get like, a fucking cup of coffee without strangers wanting selfies with me. This shit is weird.

Comments

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[burger_king]

Yeah, that's going to take some time getting used to. The powers, the randos, the whole package. I've been here a month and I'm still not used to it.

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[aka_pistachio]

I'm just hoping if I keep my head down they'll get bored and focus on somebody more exciting ASAP.

[burger_king]

It works for awhile. Glaring works better if you want to get rid of them, except then they just resort to taking pictures from a distance.

[aka_pistachio]

Oh fuck that. I've seen tabloids before. I'm not going to get stalked with a telephoto lens when I'm at the beach.

[ She sighs. ]

What do you do here? I got assigned a music teaching gig but I'm not really good at teaching.

[burger_king]

Waiter at a dessert place. It doesn't pay well, but at least I get to do a job I hate. [ All the power to people who can work jobs like these. It's just not for him. ]

I'm looking into getting something else. It's apparently not too difficult, but on top of figuring out everything else... [ It's A Lot. ]

[aka_pistachio]

Do you get to take home the day-olds or anything? My brother worked at a bakery for a while and we lived on half-stale bagels for weeks. Til he got canned, anyway.

And yeah one of these other guys told me it wouldn't be hard to find another gig. I'm just trying to take this one step at a time. Getting assigned a place was nice but there's some weird people living in the apartment so I'm thinking first order of business is find another place to live.

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[heisenbitch]

Blasting cop radios with Fuck Tha Police and pissing 'em off with Straight Outta Compton album roulette seems like pretty good practice to me.

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[aka_pistachio]

It's definitely fun as shit. [ She shrugs and grins. ] But I kinda feel like there's probably more shit I could be doing? I just don't know how to like. Test it, you know?

[heisenbitch]

Guessing it's like a radio manipulating power, or...?

[ Or is there more to it? ]

[aka_pistachio]

[ She shakes her head, a little lost. ]

Dude I haven't even had this for a full week. I have no fucking clue how this works. I guess I could try like, I dunno. fucking with receivers and see what does what?

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[doitforthevibe]

Sudden superpowers can be weird to get used to, I know. [ He had to deal with a lot of that back home. ] If you ever want someone to run some tests with, let me know and I'll help you out.

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[aka_pistachio]

Hey, Cisco! You would? Dude that would be awesome.

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[doitforthevibe]

Hey, Kelly Ann. Yeah, I mean, I have experience with this kind of thing, from before here, even. So I'm probably uniquely qualified to help out.

[ He fake-preens a little. ]

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[aka_pistachio]

Oh my God you're a fucking lifesaver. Again. I swear I'm not usually a fucking distressed damsel but this has been a distressing week.

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[doitforthevibe]

Hey, don't worry about it. Not everyone jumps to parallel Earths regularly.

[ Implying that some people do...? ]

What I mean is, it's totally excusable. Don't even stress.

[quickfingers]

Welcome to the world of ImPorts.

Believe me, if you think it's bad now? Try being a two time reality TV show loser with the world's most noticeable aesthetic. I can't even do my old job anymore without a selfie every five steps. OK this sounds like humble bragging but all I'm saying here is: It Gets Worse, but if you hide your tattoo and don't do freaky shit in public sometimes you can blend right in?

Unless you've got like six eyes or something. Anyway, cop cars? NWA? You can make shit play? Dude, that sounds like an ace power.

[aka_pistachio]

So what you're saying is I should definitely NOT do anything you do. And probably not hang out with you in public.

Yeah like. If it's some kind of AV thing I can like make it play shit. That's what I've figured out so far, anyway.

[quickfingers]

yeah, pretty much. I'm a beacon for attention? but I'm also cool so if you don't wanna hang with me you're missing out? Clearly.

Ughh, why couldn't I get something cool? I didn't get shit. I only have what I had back home. Which is bogus.

[aka_pistachio]

I said I can't hang out in public. Unless you're so hunted by the paparazzi that they'd find me and make into some kind of fucking secret romance bullshit. Which would completely ruin my "be totally uninteresting" plan.

So wait are you complaining because you don't have powers or because you didn't get extra powers because one is way more bullshit than the other.

[quickfingers]

oh man, yeah - I don't need any secret romance rumors. I feel there are more than enough of those out there and thankfully? only one so far is with an inanimate object. (that's a joke.)

but uhhhh is something you're born with technically a superpower? mutations are just mutations.

[battysitter]

Pretty sure most of us didn't deal with any of this crap back home.

[aka_pistachio]

Most of the crap I dealt with back home was courtesy of my brother. So yeah this like, on a whole fuckin' new level, you know?

[battysitter]

[ he dealt with some demonic crap from another universe, but Steve just pretends that didn't happen because that's the healthy approach. ]

Inter-dimension kidnapping and sudden superpowers - yup, all on a new level.

What did your brother do?

[aka_pistachio]

Word.

[ She laughs dryly. ]

A little bit of everything. But of all the dumb shit he did, what landed him in court was his fucking "guitarden" that he completely forgot to take care of and then ignored all the summons about.

He's been dealing since we were twelve but somehow it's the fucking guitarden that brings him down.

[battysitter]

guitarden?


Like a Den of Guitars?