001 - VIDEO

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[There's the sound of some fumbling with the communicator as someone struggles to get the thing oriented and recording. For a moment, there's a flash of one giant, emerald green eye close up to the lens as the owner inspects the device.]

Is this...is this thing on? Is it recording...? Gods dammit...how the hell...

[More fumbling. Then another voice offscreen can be heard: 'Hey boss, you want me to show you how to--']

No. Look, I got this. Go over there and finish checking the inventory and let me--

[Finally, he manages to get the comm aligned and recording. The blue haired newcomer looks absolutely exasperated.]

Okay, I think I've got it. Anyway, I'm not sure who all can see this? But I'm having some issues here. Now, I, for one, am glad that I was provided employment upon working here. I kinda wish it was more in my field, but hey, beggars can't be choosers, am I right? I've run a shop before. I know business. I know how to sell. I can sell a full set of plate mail to an eighty year old wind mage. My point? I can do this job. Here's the problem:

[Darin tilts his comm to show his store, namely the Thot Topic in Nonah that he has been given management of. The store is in great shape and people are shopping and being helped by the staff. But over by the entrance there stands three seemingly disaffected teens. Two girls and a guy, and they are all taptaptapping away at their phones.]

Can someone explain to me what the hell is happening here? They've been here for hours. They're here every other day, it seems. They don't talk. The best part? Hang on.

[Okay, looks like we're moving now. Darin walks over to the group and not-so-discreetly circles them while holding his comm aloft. Maybe some eagle-eyed viewers might catch one of them texting 'omg, the old blue haired guy is back guys lmao' before Darin walks back to his original position towards the back of the store.]

Did you catch that? Did you? They're sending those messages to each other. They're talking to each other! Through their little devices! Instead of using words! Culture shock my ass, is there a priest or something out there? Because I think these kids are possessed and I do not deal with ghosts. Seriously, if anyone can offer me any insight into what the hell is wrong here, I will give you ten percent off of whatever the hell you want from my store. Hell, make it twenty percent.

Comments

[patchricide]

Thank you?!

[please let's not do this]

You can't possibly expect me to sit back and let you cause problems for other people! That wouldn't be doing my job at all!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

You're welcome!

Oh, I won't be the one causing the problems outwardly. I'll just nudge people in certain directions. Let them start their own problems that you'll have to sort through.

Then I can go on my merry way knowing that the lady with the giant ears will be busy lending them to other people instead of tilting them constantly in my direction.

[patchricide]

You can't 'nudge' someone and claim you didn't start it. Your action is still the cause of the problem.

Besides, I have the strangest feeling you'll still be causing plenty of problems.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I can do what I want and you can't stop me, lady.

[patchricide]

Then you'll be wrong.

... and also, maybe I will stop you. I think I have enough evidence to prove that it would be resolving a lot of problems, in the easiest, most peaceful way.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Oh? What's your grand plan to deal with me, then?

[patchricide]

... why should I tell you?

[Truth be told, she doesn't have one yet. She only just found herself in this situation.]

Who knows? Perhaps I'll round up more annoying customers and send them your way, and keep your hands full. Turnabout is fair play, isn't it?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Oh no.

Please don't send me more customers.

What will I do with all of this money.

Financial stability! My only weakness. Noooooooooo...

[patchricide]

I'll specifically look for ones who do nothing except stand around staring at those phones.

In fact, that will be how I pick them. I'll see if I can move them to your store without them noticing.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Good luck. If they think I'm old, they're gonna think you're ancient, Granny Hair.

[patchricide]

Granny--?!

[Let's just assume that at some point, someone told her about humans' white hair. Probably talking about hers, or about Shiro's white streak.]

This has nothing to do with aging! My hair has always been this color!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I've heard of 'Forever young' but 'Forever old?'

I mean, you look good for...what? 70? Don't let it get you down.

[patchricide]

That is not even close.

[... it's also several orders of magnitude below what her literal age is. But you know what, that's a special situation and she's not about to give him more ammo.]

And my hair is fine! More than fine, even. It is shimmering and beautiful, like starlight.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT?!

[patchricide]

What? It is.

[She's going to regret this, but.]

How would you describe it, hm?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

As long as you are old?

[patchricide]

... you have a death wish, don't you?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I'm kinda amazed you haven't just gone off in a huff and left me alone yet.

I guess people do become more stubborn with age.

[patchricide]

Will you stop that?

I'm supposed to be helping mediate the situation. That means giving everyone the benefit of the doubt even when they're obnoxious and don't deserve it in the slightest.

[Yeah that's gone out the window by now.]

But at this point, I am starting to think the only conflict resolution you'll respond to involves fists.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I mean, you're welcome to try but I don't like fighting octogenarians.

Also, there's a completely peaceful way to resolve this that you're completely ignoring. And that is to go away.

[patchricide]

I'm trying to solve your problems, not mine.

And ignoring problems is not a resolution. It's just putting them off to be dealt with later.

Like whenever I happen to see you in person.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

You being around is the problem.

[patchricide]

You complained about these children ignoring you, and you're complaining about me trying to help. Perhaps you ought to make up your mind? You'll be a lot happier.