maskormenace | 001 ☭ video

[ The bright posters of Nauru island resorts and beachside scenes in Tuvalu on the wall behind her stand in stark contrast to Elizabeth's gray blouse and tired eyes. Ambiguous messages and leaked encryptions that may or may not be a trap don't exactly call for restful nights for people like her; A Soviet spy in the guise of a stressed housewife cum travel agent who clears her throat as she moves back from the camera to take her seat in front of it. ]

Hi-- I'm Elizabeth, your state tourism agent, here to make sure that you, our heroes, have the opportunity to rest and relax between the often perilous yet essential missions assigned to you.

[ Her smile is taut, clearly unaccustomed to speaking to a machine like it's human, and she swallows nervously. ]

As you know, the holiday season is still some months away but that also means we can offer great low-season prices. Our latest promotion is for trips to the beautiful Micronesia: 25% discount for one-week holiday packages to the lovely Nauru island, 30% off for Tuvalu and, get this, 50% off for tickets to the amazing Gilbert islands.

This offer won't last forever, so stop by the counter soon or give me a call.

[ A pause as she considers what else she's supposed to say in this instance, before-- ] Thank you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Which of those places offers more crystals? Or bombs? Preferably both.

[ Now that's not the question she expects from a potential tourist. She pauses in thought, eyebrows knit together. ]

Nauru used to be rich off of phosphate. Tuvalu too. But that's not what you're asking me, is it?

No mammal, it's not.

[Yes, the talking dinosaur is indeed inquiring about deadly weapons and not touristy things.]

[ Did this guy with the dinosaur mask call her mammal or did he mean to say ma'am? She gives him the benefit of the doubt and assumes the latter... ]

I don't think I'm the right person for you to ask.

Isn't it your job to know these things?

No, I can find you five-star hotels and spa packages but bombs are kind of not included in my security clearance.

Should I ask why you're looking for bombs?

To control time. What else would I need them for?

[ What the fuckery... Elizabeth just stares at him with mouth agape. ]

Are you insane?

[H'ssssk justs stares for a moment. Mammals. Always calling him crazy. Bah!]

I'm a genius time-traveler!

Did your mom tell you that or did you come up with it yourself?

[ Elizabeth, don't pick a fight with genius time-traveling dinosaur omg. ]

My mother told me no such thing! Also she's dead, but my IQ is not in question here!

You should ask for a refund on that IQ test.

[ Maybe she should apologize for bringing up his mom... NOT. ]

Anyway-- I can't help you and it's rude to wear masks when talking to someone.

Bah! What mask, mammal?

That mask. The one you're-- [ She crosses her arms and huffs as if she's dealing with a petulant child. ]

Take it off right this second.

I am not wearing a mask, you stupid mammal!

[ There's a full minute of Elizabeth staring into the screen as if she can will the image to change but-- he does seem so lifelike. ]

Wait-- you-- are you really?

Really what? A genius time traveler with an unmatched intelligence, and far superior to any mammal? Yes, I am. Bask in my genius!

[ The lizard must mean bask in his madness --or her own madness. ]

You're really a dinosaur?

I'm not some mammal!

You say that like it's an insult.

Oh it is.

Are you sure? Last I heard your kind went extinct.

[ Going for the jugular, this one. ]

Because of your kind! A problem easily fixed!

We didn't make the rocks fall from the sky.

Bah! Your scientists lied! That isn't at all how we died!

001 ☭ video

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