001; Video

[notyourfathersosborn]

[The feed starts, showing Normie sitting out on the balcony of his residence. He's dressed in a beige t-shirt over a green long-sleeved shirt, and his wavy brown hair (the signature Osborn look) slightly mussed. ...Did something on his shoulder just move? Nah, just your imagination, 'cos it's not now. Normie gives a little lopsided smile to the camera.]

Hey there. [Small wave.] My name’s Norman Osborn, and uh, according to my file I'm apparently a genealogist now. Well, "Family Genealogy Researcher," but I'm pretty sure that's the same thing. I don't think anyone seeing this will really need one, but honestly I don't know too much about genealogy so I'd appreciate any help anyone can give, even if it's just pointing me in the direction of the nearest library. Oh right, I'm in Nonah, so that would be the library there.

[He leans over to turn off the feed, then suddenly stops and resumes his original position.]

Before I forget, I'm looking for the location of the nearest junkyard, or maybe a pawn or thrift store that might have some broken electronics I can take off their hands. I'm also looking to buy some welding equipment. I need them for...

[For a fraction of a second, there's a crazed smile stretched across the young Osborn's face. However, just as quickly as it comes, it's gone, replaced by the lopsided grin that had been there all along.]

...reasons.

Comments

[walkingballpit]

[ Oh cripes, it's a baby Norman. ]

We've already got a Norman Osborn. Can I get a return to sender sticker over here?

[notyourfathersosborn]

...Another one?

[He really doesn't like where this is going.]

[walkingballpit]

Yeah, you plus like 30 years. So we're full up on bad attitude and grins and gadgets.

[ Yeah, he knows what sort of reasons you've got, buddy, and he didn't miss that smile either. Sorry, Normie, Robbie's not a fan. ]

[notyourfathersosborn]

[Oh no. Oh no no no....]

My grandfather's here?!

[walkingballpit]

[ Oh. My. God. ]

Your grandfather?!

[ Holeeeeeey... ]

You've got to be kidding.

[notyourfathersosborn]

[Why would he joke about being related to that guy?]

It's the only other Norman Osborn I know.

[walkingballpit]

[ To not admit BEING the guy? ]

So. You and Pop-Pop close? You look like a regular chip off the old block.

[notyourfathersosborn]

He died when I was in Kindergarten.

[walkingballpit]

I see.

[ He can't manage a sorry for your loss. The party in Mew York was probably epic. ]

[notyourfathersosborn]

I take it you and he crossed paths at some point?

[walkingballpit]

Unfortunately.

[notyourfathersosborn]

[Sigh.] Leave it to my grandfather to make friends wherever he goes.

I hope this goes without saying, but I am not my grandfather.

[walkingballpit]

Strong personalities always make friends.

[Did you notice the plural? Not an accident or a way of making a broader statement.]

[notyourfathersosborn]

I suppose that's one way to put it.

[walkingballpit]

How would you put it?

[He's genuinely curious.]

[notyourfathersosborn]

That my grandfather knew exactly what he wanted and would crush anyone in his way to get it.

[walkingballpit]

[ Oh. On second thought, this one might be the preferable one. ]

That's about the size of it. What about you, Norman 2 point oh? You a big Smashing Pumpkins fan?

[notyourfathersosborn]

I am, actually. [He put a lot of money into Phil.]

But then again, I'm a fan of all of the New Warriors.

[walkingballpit]

[ Oh, of course , he is. They say crazy runs in -

Wait.

Did he -

What?

This can't be real life.

No.

No.

The New Warriors do enough besmirching of their own name without any help from a goddamn Green Goblin, and this is sooooo far from funny it's not funny. ]

... come again?

[ See. No screaming on the Network. Everyone's fine. Everyone's stable. Oh god, he's gonna hurl. ]

[notyourfathersosborn]

I'm sure you heard me correctly the first time.

I would also like to add that I'm not Billy Corgan. [Since Robbie wanted to go with a Smashing Pumpkins reference.]

[walkingballpit]

Do you honestly think that makes it any better?

[ So much for not yelling on the Network. ]

Who let the fruit flinger on my team? Was it Hummingbird? It was, wasn't it? I'm going to duct tape her to the side of Mount Wundagore; I don't care how much Scarlet Spider growls about it!

[notyourfathersosborn]

Perhaps this is a conversation to have in private?

[He hasn't fully figured out all the features yet or he'd have switched this to private a long time ago.]

Private

[walkingballpit]

[ Whatever, here have some basic encryption. ]

You think I won't yell at you in private? Newsflash: I just yelled at you in public. I don't have a secret identity.

[notyourfathersosborn]

Honestly I don't care if you yell at me until you're blue in the face. Go ahead, continue yelling. You're hardly the first to come after me because of my name, and you'll hardly be the last. I'm just trying to avoid my grandfather seeing this.

I forgot you were a member of the original version of New Warriors, sorry about that. You've been a solo hero for so long where I'm from it slipped my mind. The one the current Green Goblin leads is entirely different. It was formed by Spider-Girl, and consists of her friends and confidants: The Green Goblin, who I assure you is determined come hell or high water to be a hero, Ladyhawk, the Buzz, Darkdevil, and formerly Raptor. [His fiancee.] No one from your team has called themselves Warriors in years. Spider-Girl thought the name would be fitting.

[walkingballpit]

Who the hell cares if Osborn sees? I'll have you know that we have a solid hate-hate relationships of veiled threats and mutual disgust. I've worked really hard to not blast him through any walls; he has Bullseye break my arm; I break his favorite tech. He's not going to care if I'm telling at you - I don't think he cares about anything. He's certifiable.

And I'm not a solo hero. I wish everyone would quit saying that, because every time I go up against something solo it's a freaking disaster of alien cats, or I get my ass handed to me by Attuma. I can count on one hand how many times I've pulled something off by myself, so you and that May chick can shut up about what I'm gonna be like! As far as I know, I am a New Warrior, and it's still. my. team. Nobody's worked as hard as I have for that team. I put it back together twice, so screw you and Green Goblin!

Both of them!