two - bad taste | video

[abduxel]

[The comm tag says Matthew Lin. The young man on-screen is well-dressed in all-black formal clothing to match his black hair. Those with magical perceptive abilities might be able to see the ram horns sprouting from his forehead, but for most people, they are invisible.]

Well, apparently I'm sick and dying of Zombie Apocalpyse Syndrome. I'm not actually infected, just terribly peckish from sitting in my apartment with minimal groceries, you know how it goes. I would kill for some delivery, but apparently the local venues have no personnel up to snuff.

Finally, today, I have resorted to cannibalism. This afternoon, I fried up some Dorian Gray with a side of Elsa... uh... whatever her last name is. Was. It was delicious and I highly recommend giving it a try. Maybe I'll open a restaurant. I was wondering if you could all help me brainstorm some names.

[He looks perfectly fine, and is in fact full of shit, as Elsa and Dorian are both alive and Abduxel is not a cannibal, although he has resorted to stealing microwave dinners from his roommates covertly, sorry Mike Parker & Elizabeth. The whole spiel is said very dryly, so it could be taken as serious (in an uncomfortably casual, devil-may-care kind of way) or understood rightly to be him joking around.]

Comments

voice;

[lackey]

Dude.

[Dude, making shitty jokes at a time like this! (Those are jokes, right? Right??)

And dude, talking to Bro Will Graham up there, all rude and familiar at the same time.

(Also, dude, his microwave dinners! He's going to be so pissed when he finds out about those. Just because he ran away to hide from the disease somewhere else and has been gone for over a week doesn't mean his dinners are yours to devour, demon!!)]

The fuck is wrong with you, man?

[abduxel]

[Dryly,] I don't think I was hugged enough as a child.

[lackey]

You're gonna find yourself behind another dumpster, actin' like that around people.

PRIVATE. MIKE. MIKE PARKER. SO PRIVATE.

[abduxel]

Whoa, whoa, Mike, Mike. I'm trying to be discrete, here.

private private private

[lackey]

Discrete about what? Plenty of people here have gotten killed before.

... You know, that's a weird thing to hear yourself say.

private forever

[abduxel]

I... I guess that's true, but I don't need people finding out I'm a demon. They might... discriminate.

[lackey]

... Discriminate.

[abduxel]

Yeah, discriminate. What about it?

[lackey]

I don't know. Discriminatin' against a demon. Like... people runnin' from you?

[abduxel]

Yeah, or whatever, not hiring me, not letting me in on the business, that sort of thing.

[Mike.]

Racism is alive and well, that's all.

[lackey]

[Matthew.]

Yeah, yeah... Mm'hm... Didn't know demon was a race, though. Thought it was more like uh... uhhh... something not a race? I mean, you weren't born a demon, just got made into one when you fucked up! Sold your soul, got killed.

But whatever.

Whatever whatever whatever... I'll uh... I'll be more hush-hush in the future?

[Ahem.]

[abduxel]

Right, I guess it's more like... a religion. You know when people discriminate against religions. I hear there was a whole thing with the Jews after I died.

Thanks, Mike, I appreciate it.

[lackey]

Yeah! A religion or a... lifestyle. Except you're... almost kind of undead, right? So notlifestyle. Unlifestyle. Undeadstyle?

[Mike sneezes and then sniffs.] People can totally suck.

Hey, if you're still tryin' to get a job, I can give you some tips!

[abduxel]

Yeah, they totally can. [This guy, seriously. He throws Abduxel off so much but he's starting to find it funny, and he just tries to roll with it.]

Tips? Hey, I'm all ears.

[lackey]

Great! Okay, number one: don't tell people you eat people.

[abduxel]

[His face drops, but he tries not to look as pissed as he is. He thought you were gonna finally fess up. A bit tightly,]

I hope my future employer has a sense of humour.

[lackey]

Better be careful what you wish for, dude. Might get yourself an employer with a sense of humor more screwed up than yours. Then you're in trouble.

Two! Don't do that eye thing.

[abduxel]

[Mike Mike Mike. He struggles to smile.]

Right, got it. I - that must be what I'm doing wrong.

[lackey]

Must be.

We cool?

[abduxel]

We're cool, Mike.

You should let me in on your racket, though.

[lackey]

[Sniff.]

Yeah, I should.

[abduxel]

[Helpfully,]

But...?

[What do I have to do??]

[lackey]

[Mike heaves a put-upon sigh.]

Three, Kopus is the name of my boss back home. Walt White is the name of my boss here.

[After the conversation with Will, Mike figures he owes Matthew one.]

You wanna search him out, go right ahead, but you didn't hear about him from me, you got that?

[abduxel]

[Abduxel's eyebrows raise dramatically and basically leave his skull.]

Mike, damn it, all this time, I thought you were working for someone else. Holy Hell. [He laughs.] I know Walter. Uh, we're friends.

[He... decides not to tell him he already works for him. Nevermind the someone else thing. Just ignore that part.]

This should work out well. I'm sure we'll be coworkers soon. [He winks.]

[lackey]

[Mike will realize what that someone else bit implies about a month from now. Maybe two months. Random angry texts in your future, Abduxel.]

Oh.

[Pause.]

... What? Really?