two - bad taste | video

[abduxel]

[The comm tag says Matthew Lin. The young man on-screen is well-dressed in all-black formal clothing to match his black hair. Those with magical perceptive abilities might be able to see the ram horns sprouting from his forehead, but for most people, they are invisible.]

Well, apparently I'm sick and dying of Zombie Apocalpyse Syndrome. I'm not actually infected, just terribly peckish from sitting in my apartment with minimal groceries, you know how it goes. I would kill for some delivery, but apparently the local venues have no personnel up to snuff.

Finally, today, I have resorted to cannibalism. This afternoon, I fried up some Dorian Gray with a side of Elsa... uh... whatever her last name is. Was. It was delicious and I highly recommend giving it a try. Maybe I'll open a restaurant. I was wondering if you could all help me brainstorm some names.

[He looks perfectly fine, and is in fact full of shit, as Elsa and Dorian are both alive and Abduxel is not a cannibal, although he has resorted to stealing microwave dinners from his roommates covertly, sorry Mike Parker & Elizabeth. The whole spiel is said very dryly, so it could be taken as serious (in an uncomfortably casual, devil-may-care kind of way) or understood rightly to be him joking around.]

Comments

[lackey]

[Sniff.]

Yeah, I should.

[abduxel]

[Helpfully,]

But...?

[What do I have to do??]

[lackey]

[Mike heaves a put-upon sigh.]

Three, Kopus is the name of my boss back home. Walt White is the name of my boss here.

[After the conversation with Will, Mike figures he owes Matthew one.]

You wanna search him out, go right ahead, but you didn't hear about him from me, you got that?

[abduxel]

[Abduxel's eyebrows raise dramatically and basically leave his skull.]

Mike, damn it, all this time, I thought you were working for someone else. Holy Hell. [He laughs.] I know Walter. Uh, we're friends.

[He... decides not to tell him he already works for him. Nevermind the someone else thing. Just ignore that part.]

This should work out well. I'm sure we'll be coworkers soon. [He winks.]

[lackey]

[Mike will realize what that someone else bit implies about a month from now. Maybe two months. Random angry texts in your future, Abduxel.]

Oh.

[Pause.]

... What? Really?

[abduxel]

Yep. I'm going to contact him right now. No way he'll turn me down. I'm a great asset.

[lackey]

[Asset... Ass... hole...] Yeah, yeah... Crazy, man. That's crazy. Where'd you meet him?

[abduxel]

[Great ass ? Is that what you mean?]

[...Where did I meet him... think fast, Abduxel.]

At...

The swear-in ceremony.

[Okay sell it with some details now. Why. Where.]

He was at the bar, I bought him a beer. We talked about... work. He's a chemist, if I remember correctly.

Yeah, we [...] go for ice-cream sometimes. [good one]

[lackey]

[(N o.)

Okay, they ran into each other at one of those parties. That makes sense. Had beer and talked about work even though Matthew isn't employed, gotcha. Walt's a chemist, that's right.

There's only one problem with this explanation.]

Ice cream?

[abduxel]

Yeah, ice cream.

They don't have ice cream in Hell. And he missed his kid or whatever, because of Easter. I guess I look like him. [Yep... Walt's asian twink son. Definitely.] So it worked out for both of us.

[He's actually genuinely telling the truth here. Except for the... looking like him thing.]

[lackey]

I guess that's cool. Ice cream's always great.

[A little bit jealous tbh.]

[abduxel]

Yeah, man, I hadn't had ice cream in ninety years.

[lackey]

What kind you get?

[Asking the really important questions.]

[abduxel]

I got a banana split. Best choice of my undeath.

[lackey]

Nice. You know you can fill the freezer up. ... After everybody's done dyin' and killin' each other.

[abduxel]

With ice cream?

[He isn't getting the hint.]

[lackey]

No, with bodies. Yeah, with ice cream!

[abduxel]

Well, I had to be sure! Mr. Secret Shapeshifter, for all I know you do eat people.

[lackey]

[THIS IS THE FEED GETTING CUT.]

[abduxel]

[omg rude take a joke]