maskormenace | 💣 002

[When it comes to the network, Alfie is more of a reader than a poster - and when he does post, he usually prefers to pick one person and talk to them directly, rather than saying something to all the imPorts at large. It's closer to what he's used to, and it's an easy way to control the conversation. But the technology and how it's used is a curious thing to him, in a frivolous sort of way. He doesn't think he'll ever end up relying on it, but it's worth a little experimentation.

So here he is.]

I was out for a walk today, right, and I was approached by a very little boy, knee-high. He addressed me by name, he pointed to my hat, and he asked to borrow it for a costume. He wants to be me, for Halloween, and he was determined to be authentic.

[He gives a pause to let this sink in.]

That's ridiculous, innit. It's ridiculous. You lot have covered the costumes already; I’m not gonna go over it again. But all these admirers - I’ve been here a month and I’ve done nothing but discourage them, and still they come.

[It’s true. He puts a lot of effort into actively sabotaging his radio show, purposefully mumbling unintelligibly at inopportune moments ("Set your oven at [mumbled gibberish] degrees and bake for [more gibberish and a cough] minutes") and throwing inappropriate ingredients into recipe descriptions (“The chili pepper, yeah - it’s really essential, and by the time your sugar cake is finished the taste of the spice will have baked off”). There’s still a sizable chunk of people who see it as comedy, and faithfully tune in every week.]

Have any of you found the trick to getting them to fuck off for good?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

While I do not know the particulars of your situation, I have heard from my associates that wearing clothes which are more contemporary to this time and place garner less attention.

It might make them stare less, yeah. But I don't care much about the stares. The ones who approach are the ones who recognize me.

What do they recognise you from?

Radio show. They hear my voice, or recognize my face. Reporters have taken my picture a time or two and published it in the paper.

[Paparazzi, man.]

I've heard the word a number of times now, but -- is 'radio' some form of spoken communication? And by 'take your picture', you mean with those flashing devices, correct?

( She is still so, so new to all of this. )

Photographs. Yeah. Radio's a bit like this, but more old-fashioned; more from my own time.

You're not the first I've heard say that. What is different about it?

It's more limited. You can't show your face in radio; you can't type. I'm not sure why they still have it, when they've got this.

Perhaps there is a different, more specialised purpose it can serve. ( But she really doesn't know enough to contribute further to this conversation, so she moves onto something else. )

In any case. Your work on this show has granted you some degree of fame? Nothing you can do will dissuade your admirers. Trust me.

Last week, I signed off by telling them all to stop listening.

[Seriously, why do these people like him?]

Even in a completely different world, the nature of people remains the same. The more you tell them not to do something, the more they desire to do it.

That may be where your problem lies.

That's hardly a rule for all people. Most have sense.

( There is a surprised-sounding scoff. )

You're an optimist, I see.

I know people. Most of them aren't actually very stupid.

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