THE MAJORITY REPORT: MAY 10TH, 2017

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: MAY 10TH, 2017With this new influx of imPorts and the fallout of the mysterious dreamscape, public opinion has never been so mixed. On one hand: intrigue! New imPorts! On the other: potentially dangerous new imPorts! New threats!

HOSTAGE MEDICATION
As seen on TMI reporting, online and televised:
Hostage situation at a new Customer Savings Solutions Pharmacy in Heropa! Male suspect captured twenty people waiting in line for their medications, threatening to repeal their need for health care.

Strangely, no hostage was harmed and the situation was resolved in mere minutes.

Two female vigilantes are rumored to have broken down and brutally humiliated a male suspect (Caucasian, 5'11''). Confirmed details remain scarce. These vigilantes are reported to have been Amazon warriors from another planet, very likely imPorts.

TYGER, TYGER VIRAL BRIGHT
As seen on BlueTube, Bwitter, Rumblr, Deddit, and some local news networks and small papers in Heropa:
A cellphone video of a chase between imPort superhero Wild Tiger and what appeared to be a repainted ImPocreat has now gone viral, after being featured on a popular imPort fanblogger's recent post. The video, following the escaped Blickablake (eventually identified as belonging to Nonah-based imPort Tetsuo Shima) and its valiant pursuer all through the city, has spawned dozens of gifs and macros, with the hashtag #tigervstiger trending on Bwitter.

Many imPort fans were endeared by the bumbling antics of the superhero known for never using his powers outside of an emergency, but some were less than impressed. Deddit user DownWithImPunks said, "lol look @ dis sad sh!t, our ~heroes~ outsmrted by a machin w/ no brainz. feel rly safe 2day", while others argued the real problem was with Tetsuo for allowing his ImPocreat to run wild in the first place. "It's government property after all," pointed out one noted import critic in his column in a local newspaper, "we can't have that kind of thing falling into the wrong hands. Irresponsibility in this case is a matter of national security."

Meanwhile, BuckStars, the origin point of the chase, has capitalized on the buzz--offering a limited edition Wild Blickablake Bubble Tea free with any purchase of a large drink* and posting a link to the clip on their official website.

*while supplies last

NATURAL CAUSE AND EFFECT
As seen on BlueTube and limited local newspaper coverage:
Police in Maurtia Falls have reported the death of Sally Cunliffe, 68. A respected local business owner, Ms. Sally Cunliffe reportedly transferred a large sum of money from her account just prior to her death. The official coroner report indicates that her death was due to a heart attack. Police are not treating the death as suspicious. That being said, authorities would like the recipient of Ms. Cunliffe's funds to come forward to answer a few routine questions, as they have so far been unable to trace them.

WELL PLAYED, YOUNG SPORT
As seen on BlueTube and in Nonah newspapers:
We're midway through this year's national youth soccer championships, and in a surprising turn of events, Nonah Middle School's very own Blue Barracudas are shaping up to be the team to beat!

Although they had a slow start at the beginning of the season, with the majority of the players' performances being described as lackluster, a marked improvement in their playing — believed to be the result of midfielder Yuuto Kidou's expert instruction — has rocketed the team into the front running.

The departure of two key players, co-captain and midfielder Ken Amada and defender Hiroto Kiyama, will no doubt have a monumental impact on the team's range of capabilities going forward, but coach Peyton Chamgerlain has stated that she believes their new lineup will be pivotal in crushing their competition. The Barracudas have elected Yuuto to be their new captain, and with Koujirou Genda rumored to be an unrivaled goalkeeper, and newcomer Jirou Sakuma being welcomed late onto the team as their primary striker, it would seem Chamgerlain has managed to successfully cover for the team's losses, and in record time to boot!

The Blue Barracudas' next match against the Astro Hawks will be held next Friday afternoon. Show your support for these fine youth athletes by sporting the Barracudas' blue and white colors, coming down to Nonah Middle School to watch the game, or by tuning in on BlueTube to watch live coverage brought to you by Nonah Middle School's student body president, Joseph Lee.

bElieve
As seen on Maurtia Falls televised news:
Upon the tallest hill in the city of Maurtia Falls sits a new art installment on the sidewalk. It seems that the guerrilla artiste bElish has struck again! A four foot tall bust made in the likeness of Ambassador Baelish and composed entirely out of synthetic honeycomb has been left on display on top a five-foot tall white podium.

What is the meaning behind this, the public wonders.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from INDIGO-GO to SILVER AGE because this is an era of second best.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

[substrategist]

Do you hear yourself? You showed up way too early, so of course no one was there! Class was still in session!

[oceanthief]

You didn't really look like you were doing anything important.

[she's challenging the idea that this wasn't just Sakuma getting confused, because honestly that classroom was just a shitshow.]

[substrategist]

[Look, just because some of his peers are rowdy and have no respect for rules doesn't mean he wasn't actually paying attention to the lesson and trying to learn before she showed up!]

You can't just walk into a school and decide for them what's important and what isn't.

[oceanthief]

It doesn't really have anything to do with decisions, does it? It's just facts.

[SHE WAS WAITING FOR YOU FOR LIKE THREE FUCKING HOURS what could possibly be that vital to learn that took more than that]

[substrategist]

Claiming something as fact doesn't make it true!

We were in the middle of a lesson when you rudely interrupted.

[Speaking of lessons, maybe she should learn how to tell time! Because showing up at the start of the school day is the opposite of what Sakuma requested!]

[oceanthief]

[like she was supposed to know that humans were so dense they needed more than three or four hours to drill education through their skulls. this is a space racist assumption, Sakuma!!!]

No, it being true makes it true.

[l a p i s]

What were you learning? It didn't seem like they had any trouble stopping it right away.

[substrategist]

American History.

[You know, the sort of class that provides lessons a Japanese middle-schooler would totally appreciate.]

And they didn't have trouble stopping because you were distracting everybody.

[oceanthief]

You can't remember it all on your own?

[any nation on this planet could only be, like, what. five years old? there's no way anyone would need tutoring in this, even Sakuma.]

[substrategist]

[Lapis...]

I'm not from America originally. Or even this world. There's a lot of history here that's different.

[And whether or not he wants to learn it, it's important to know for survival's sake.]

[oceanthief]

[you're lucky she can even tell you what country she's living in right now, ok]

The planet's about the same age as the ones in other worlds, though.

[substrategist]

[The problem with text conversations is that he cannot convey "Your point?" with a simple look. Although, knowing Lapis, this is perhaps for the best, as such a look would likely be misinterpreted or clapped at again, or worse. How does she even function in normal society?]

Two things can be the same age and still be different.

[In any case, it's strange that she should disagree with him on this considering the conversation they had at the zoo. Hadn't she been all for not drawing attention to herself by switching jobs or housing? By adapting to her assigned routine and not causing ripples?

Sakuma considers quickly what the most tactful way to allude to that might be, then wonders if he should even dare. These reports are government sanctioned, and he can't trust her not to say too much. She probably doesn't mean to be, but she is oblivious to the ways of humans and very reckless regarding their habits...

So he finally just offers a simple:]

Anyway, I like school, so it isn't a problem.

[oceanthief]

[unfortunately, Lapis' habit of ducking her head and hoping for the best only extends as far as she can understand a schedule. the introduction of the concept 'after class' only served to exacerbate her already skewed understanding of human's time, leading her to assume that Sakuma must be lingering somewhere silly rather than...her simply being early.

in her defense, it is incredibly boring to stare at an empty sports field by yourself for several hours straight. anyone might forget the concept of time like that.]

I guess not, for you.

[humans only lived for a sneeze anyway, so she supposed they had to prioritize what they did with that metaphorical inhale of life. if one of them wanted to spend all that time sitting in a room learning about five minutes of a mudball's history, that was. pretty stupid, in her opinion, but their prerogative. she guesses. probably.

...god, it was so dumb.

the conversation has actually piqued her curiosity on another topic, however, and so she doesn't linger very long on the baffling state of affairs that the earth educational system was.]

Was that map on the wall right?

[because obviously Sakuma is going to know she's talking about the map of the world in the classroom and not anywhere else. it was such an uneventful visit to school, after all.]

[substrategist]

[Even if he's not quite sure where Lapis is headed with her question, Sakuma is able to connect the dots easily enough and conclude which map she's referring to. There weren't very many of them up inside of the school, after all. Only a handful of classrooms had one actively on display at all times, while the rest had the roll-down variety that was more often rolled up and out of the way of the chalkboards.]

Accurate to this world, yes.

[oceanthief]

Even the part on the right?

['the part on the right' here being...northern Eurasia....]

[substrategist]

[This is precisely the direction Sakuma didn't want this conversation to go in, not here of all places. He doesn't want to talk about Russia on a network that isn't secure. Or...on the network at all, really. It's too risky. Even if it is being taught in classrooms because it is a part of the world history, openly discussing it feels too much like putting himself under the microscope. It makes Sakuma's skin crawl.]

All of it.

[Sorry if his answers are vague, Lapis. He really doesn't want to discuss this.]

[oceanthief]

[don't worry, her motivation behind this line of questioning is a lot less politically motivated than it might first appear...]

Oh. I guess we really never were here, then.

[she'd always figured that, even without delving into the deepness of space to search for where Homeworld ought to be. but proof like that still stings, as if some kind of impossible dream has been snatched from her before she ever realized it existed.]

[substrategist]

[That's...not what he was expecting, and Sakuma remembers how little how knows about gems and Lapis in particular.

What kind of impression would her kind have left on that part of the world that it would be recognizable on the face of a map? She's an alien...so, could it be colonization? Or perhaps something larger, like geographical reformation? With her powers, or a legion of gems with powers like hers, it wouldn't be impossible. It probably wouldn't even be difficult.]

How can you tell?

[oceanthief]

We removed a lot of that land in my universe.

[even with her short stay on gem-controlled earth, Lapis knew that very well; she was originally created to terraform, after all, and the landscape of any planet she was meant to visit was vital to her briefing.

there was a sort of irony in how the lack of a hole could open up such a large one in her chest, but she doesn't have the mental energy to do more than brush it aside for the time being. it was tiresome, having to stare at her life through the lens of so many cruel jokes.]

[substrategist]

[Removed...?

The word drops like a lead weight in Sakuma's stomach and he remembers, for all that she doesn't look very terrifying, she is still a space rock. An alien. Regardless of his personal curiosity, trusting her unconditionally must always be out of the question. Given her ignorance of humans, it's probably safe to assume she doesn't have humanity's best interest at heart. That none of her kind did...

But she's not openly hostile, either. Or hasn't been to his knowledge, not yet. Could that only be due to this government's ability to dampen or cut off powers? Would she be different if that restriction weren't in place?]

How much is a lot?

[oceanthief]

Like

[she briefly considers trying to quantify an operation that she wasn't personally involved with, then discards it on the grounds of that being an outrageous waste of effort. it would probably be a lot easier to just use a visual.

the feed goes silent for several minutes before the notification for an attachment pings to life. the picture is of Lapis holding up a very hastily drawn map of Europe and Asia, showing off a very decided lack of Russia.]

That much.

[substrategist]

[Sakuma's not sure what he was expecting, but it sure wasn't that. He stares a long time at the image of Lapis holding her hastily drawn estimation of what Eurasia looks like in her world, and at the expression she wears. What is that? Indifference? Detachment? Does she care what that level of change could mean for life everywhere on Earth?

There is a part of Sakuma that is decidedly glad for this planet that gems like Lapis haven't settled here. And yet...he still has to know. To hear her side. Because, much as he feels the tug of caution, he also recognizes the fact that she didn't need to tell him any of this, and that a person who was looking to make friends or who had themselves participated in such devastation...wouldn't broadcast it. Not that he has any way to prove her innocence or guilt.

At least...not any way he's very familiar with yet.]

Why?

[oceanthief]

Homeworld usually colonizes planets for the resources underneath the surface, not on top. They do a lot of restructuring to optimize.

[she stares down at the drawing now settled in her lap, hidden from view once more. it had held excellent potential in so many facets of the empire - that much Lapis remembered, the excitement buzzing through the chain of command. she'd never had time to see it herself...and thanks to the Crystal Gems, she suspects that she very well may never will.

what could possibly worth that price? it was a question she'd asked herself countless times within the confines of the mirror, and one that she could never find an answer for. no planet ever seemed important enough to pour so many lives down the drain for.]

They'd already done that by the time I showed up, though, so I'm not really sure what that one was for.

[substrategist]

[Digging and mining for resources beneath the Earth's surface are things humanity has done since the birth of the earliest civilizations, but never to that extent, not even in modern times. What Lapis' map indicated was...beyond any human scale of destructiveness. And it demonstrated no care for the Earth's delicate ecosystems. Whatever the gems had been hoping to achieve, they clearly didn't care what happened to the planet as a result. Not at all.

That thought chills Sakuma to the bone.]

That one?

[There were more?

Was she involved in those, then?]

[oceanthief]

There was still a lot that Homeworld wanted to do before they had to leave.

[they hadn't even gotten around to handing out her orders before the war had broken out in full force. Lapis couldn't even say with certainty how much else might have been done on the planet if the Crystal Gems hadn't made themselves - there had been no time. it was all so pointless.]

[substrategist]

[Sakuma is fuming.

What gave them the right to do anything at all in the first place?!

He wishes he could ask Lapis this question, but doesn't trust himself right now to keep his emotions in check. Naturally, he is very close to the situation. Even if it isn't his Earth that was in the hands of the gems, and even if he doesn't belong on this one, the fact that any world should be treated so callously...

...it reminds him of Kageyama.

Using people, chewing them up and discarding them again when they're no longer useful.]

What about you?

What did you want to do?