001 | Video

[pale_blue_arrow]

[The video is a little shaky, as if whoever's taking it isn't used to using camera phones. That should strike those who recognize the tired face on the other end of the camera as wrong, given he's posted before, months ago, but it's obvious something it off. His hair's shorter than the last time he was here, disheveled, dark rings under his eyes and a small cut healing up on his cheek just like it was when he first arrived here the first time. Legs propped up on a desk in what's presumably his room, he has music playing in the background, lights off save for what peeks through the half-opened blinds, his exhaustion is equal only to how profoundly done he looks with the whole situation.]

Alright, according to the file the government's file on me - anybody else rubbed wrong by us bein' tagged and scoped out like that before we so much as set a foot on the ground? - I've been here before. [He tilts his head slightly, thoughtfully, though his voice is a carefully controlled near-monotone and his expression is unresponsive to this fact.] Thing is, that doesn't hold water with me. Last I knew was I taking a well-earned nap back home. Unless I took one helleva hit to the head without knowing, I'm damn sure I oughta remember world-hopping.

So. Who can tell me what's really going on and what the status quo for this place is? I'd go digging through things myself but life's taught me not to disregard anyone's opinions. Never know when someone'll have the piece of the puzzle that cracks it all wide open.

[Offhandedly, with an idle shrug,] Oh, right. Name's Brendan. Brendan Frye. If that actually does ring any bells, drop me a line? I'd like t' have words.

[He cuts the feed without another word, face still expressionless.]

Comments

video;

[flightforfreedom]

[ Oh god.

Poe is shook, and he looks it. Brendan's been gone for months. And the fact that he's back, without his memories, like so many of Poe's friends, feels like a cruel joke.

But not the cruelest. Because he knows where Brendan would be, if he was home. And a nap is a kind way of putting it. He swallowed, shaking the shock off. ]

Uh - yeah. Yeah, I knew you. We were friends.

video;

[pale_blue_arrow]

[There is a slight pause in Brendan's response, but it's not one of recognition. He's trying to gauge what Poe's reaction means - what the guy knows, or if that's an indicator that something went down here that's made people wary of him, or what. Fresh off all the trauma and drama of back home, he's both on guard and still in detective mode.

His eyes narrow slightly, eyebrows rising for a moment.] You look like you've seen a ghost. What, did I get offed by the mob or somethin' last I was here?

[It's half a joke. It's also entirely plausible.]

video;

[flightforfreedom]

Uh - yeah. Sorry. You've been gone for months. I just - I thought you weren't coming back.

[ And in a way, he hadn't.

Like Jyn and Cassian and Lando - it didn't look like Brendan had any memory of him at all.

Still he had to check. Just to make sure.

He cleared his throat. ]

You don't remember this place at all? Don't remember anyone? [ He half wanted to ask if the name 'Manabu' meant anything to him. But he couldn't get the words out. ]

video;

[pale_blue_arrow]

Makes sense. I don't know how this place works, but I'm gathering not everybody comes back?

[He'd noticed the slight surprise even on the disinterested face of the agent who handed him his file. This isn't unheard of, he's guessing, but it's not standard procedure.

Brendan's response is as honest as it is immediate.]

No. Last thing I remember was skipping school back home. I've never - I don't remember, havin' been here before. Or any of the people I've seen here. Sorry. Dunno how close we were or if we weren't close at all, if you jus' knew me in passing, but it's all gone.

video;

[flightforfreedom]

No. They don't.

And when they do it's kind of a crap shoot on whether they remember anything at all or not.

[ Poe wasn't a spy. He couldn't hide the way his face fell, disappointment settling into his bones now that the shock was over.

At least he didn't have to explain that Manabu had never returned either. ]

It wasn't - it wasn't just passing, but it's okay. I know the drill.

I've lost a few friends this way already.

video;

[pale_blue_arrow]

[Brendan's not big on kindness, not at this point in his life. He's burned and been burnt too many times. And yet, there's a small piece of what passes for a heart still left over to feel bad about the way Poe's face falls, the distress, prompting him to try to be decent about the whole confusing thing.]

Well, shit. I'm not lost, though. I mean, 'm right here. We could talk again, figure things out. If you were so inclined - I dunno how you feel about that or if that'd be adding more to your load mentally.

[flightforfreedom]

[ He really wasn't sure what he felt about it. It had sort of worked, in some cases, not so well in others.

But Brendan hadn't been in a good place, before he left.

It would be pretty easy to slip back into that without some sort of help - some sort of support - so he forced an apologetic smile to his lips. ]

No, you're right. You're here. Just uh - it's just a weird thing to get used to. But hey - even if we have to start from scratch, I can at least help you get settled in, right?

vid - private

[h2no]

Yo, nerd. I knew ya, too.

[he's shooketh, like poe. trying to hide it.]

Believe me, most are rubbed wrong by it, but there ain't much you can do about it.

vid - private

[pale_blue_arrow]

Really. [How did he know a discount pirate and why? He's got so many questions and no idea how to phrase any of them.] How'd you know me? Sorry, the file I got on myself didn't really give details on who and how and all that.

So. They're telling the truth, then? I really have been here before. [Without knowing. Without there being enough time between home and now to allow for that. This is some weird House Of Leaves tier shit.] I'd say I need a drink but this whole thing sounds like a drunken fever dream as-is.

Re: vid - private

[h2no]

We were government assigned roomies for a while, before I moved out. There's not much of an exciting story to that one, I'm afraid.

[he shrugs. there's far more to it than that, but...]

Yeah. I can't imagine how you must feel-- it's probably really fucked up, but I don't think drinking will help.

vid - private

[pale_blue_arrow]

Dunno who my roomies are here, yet. Whoever they are, they're making themselves scarce at the moment. [But:] You seem awfully interested in me for a former roomie. I'm guessing there's more to the story than that.

[Please don't let it be that he got in trouble with this guy. That's where his mind goes, automatically. He's back into that mode, of avoiding and seeking out trouble in equal measures.]

Re: vid - private

[h2no]

Mmm... we knew each other for the better part of a year. Went through a lotta bullshit.

[he cocks his head.]

Y'get a sense of camaraderie from that. Though I'm not expecting you to fill any roll or whatever, just answerin' the call you had for people that knew you previously.

vid - private

[pale_blue_arrow]

[He swallows, putting his free hand in his jacket pocket and looking away for a moment. Shit.] So. I take it I told you about some of the more unwelcome curveballs life threw my way back home. How much d'you know?

We could talk. Get back to a functional level of knowing each other. I need somebody with some info on this place. And I'm not in a position to be picky about who that is right now.

video;

[lempereur]

Brendan...?

[ The boy on the other end looks like maybe he's seen a ghost, if he were the kind who liked ghosts. Who missed ghosts. Who was told by a ghost that it would almost certainly be dead if it were to ever leave.

So he's both pale with shock, and holding back happy tears. Because, as Brendan once knew, and surely will again, Yusuke is extra as all hell. ]

Welcome back. I'm Yusuke. [ His least formal introduction, maybe ever? ] We were close.

[ Sniff. ]

I apologize if that makes things awkward for you.

video;

[pale_blue_arrow]

Yeah...?

[Brendan doesn't know any of the context, but he hasn't had somebody look at him with that much affection since Emily. It's disarming, enough that he can't muster up his usual snark in response. Then again, the last person he let himself get vulnerable around nearly got him killed.

There's a conflict of emotions on his face, the eternal war between wanting to comfort someone pretty and wariness of anyone who comes at him with those teary doe eyes. He looks away, a little uncomfortable.]

Sorry I don't remember you. Would if I could, it'd've made waking up here a helleva lot easier to get names and faces straight right off the bat, [and if a very Brendan contraction like it'd've instead of it would have doesn't mark this as definitely being him, nothing will,] so... how, um, how close are we talking?

[He's not stupid, he knows he has a type and that type is emotionally needy people, but God, he can't do relationships right now, not for a while. Emily hasn't even been dead a full month, for Christ's sake.]

[lempereur]

[ Yusuke nods, solemn. It would be a lot easier if Brendan remembered. He'd come running. But now, that's not appropriate, it's hard enough being dropped into this world without a flood of introductions from people who claim to know you. It seems so long ago, but still he remembers. ]

It's alright. I understand. You and I were close friends. I told you everything. You did the same.

[ And because he knows you, he clarifies: ]

We were not lovers.

[pale_blue_arrow]

Everything. [He feels something within him twist unpleasantly at the thought. Brendan's not sure how much of everything that went down he told Yusuke, but any of it feels like too much right now. There's so much weight to all of it, and something about not knowing makes him feel as uneasy as he would if it'd been people gossiping behind his back.] I can't imagine even beginning to get into my baggage without either a lot of time or alcohol. Both'd be good, actually.

Those are some impressive teary eyes for a friend, querido.

[Was that snark or flirtation or careful digging for details? Even he doesn't know.]

[lempereur]

You have already, so no need. [ Beat. ] But I could tell you mine, again, so we're even.

[ Yusuke straightens, and wipes at his eyes. What teary eyes?? Didn't happen. And he totally didn't miss all the Spanish pet names! ]

Well, we were close. As I said. I thought you'd be dead if you ever went back. It's a relief to see you.

[pale_blue_arrow]

You don't owe me anything you're not comfortable with. Secrets are secret for a reason. You wanna come forward with it, fine, but don't feel like you've gotta.

[Even reset to this point in time, he's not a complete asshole. He does smirk at the eyes, though, right up until Yusuke mentions the being dead thing. Brendan flinches at the vivid memory fragments that come rising up to the surface of his mind. Stumbling, falling, choking, spit up blood, shallow inhales, his body curling inward in a convulsion, the cold...

He shuts his eyes and inhales deeply, hitting the button to lock the feed to private.] I will die. If I go back, I mean. Internal bleeding. It's... I was gonna say fine 'cause I thought nobody gave a shit, but clearly you do, so. It's not fine but it's what I thought I was okay with, at the time.

video; private

[couldbebeautiful]

[It leaves her winded, seeing him again. Younger, this time, shorter and disheveled, and some part of Veronica can't help but remember Emily, all of a sudden. Brendan's memory rattles around her brain, his ghosts not quite as ever-present as hers, but they're somewhere in there. They show up in her nightmares.]

Hey, Brendan? It's me. [A beat.] Um, Veronica Sawyer. We were friends before you were Ported out, and—believe it or not, shit like this is normal. People leave and come back sans memories all the time, I've seen it happen to a couple of my roommates.

Also, sometimes weird shit happens. And—

[She pauses, as if searching for a good way to say this, before she sighs.]

We swapped memories one time. I know who Emily is. I'm—so sorry.

video; private

[pale_blue_arrow]

[His first thought is that Veronica looks like a blend of Emily and Laura; Laura's darker coloration, Emily's awkward pauses and pained, haunted eyes. A mix of things he trusts and distrusts. He doesn't know what he's supposed to feel or say.

At the idea he's one-upped the load he's apparently thrown on other people here and given somebody memories instead of just the rundown makes him pause, eyes big and vulnerable for a moment. Oh. Oh no, so she knows-]

You know - you know that when Em died, she was... [his throat closes around the word. He can't deal with that. Can't say it, make it real. His voice goes from uncertain to exhausted as he sighs, running a hand through his hair.] God damn it, I need a drink. Helleva thing to spring on a guy.

video; private

[couldbebeautiful]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But I didn't—it's your life rattling around my head, it wouldn't be fair to you if I just didn't say anything.

[A soft breath, and Veronica drags a hand through her hair, pulling it back from her face. The words are out now, and she can't take them back, but god, sometimes she wants to march down to Heropa and throw something at the Porter. Everything it gives, it gives with a catch.]

I've got a couple of bottles, if it helps. [It helps her, anyway.] Besides, I said it was a memory swap. You know I—

[She stops again, and looks away. Her breath hisses out between her teeth, before she looks back.]

I killed one of my best friends. I didn't mean to, I mixed up the hangover cure with the mug of drain cleaner my boyfriend was joking around with, but she's still dead. [She drums her fingers against the dining room table. It never gets easier, saying this out loud.] I was keeping it a secret, and then the memory slipped from me to you. I'm still keeping it a secret now.

video; private

[pale_blue_arrow]

Slow down, [Brendan half-begs, half snaps, some old self-preservation instinct rising up from its' shallow grave.] Give me a second to process this. Holy shit, Vee.

[The nickname comes naturally, if only because he's got nothing else to nickname a 'Veronica' other than that or Ronnie, if she were less soft and run ragged. And as much as he's irritated she decided to throw all of this at him right off the bat, no easing him into any of it, he can tell damage when he sees it. She's not okay. She's running on mental fumes and he's been there too many times himself not to have some sympathy.

So. Time for some brutal honesty:] That's on him for mixing it and not stopping you if he saw you grabbed the wrong cup. Sometimes it's not who shot, it's who put the person in front of the gun. I'm no angel, Vee. Do you know how far south my entire investigation into Em's death went? You're not the only one with a body count, here, so breathe, okay? [Please stop being small and vulnerable and reminding him of Emily on the phone, three days before he found her body, sad and upset and all alone in the world.]

My lips are sealed. You, uh, you wanna hash this out in-person, though, maybe over enough booze it'll take the bite out of this? You're not looking so hot right now, moll.

[He bites his lip. He used to call Emily that - nope, no, not going there, he can't, he can't her body probably hasn't even been identified yet-] I got some dough as a starter from the government here. You point me to where they don't card people and I'll get us set up for whatever you need.

[Whatever it takes to rip this pain out of her, out of him, until they can breathe again.]

video; private

[couldbebeautiful]

—you have no idea how much I missed you calling me that. [She huffs out a short laugh, and wipes a tear from her eye.] God, I—I'm sorry about the waterworks, it's just been a while since the last time I saw you. I'm glad you're okay.

[And not dead, and not bleeding out somewhere, and still willing to help her even if she's just told him about Heather's death, her part in it, the guilt that's still weighing down her heart.]

I have some idea, yeah. [She rubs at her eyes again, tries a smile that falls just a second later.] I actually—I've got some fake IDs you can use, and I know a few places that don't look too hard at them. I can meet you at one of them, we can catch each other up over shitty alcohol. You don't even have to pay.

video; private

[pale_blue_arrow]

You're right, I don't. But I'll keep at it, if it helps. 'Cause while I can't picture what it's like to think you've lost somebody, I do know what you know about what I was goin' back to. And - and this is all House Of Leaves level of intricate and confusing, but I'm here, Vee. I'm here and I don't have a scratch on me. 's alright. Really.

[This? This is not how murderers act. He's seen lady murderers. He's seen the calm recitation of facts as well as the fake tears that were so well-practiced, and what Veronica's doing is worlds away from either. If it were an act, her eyes would be dry. Even the best of 'em can't force their tear ducts to work suddenly. Whatever happened was on her boyfriend.

Most people would have said the same about anything Emily was involved in when she was with Brendan, back in the day. That's a guilt of its' own, the knowledge he's led at least one girl onto a dark path. Maybe he can't unfuck that up, but he can repair things with Veronica, possibly. Hopefully. He wants to try, at least.]

Alright, we'll split the bill, then. 'm not letting you pay; I'm not a total heel, even if I act like it sometimes. Where'd you wanna meet up, sugar?

[His voice is soft, in ways that it rarely was for anyone other than his mother and Emily. He's not sure what to say, but he knows from bitter experience with Emily that shouting will only end things bitterly.]