maskormenace

[The man that appears on the screen is rather scrawny looking, thin, with a large beakish nose and squinting eyes. He's dressed in an impeccable suit that he straightens a moment before his free hand goes to his hair and he starts fixing the very purposeful styling that had gone oh-so-slightly awry upon porting in. The spiked points along his forehead where carefully pinched back into place as he used the video function as a sort of mirror while he began addressing those watching.]

Well. This is a fine affair I've seemed to find myself in. I was rather hoping it was one big joke. A poor joke, but a joke all the same.

[A pause as he shuts his mouth and moves the camera so he can see the back and sides of his head to ensure they were properly spiked upward and forward the way he preferred.]

But having found myself wandering the cities referred to as 'porter cities', I've been forced to acknowledge that it isn't.

[He sighs and pulls the camera away to better take in himself and the room he was standing in. A bedroom of an assigned house. The sort most would be familiar with.]

Which unfortunately means I've been told I'm expected to live in this... squalor... until I'm able to afford a better place on my own.

[Being one of the commonly assigned homes in the suburbs, it was far from what most would consider 'squalor'. Even Oswald didn't actually consider it that, just that it wasn't where he wanted to be nor did it fit what he felt he deserved to live in after all he'd been through.]

That will take a little time. Even for me. Until then, I'm entertaining offers of more suitable homes that I can take residence in.

[A bright smile. As if his presence in a home would be a high honor.]

Oh, yes. How rude of me. Introductions. My name is Oswald Cobblepot, Mayor of Gotham.

[[[ooc: One of Oswald's powers is that he just sort of mildly reminds people of a bird. Should his face be covered, there's more that goes on, but in his current state, he just kind of gives off a vague impression of a bird. If you'd like to opt out of this power and the rest of what it does, you can do so here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Hey, it's your roommate the heavily tattooed tiefling who's also the reason why the interior of the house is an eyesore. A very colorful eyesore with little golden trinkets everywhere.]

Nothing wrong with a splash of color here and there, surely.

[Sorry, dude, you're talking to a guy whose entire wardrobe consists of black, black, more black, maybe a dark grey or dark blue pinstripe, and only a few accents of red, blue, or purple.]

If it was only a little splash it wouldn't be so bad. But you've made the whole house look like a cash for gold pawn shop!

It also looks very inviting. You could use some of the decorations as—conversation pieces, let’s say. [Gosh, he really misses Fjord right about now. This guy is going to take some getting used to.]

If you want, I can make the living room look less inviting, [which is an offer he makes with some reluctance, but the guy’s agitated enough] but the dining room stays the same. The curtains stay too. And do try not to throw anything out, they’re all very expensive.

[He bought half this shit at a garage sale.]

Maybe sentimentally. But I could find half of these in the bargain bin of a dollar store if I was forced to go in one.

[This guy actually knows his shit when it comes to appraisal. He kind of has to know if what he's laundering, fencing, or buying is worth anything.]

And it's not inviting. It's...

[He didn't even have a word for it. At least with his mother's house it had all be porcelain and lace and muted colors.]

Do whatever you want with the place. I do not intend to stay for long so it's of no consequence. Just keep it away from the bedroom I've claimed.

The word you’re looking for is unique, I believe.

[He says, just to be a little asshole.]

But all right, that I can do. Which one’s your bedroom again? I already claimed the one with the view.

It fits by definition alone, so I suppose you're right.

[A overly-pleasant smirk.]

I have the one on the first floor.

[So he could leave faster.]

[...yeah, this guy is going to be very annoying to deal with, day in and day out.]

Second floor's mine. If you hear, say, giggling every now and then, especially at night, don't come up unless you want an eyeful. Oh, and—I'm sure you've seen two swords on the coffee table. Those are mine, and they're magical. Don't touch them.

[They're not magical, they're not even supposed to be functional weapons, they're made of carnival glass. He's not really as attached to them as he implies. He just wants to test this guy, see what he'll do if pushed, and besides, he really can't stop himself from lying blatantly.]

[He did not need the imagery that statement brought and didn't bother to hide his disgust at the thought.

At the request about the swords, he waved his hand in dismissal.]

Fine. Whatever. I'd prefer not to touch anything in this house if I don't have to. Just keep to yourself.

[A short pause before he frowned in curiosity.]

...what kind of magic? Are they related to your powers?

[His power was an 'umbrella', maybe this guy's was 'swords']

Done and done.

[Search him, he has no fucking idea.]

Something like that, yeah. They’re the kind of magic swords that require the blood of their owner to keep them happy and working every week or so. For your own safety, keep away from them, they can be a bit tetchy if anyone else besides me lays a hand on them.

[Which begs the question of why he’d keep them out on the coffee table in the first place if he’s so worried about his supposedly magical swords getting tetchy towards anyone else.]

[He's going to assume it's an anti-theft thing. Anyone that doesn't know gets burned.]

I'll keep that in mind. Is there anything else?

Nothing else I can think of.

[Although:] A word of advice, if you're trying to find another place to live, I find it's best to tell people what a good roommate you are. [He says like he has experience in staying in one place, which he doesn't have.] Trust me, when you do, they'll line up for the privilege of being your roommate.

[The way he says privilege makes it sound like he doesn't consider it one, but is only softening the blow.]

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