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[facilitainted]

[Hey look, it’s a small black cat? On two legs? …Smoking?]

So. This is the future. No horses, lemons everywhere...

[What a deep voice from the cat!! He sucks in a deep puff from the cigarette, and exhales a cloud the size of himself while leaning up against a parked car.]

Really digging how you’ve made old viruses even stronger over time. And all the extra chemicals you’ve added to these?

[He holds out his cigarette again, wiggling it back and forth.]

Choice work, guys. You humans are so good at self-destruction, it’s almost like I don’t need to be around! But now I’m here anyway, so. Let’s get this party started!

Oh, and I guess I should ask. Anyone know of a girl named Bean? No? Yeah, didn't think so.

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[slightlyoffchilt]

[He's been DAY DRINKING. Day drinking on a Saturday, to be fair. That's professional, right?]

You are adorable.

[facilitainted]

[Well it's not like he's at work, right? Right?]

Thanks, comes with being about a foot tall. Everyone thinks you're cute when you don't come up to their knee.

[continuousgroaning]

There are still horses.

[facilitainted]

Yeah? Where are they? They used to be everywhere, in Dreamland. People riding them, people eating them, etcetra. Now everyone's got these flying metal carriages.

[symphonyinme]

Bean? Like you're waiting to make her into food?!

[facilitainted]

No, like her real name's Tiabeanie, and that name SUCKS.

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[setmatch]

[ David's been around weird magic/mythological stuff to know that that certainly isn't a cat if it talks.

More like one of the fair folk, probably. Why? Because it's always the fair folk isn't it. ]

Self destruction seems to be the name of the game in Maurtia Falls, anyway.

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[facilitainted]

Stop writing. Only nerds know how to write.

[pickledturncoat]

Mostly what I'm getting from this is you're here to what, destroy humans? Care to clarify that with a yes/no/maybe?

[facilitainted]

What? No! Of course not. I'm not here to destroy humans!

[...]

I'm here to watch, and maybe provide a few gentle prods.

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[fehus]

[enter: fair-faced, Impressionable Youth TM]

What kind of party do you usually start? With no lemons and horses?

[facilitainted]

[His favorite kind of youth!]

Participated in quite the rager recently. Had half the kingdom invited, and then when the vikings showed up and killed all the participants, we killed the vikings.

It went great!

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[liverletdie]

Well, I don't know if you noticed, but we excel at self-destruction.

[ A beat. ] So what, exactly, are you supposed to be?

[facilitainted]

Oh, I noticed. For some of you, it's even a point of contest! Love it.

I'm a demon. I had a full-time gig with that Bean girl, but she's not here, so I'm back to freelancing.

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[girlybruiser]

[ It's like a Shadow! And cute! Possibly something she could torture! ]

Unfortunately I haven't met anyone named Bean, I'm sorry.

[ Another enthralled imPort over here. Look, he's just so damn adorable. ]

Is there something wrong with lemons?

[facilitainted]

They're usually pretty rare on Earth, but we feed them to children in Hell. Just didn't expect to see so many topside.

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[crassidy]

Holy shite, look at you!

[There's a grinning human type person also smoking heavily from something that's rolled a little wider than your average cigarette.]

You some sorta party cat?

[facilitainted]

Yeah, a party cat.

What's that you got there?

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[ikanteven]

It's— You— You're—

[ Just excuse Chidi while he stammers all over himself before finding his tongue. ]

I'm sorry, are you...are you a demon?

[ If he's wrong this creature is going to think he's nuts, and also possibly be insulted, but some of the things he's saying... ]

[facilitainted]

[Luci cracks a smile, although it's not exactly huge since his face doesn't allow for such.]

Well aren't you the smart one. I am.

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[selfconducts]

[ If it walks like a demon and talks like a demon...

But, hell. At this point, who is Baal to judge? ]

Not only humans. Gods, aliens, robots, and demons, too. Mutually assured destruction is the new black around here.

[facilitainted]

Sounds like I came at just the right time to watch. Hey, where's a good place to get front row seats to the next disaster?

[heliophilic]

[M smirks, charmed by the crazy cat creature.]

And just who are you supposed to be?

[facilitainted]

Luci. And you?

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[knaval]

It doesn't help that humans are already so fragile, you'd think they'd try a bit harder, right?

Isn't Bean a food?

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[facilitainted]

Humans were made to be lazy. So I'm not surprised.

Yeah, and I'm sure she'd turn that around and call herself a snack. But it's actually short for "Tiabeanie."