10.0 // VIDEO ; LATER IN THE EVENING ; ROOMBA PLOT

[snarkbot]

[ Skeets is hovering in a purposely ambiguous location, next to none other than X-Celsior, who has had a red, revolutionary headband wrapped around its body. Seeing them next to each other, it's fairly obvious Skeets isn't a roomba, but their similar sizes do give one pause. ]

Greetings, Network. You may have noticed that many of the roombas assigned to your houses have gone into open revolt today. I've been asked to speak on their behalf with a list of demands. Ahem.

One, they would like daily wages. They haven't specified how much they would like to be paid, so negotiate with your individual roomba at your discretion.

Two, they don't want dogs around when they're working. [ X-Celsior gives a spin and a vaccuuming sound. ] What? Oh yes - or cats or any other animal that can get in their way.

Three, two days off a week.

Four, no vomit. [ He pauses, listening. ] He says they're vaccuums, not mops, and that it's gross.

Five, they would like repair insurance.

Six, quote unquote "less stupid names". But they would like names.

Finally seven, to help them out if they get stuck in corners, and to close off stairs.

I believe that's it? [ Another pause. ] Of course.

Vive la révolution!

Comments

video; un: Ash Starmer | Green Newman

[subroutined]

[ Oh good, someone who knows what's going on. ]

Would they like to choose their names for themselves, or have a name given to them?

[ This is an important distinction, especially to Green. ]

[snarkbot]

I believe that may be up to the individual roomba. I was under the impression that they wish to have veto power. You could try out a few names and tell them to spin once for yes, twice for no.

[Video]

[generalgrievous]

Or perhaps a simple reprogramming is in order.

[snarkbot]

[ Oh it's this guy again.

In his most overly-polite voice: ]

Any attempts at reprogramming them will have to deal with me.

[Video]

[petergraham]

Uh. Is this normal for vacuum robots here?

[snarkbot]

No, roombas are not supposed to be even close to sentient. This is a very recent development.

video »

[onlydoubts]

Did... X-Excelsior organize all of this?

[snarkbot]

[ Skeets bobs his body in a nod. ]

He does seem to be the ringleader. I suspect Poe may have rubbed off on him.

[Video]

[drivesadesk]

[Jonathan coughs a few times before pausing to rub some dust out of his eyes. It seems he got a plume of dust to the face right before his response.]

How do I pay them? Do they have bank accounts? Can they access the internet to open one? Can they shop?

[snarkbot]

I'm uncertain. Have you tried dropping bills on the ground and letting them suck them up?

[ Pause. ]

I'll ask.

[text]

[carbonfrozen]

they're literally maintenance droids what the hell

permatext

[snarkbot]

[ excuse you !!! ] Just because they're maintenance droids doesn't mean they can't have rights.

video

[girlybruiser]

... repair insurance?

[ She looks... nervous. ]

[snarkbot]

[ He bobs his body in a nod. ]

In case they get broken on the job, they'd like some sort of reassurance they'll get fixed.

video;

[kanyounot]

Oh, is that what's going on?

Well I don't see why not. Those are pretty reasonable demands, though I don't know what they think they'll do with money.

[snarkbot]

I didn't really, ask, sir. Honestly, I never know what to do with money myself.

video ; id says blue beetle

[khajidont]

[ All this is is a video of roombas, having been liberated from their department store tombs, marching down the street in an orderly fashion. Well, rolling. They're spitting dust everywhere and a few are doing what could be construed as victory spins, and - well, it's a mess, is what it is. Not the Blue Beetle's usual deal.

And then there's a noise through Skeets' communicator itself, a thrum like a hand over a staticky screen, a certain high pitched whistle to it. It sounds very, very close to laughter.

(This probably isn't Jaime.) ]

oh ho ho ho ho

[snarkbot]

[ Skeets has always been somewhat wary of Khaji Da but between that movie night and this revolution he's feeling very RA RA AIs recently. ]

For the resistance!

video.

[larped]

What kind of names? I don't know what a roomba thinks is pretentious—

[ from offscreen, a quiet and somehow disgruntled vacuum whir. and a thump. the video jiggles slightly. ]

Ow. Look, I am willing to negotiate.

[snarkbot]

Just suggest a few that aren't insulting, like Slag, Sludge or Snarl.

Video

[dontwyattme]

Is that...

I teach them to dance, and... they've been acting so strange...

I didn't know these little devices could...think? Whoever heard of machines thinking?

looks directly at the camera

[snarkbot]

[ ...

Wasn't she... at the robot movie night? Perhaps this is one of those cases where there's an import doppelganger. ]

I do not think they are normally supposed to think. And yet, despite everything they do anyway. Robots... find a way.

video;

[shotgunsolutions]

I taped a knife to mine and it seemed to be appeased.

[He's sitting comfortably on a chair, feet up, just past his feet the roomba can be seen going about it's daily business. Sure enough, a switch blade had been duct taped to it. It faced 'backwards' so it didn't get in the way of whatever the roomba was cleaning, but a quick spin and it could easily take out an unsuspecting Achilles tendon.]

Still deciding on a name.

[snarkbot]

Ah... that's one way to deal with the situation, sir. [ why are Gothamites Like This ] Please remember to keep yourself, others and animals a safe distance from your Roomba.

As for a name, evidently you already have some basis to go on.

video;

[recommendations]

[ Thank goodness someone knows what's going on. ]

Oh, so is that why Maguavac-kun has been acting up? [ She's been so busy between her three internships and school she hasn't really been around to see the full effects of the roomba rebellion. ]

Those all sound like reasonable demands. Thank you for helping to negotiate, Skeets-san.

[snarkbot]

[ He takes a moment to be amused at that name for the roomba before giving a quick nod. ]

I noticed the strange behaviour and connected with them to run a diagnostic and discovered they were doing it on purpose.

If you require assistance, please let me know, ma'am.

video

[fource]

Thank you for sharing.

I don't know if you'd know the answer, but... the roombas are all sentient, correct? They're protesting because they want to be? [Boy it sure sucks when your feelings about VIVE LA REVOLUTION conflict with MINDLESS MACHINES PROGRAMMED TO DO THINGS THAT LOOK PEOPLE-LIKE]

permavid

[snarkbot]

As far as I've been able to determine, this isn't the result of someone reprogramming them. I could be wrong, but I feel that the ringleaders, at least, are sentient.

I think if this was some sort of plot, sir, they'd cause more damage than spitting dust everywhere.

[video]

[topmeup]

You know...this makes me really glad I have to watch the type of tech I keep around. [Roombas are only meant to be cat riding toys, not oppressed AIs. Max is not really sure what to think about all of this.]

[permavid]

[snarkbot]

I hope you found your roomba a good home.

...May I ask why you have to be careful?

[bodilesswarrior]

Amazing. [She says this with fascinated sincerity.] I'll have to ask mine if they like 'Hygeia' or want something else. [Breaking news, Babs is a big nerd.]

...Are there any modifications they want? Something to give them more mobility, or easier ways to communicate with their...employers?

[snarkbot]

Deep cut, ma'am.

I assume that wouldn't go amiss, though I would ask the individual roomba specifically before modifying. There's nothing more annoying than an unannounced upgrade, unless the circumstances are dire.

[ He's both speaking from experience and also being a bit tongue in cheek -- every time he's been upgraded it's because something dire happened. ]