Anon text;

[hellraiser02]

How many people do you remember? Do you remember all the people who shaped you? Are you living for anyone, at this moment?

Memories are precious things in this place. We can lose them easily, and they can be returned on a whim. We have no control over it. You can record them, leave them behind here, but even if you hear or read them again, they may not have any meaning to you. Maybe you won’t feel anything at all when reading them, or having someone relay them to you. In that case, aren’t you reading someone else’s memories rather than your own?

Would you be happier to forget them? Or would you want to be able to remember them, no matter what?

As for me, I want to carry these memories with me, for better or worse, for as long as possible. It’s how I’ve always lived anyway. People that have died, people that have left. People that saved me, people that hurt me. For me, it’s a way of living. I know that eventually, I’ll leave this place, and I’ll forget some of them, but I don’t mind bearing their weight for now.


(Sorry. Another rambling, self-indulgent 'in memoriam' post. I hear these are passé, now.)

Comments

[hellraiser02]

[MMMMMmmm yeah he'd debate that one, but alright]

Now you get it. Some people can never forget, and it drives them mad.

Some people try to forget, then remember again.

All kinds of things can throw a person off balance.

Can't fault you for that, I suppose.

[am_i_a_monster]

Some people go mad and then do things that others can't forget.

Or they suppress it and it comes out in other ways.

Are you feeling off balance?

[hellraiser02]

Passing it on, you mean.

You're right. Gas under pressure will always explode eventually. Or leak.

I suppose you could say I've always been a little off-balance, where my time here was concerned. But it didn't help, that's for sure.

I was remembering how much has happened since then.

[am_i_a_monster]

I'd definitely recommend a memory palace then. You can lock up each memory in its own room and let them out one at a time, sort them out that way. It's easier than trying to handle a lot of memories at once.

[hellraiser02]

Sounds like the kind of thing a kook would recommend to get their claws into your brain...

Who taught you this?

[am_i_a_monster]

[That might actually be a good description of Hannibal Lecter.]

A psychiatrist. He was my guardian too.

[And then he killed her.]

[hellraiser02]

[Yeah he's pretty sure he hit the nail on the head here!]

Doesn't sound like a healthy and unbiased patient-doctor relationship to me.

No offense.

[am_i_a_monster]

[It wasn't healthy at all.]

It was complicated. All of my relationships were.

[hellraiser02]

[Hmmmmmmmmm. He knows a thing or two about those, he won't admit.]

Are you in a better place, here?

For some people, this place is a second chance.

[am_i_a_monster]

Yes, a much better place. I have friends that are a family to me. I can go outside. I have a career.

That's exactly what it is for me.

[hellraiser02]

[To hang onto that... while they can. That's the best- and worst- part of this place, Duo thinks.]

I'm glad things are looking better for you here.

Maybe you can't replace the memories you have of the past, but you can look forward to making new ones that you can think of when they get you down, right?

[am_i_a_monster]

Thank you.

I can. I try to to focus on the good memories ahead when the bad ones get to be too overwhelming.

[hellraiser02]

Although things usually seem pretty hopeless around here, I think that's the one thing we can't do without.

It's as you say- for as long as you're here, there's always the future.