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[ralltiir]

[ The network ID attached to this one says "Commander Jeroen Akobi," advertising his military rank even though he forewent the Imperial uniform just about as soon as he was set loose upon this planet. Instead, there appears a handsome man in his forties in smart casual attire, haircut just the long side of regulation, facial hair game on point. He's got an affable smile on his face, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes. ]

These jobs they assign you when you arrive are a joke, right? I mean, I'm no specialist, but I've got more marketable skills than "mustache model." Are there any procedures in place for putting in a request for a new position? Because posing for pictures might be a good way to make some side money, but I'd prefer something that actually requires some thought and effort.

Comments

[lootsnshoots]

My "designation?"

[He makes heavy use of fingerquotes.]

You mean like what? My name, or my job?

[ralltiir]

I mean what are you, what do I call you, what's your function? Who set you loose, or do we have the porter to blame for that as well?

[lootsnshoots]

Easy there Commander 'Stache, you'll hurt yourself. The name's Cayde. Cayde-6. I'm an Exo, which means that a long long long long long long long—

[He pauses and counts on his fingers, then continues]

—long long long long long long time ago I was a human with bones and blood and all that good stuff but uh ... now, now I'm a robot. I'm the Hunter Vanguard for Earth's last safe city although 'round here I 'spose I'm the "Gun Safety Campaign Spokesman."

And my function is looking really good while kicking ass.

[ralltiir]

[ Hold on a minute. Humans turned into droids? That's... disgusting, for one, absurd for another. Just another thing blowing Akobi's mind. ]

Were there five other Caydes before they settled on you? I have no idea what "Hunter Vanguard" is supposed to mean, but are you telling me this planet's cities are not safe? [ This is the only Earth he's heard of. The idea that there may be others hasn't occurred to him. ]

[lootsnshoots]

In a manner of speakin', yeah. I've led five other Cayde lives, but I couldn't tell you about them if I tried.

[He shrugs.]

Exo problems, am I right? I'm right. Anyway, the fact that Earth's got cities, plural, has me pretty sure that I'm in the Time Before the Time Before. When I'm from there's only one city and the rest is all in ruin.

Which is making me think, well what is it that you command anyway, Commander Stashe? Because I only know one man who uses that title and you're neither him nor his predecessors.

[ralltiir]

You've been memory wiped, then.

[ Standard practice, with droids. Akobi doesn't sound surprised. ]

I'm an officer in the Imperial Army, in a galaxy far, far away from here, so I doubt I've ever even heard of the man you're referencing. Any army that has only one Commander isn't going to win any battles.

[lootsnshoots]

See now that just pisses me off even more than I usually am about the whole apocalypse thing. We couldn't even get outside our own system and here you are tellin' me humans are walking in the light of other galaxies? That sucks! We could be so much more!

[ralltiir]

Well, humans have been traveling between planets in my galaxy for tens of thousands of years. As have all the other alien races, and droids too for that matter.

I think it's just this planet that's lightyears behind.

[lootsnshoots]

Trust me friend, I'm painfully aware of that. Minus the humans part, 'coz I was under the impression none of us made it past the heliopause when the Collapse hit.

[ralltiir]

Humans seem to be a constant in the universe. No matter where you go, there we are.

[ As it should be, he doesn't add. ]

[lootsnshoots]

[He's fighting the worst case scenario of All The Aliens Are Doing a Humanity Genocide so I'm not sure he'd even clock it as human chauvinism, tbh]

Hey, that's great to hear, y'know? Go team.

[ralltiir]

You're pro-human?

[ He's a bit surprised to hear that from a droid with so much personality. Usually those tend to be more anti-organic. Must be the formerly-human part of him talking. ]

[lootsnshoots]

Uhhh yeah, duh? That's kind of the entire Guardian thing. Saving humans, defending humans, taking back everything we lost etcetera etcetera.

[ralltiir]

Exactly what is it you have to defend them from?

[lootsnshoots]

Let's see. We've got scumbag pillaging Fallen tearing apart everything that's not nailed down (and a good chunk of what is), time-travelling Vex machines that are trying reprogram reality or whatever, death-worshipping Hive infecting our moons and tryin' to return everything to the True Darkness, and those goddamn space rhinos the Cabal playing conqueror on top of it all. And the reports I'm getting from my scouts at the edge of the system? There's some weird shit out there I can't make heads or tails of.

[ralltiir]

[ Very little of that was intelligible to Akobi, but he thinks he gets the gist. ]

Sounds like you've got your hands full.

[lootsnshoots]

They sure are. But you just gotta take it as it comes, right?

[ralltiir]

You sure do.

The war we've been fighting back home sounds like small fries to what you're dealing with... And that's saying a lot.

[lootsnshoots]

I'd wish you luck, but you sound like you've got things well in hand, what with having an actual military and all that.

[ralltiir]

[ Akobi gives a sad laugh. After his conversation with Poe, he knows just how doomed his war really is. ]

Yeah... We'll see.