VIDEO | 04

[patchricide]

[As the camera turns on, your eyes are immediately directed towards a massive pile of leftover Halloween candy spread out over a table. At least, most of it is Halloween candy, and some of it is really good, like those peanut butter cups and little candy-coated morsels. But there's not a lot of quality control here, so some of it is terrible Halloween candy, and some upon further inspection is not Halloween candy at all.]

[In fact, there's some Christmas candies as well, including those really good hazlenut chocolates, and a few peppermints. There's also some of those mysterious strawberry hard candies that old ladies keep in candy bowls, tiny boxes of raisins, and... cough drops? Yup, those are cough drops. At the edge of the screen, a pair of mouse are helping themselves to one of the oddities, a small bag of peanuts like you might find on an airline.]

[And then there's Allura, sitting at the table with a pout of discontent on her face. After all, she had been invited to a Halloween party at the last minute, and she didn't have roommates to stay home on Halloween, so...]

If I had known I wasn't going to be handing out any Halloween candy, I would never have bought so much.

Particularly since I can't feed most of this to my mice. [As if on cue, a bigger, chubby yellow mouse picks up a bag of sour gummies and starts inspecting it — and without looking, Allura reaches over and pulls the bag out of his tiny little paws.] In fact, some of it I'm not sure if I ought to be eating.

This one is made with boiled animal bones, and coated in dried, powdered acid. It's supposed to be so sour that you will start crying in pain. Is this actually supposed to be a 'treat'?

[She gives a long sigh.] What am I supposed to do with all this? No matter how dubious the ingredients are, it seems like such a waste to throw it all away...

Comments

[kanyounot]

You can always bring it to the Endeavor Center. You'd be the kids' new best friend.

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[continuousgroaning]

It is supposed to be a treat, but... when you put it that way it DOES seem a little weird. Huh.

[patchricide]

That would be a good way to dispose of it, but...

The more that I research about these candies, the more I wonder if it wouldn't be a greater kindness to keep these away from children.

... although these ones seem fine. [She holds up a tiny box of raisins, and a little bag of plain peanuts. As if anyone would actually ever want those when they could be having candy.]

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[patchricide]

It sounds more like self-inflicted torture. Do humans... like doing that?

[lasersounds]

Definitely don't throw them away. You can donate 'em.

And for the record, sometimes treats can also be a bit of a trick...[Remember the milkshakes Allura.]

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[continuousgroaning]

I guess because it's temporary and relatively safe. It gives you just a little bit of a thrill without being too dangerous- kinda like eating super spicy food.

[patchricide]

[Oh, she remembers. In fact...]

Do you know how hard I looked for candy that didn't have milk in it?? But so much of it is chocolate, and all of the chocolate has milk! All of it! Some of them even have milk right in the name!

Eventually I bought it, thinking that as long as the children took it, it wouldn't be a problem. But...

[The smallest mouse does a dive-bomb into the huge candy pile.]

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[legionnaires]

Have you checked the expiration dates yet?

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[patchricide]

Really?

[Well, now she's looking at this candy with a different kind of dubious-ness. On one hand, it's still made of boiled animal bones. On the other...]

How temporary is it, then?

[patchricide]

The expiration... oh! Yes! I do know what those are.

[She is recoiling a bit at the memory of how she learned that essential fact of Earth life.]

Almost everything here is safe to consume until well into next year, if not beyond.

[kanyounot]

It's mostly harmless. The worst sugar does is make them hyper for a while.

[legionnaires]

You could just hold onto the candy until next Halloween if they don't expire until then. Otherwise I'd donate what you can.

Did you find any you like?

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[continuousgroaning]

It's only supposed to last for a couple of seconds. It's not a PLEASANT few seconds, but it doesn't last forever, either. Otherwise it'd be unbearable.

[patchricide]

I meant more long term. Hopefully, they wouldn't be selling poison as candy...

[She looks at the sour gummies again, like she does have good evidence to doubt that idea. But no, most of these seem like treats.]

Hyper? You mean it energizes them?

[patchricide]

That did cross my mind, but I'm not sure there's any place I could store them where Platt wouldn't eventually find them.

[She takes a lollipop away from him again, and tries to direct him to a bag of pretzels instead. Based on how this year's going, next year she's probably just going to get packages of crackers.]

I did like these ones. I think most of these ingredients are just fruit. [She holds up a pack of gushers. Fun fact, no gelatin in those!]

[pidgewidgeon]

I will totally take all those sour gummies off your hands. They're my favorite.

[1/3]

[patchricide]

... ... ...

[She's definitely thinking about it. After all, it's not like she doesn't have a whole bunch more of these candies just like it.]

... if it's only for a few seconds...

[2/3]

[patchricide]

[Deciding "what's the worst that can happen?", she opens up the bag, takes one out...]

[And she's licking it.]



[Standby for reaction.]

[3/3]

[patchricide]

... ... ...

That's not nearly as painful as they suggested. More like licking an energy crystal, really.

[DON'T ASK WHY SHE KNOWS WHAT LICKING AN ENERGY CRYSTAL IS LIKE]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I feel like we need to get you stop reading what's inside all of the things you eat.

It seems like this is just going to end in sadness.

[legionnaires]

I'm sure Haru wouldn't mind me storing candy at the apartment for you if you don't want Platt to get to it.

[ Though, if the space wolf got to them then he doesn't know what to do. ]

Nice. I remember those.

[patchricide]

Then they're all yours.

But can I ask why? I thought these were supposed to be sweet!

[patchricide]

I think I need to start reading more about what's in the things I eat!

Not just my own food — I almost let my mice eat these! Can you imagine if they had?!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

...Yes. I can imagine it.

[He didn't feed the mice dubious things when they came to see him. Nope. Moving on.]

Yeah, but if you do that you'll never eat anything again. And I don't think you're quite at the stage of needing to do some extreme dieting.

[lasersounds]

What can I say, humans love milk. It's...really not as bad as you keep making it out to be, Allura. I promise.

[He still feels so bad about all of that.]

But if you want to avoid it and still have chocolate, most high-end darks shouldn't have milk in it. But you have to keep with the high-end brands.

[He has to frown though as he spots the mouse dive-bomb the candy.]

So uh, you might want to keep an eye on the mice, I think one of them turned your hoard into a swimming pool of sugar.