VIDEO | 04

[patchricide]

[As the camera turns on, your eyes are immediately directed towards a massive pile of leftover Halloween candy spread out over a table. At least, most of it is Halloween candy, and some of it is really good, like those peanut butter cups and little candy-coated morsels. But there's not a lot of quality control here, so some of it is terrible Halloween candy, and some upon further inspection is not Halloween candy at all.]

[In fact, there's some Christmas candies as well, including those really good hazlenut chocolates, and a few peppermints. There's also some of those mysterious strawberry hard candies that old ladies keep in candy bowls, tiny boxes of raisins, and... cough drops? Yup, those are cough drops. At the edge of the screen, a pair of mouse are helping themselves to one of the oddities, a small bag of peanuts like you might find on an airline.]

[And then there's Allura, sitting at the table with a pout of discontent on her face. After all, she had been invited to a Halloween party at the last minute, and she didn't have roommates to stay home on Halloween, so...]

If I had known I wasn't going to be handing out any Halloween candy, I would never have bought so much.

Particularly since I can't feed most of this to my mice. [As if on cue, a bigger, chubby yellow mouse picks up a bag of sour gummies and starts inspecting it — and without looking, Allura reaches over and pulls the bag out of his tiny little paws.] In fact, some of it I'm not sure if I ought to be eating.

This one is made with boiled animal bones, and coated in dried, powdered acid. It's supposed to be so sour that you will start crying in pain. Is this actually supposed to be a 'treat'?

[She gives a long sigh.] What am I supposed to do with all this? No matter how dubious the ingredients are, it seems like such a waste to throw it all away...

Comments

[kanyounot]

You can always bring it to the Endeavor Center. You'd be the kids' new best friend.

[patchricide]

That would be a good way to dispose of it, but...

The more that I research about these candies, the more I wonder if it wouldn't be a greater kindness to keep these away from children.

... although these ones seem fine. [She holds up a tiny box of raisins, and a little bag of plain peanuts. As if anyone would actually ever want those when they could be having candy.]

[kanyounot]

It's mostly harmless. The worst sugar does is make them hyper for a while.

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[continuousgroaning]

It is supposed to be a treat, but... when you put it that way it DOES seem a little weird. Huh.

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[patchricide]

It sounds more like self-inflicted torture. Do humans... like doing that?

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[continuousgroaning]

I guess because it's temporary and relatively safe. It gives you just a little bit of a thrill without being too dangerous- kinda like eating super spicy food.

[lasersounds]

Definitely don't throw them away. You can donate 'em.

And for the record, sometimes treats can also be a bit of a trick...[Remember the milkshakes Allura.]

[patchricide]

[Oh, she remembers. In fact...]

Do you know how hard I looked for candy that didn't have milk in it?? But so much of it is chocolate, and all of the chocolate has milk! All of it! Some of them even have milk right in the name!

Eventually I bought it, thinking that as long as the children took it, it wouldn't be a problem. But...

[The smallest mouse does a dive-bomb into the huge candy pile.]

[lasersounds]

What can I say, humans love milk. It's...really not as bad as you keep making it out to be, Allura. I promise.

[He still feels so bad about all of that.]

But if you want to avoid it and still have chocolate, most high-end darks shouldn't have milk in it. But you have to keep with the high-end brands.

[He has to frown though as he spots the mouse dive-bomb the candy.]

So uh, you might want to keep an eye on the mice, I think one of them turned your hoard into a swimming pool of sugar.

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[legionnaires]

Have you checked the expiration dates yet?

[patchricide]

The expiration... oh! Yes! I do know what those are.

[She is recoiling a bit at the memory of how she learned that essential fact of Earth life.]

Almost everything here is safe to consume until well into next year, if not beyond.

[legionnaires]

You could just hold onto the candy until next Halloween if they don't expire until then. Otherwise I'd donate what you can.

Did you find any you like?

[pidgewidgeon]

I will totally take all those sour gummies off your hands. They're my favorite.

[patchricide]

Then they're all yours.

But can I ask why? I thought these were supposed to be sweet!

[pidgewidgeon]

They are sweet. They have a layer of sour sugar on the outside and then the sweet gummy candy. Not everyone likes them, but I love them. The sour just makes the sweet better when you get to it.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I feel like we need to get you stop reading what's inside all of the things you eat.

It seems like this is just going to end in sadness.

[patchricide]

I think I need to start reading more about what's in the things I eat!

Not just my own food — I almost let my mice eat these! Can you imagine if they had?!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

...Yes. I can imagine it.

[He didn't feed the mice dubious things when they came to see him. Nope. Moving on.]

Yeah, but if you do that you'll never eat anything again. And I don't think you're quite at the stage of needing to do some extreme dieting.

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[pre_successful]

Orrr you could give them to me? I could take care of them for you.

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[patchricide]

There seems to be a few volunteers for that...

... ... ...

Which kind is your favorite? [She starts looking through the pile again. Maybe she has it!]

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[pre_successful]

Yes! [ did he fist pump a little? maybe.

could he also buy his own candy? maybe. but it tastes better when it's free and that's a fact

jason pauses, a look of deep thought crosses his face before replying: ]

Do you have any gummi worms?

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[am_i_a_monster]

I agree with you about not wasting it. You could donate it. Or do some baking with it.

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[patchricide]

[The donation suggestion has come up more than once, but...]

Baking? What could I bake with these?

[devoutish]

Gelatin gummies. Those are your horrifying ones.

[The More You Know (tm).]

Why didn't you hand it out, then? Did nobody come by? Kids rang my fucking doorbell for hours.

[patchricide]

I was invited to a party at the very last minute. And I didn't have anyone here to hand it out for me.

To think, if I had been invited sooner, I wouldn't have needed to buy all of this in the first place.